Time of danger
I always had an affinity
For dappled water
Chestnut hair and laughing eyes
And days when the sun breaks through
The safety barrier of the lies
Breathed like smoke between the sighs
Where you guard your inner stranger
In case you give too much
Perhaps more than wanted
Until the truth arrives and slams
You that once were heartless
In the lukewarm darkness
That you never name
And even the earthly sins that linger
Turn from pleasure into lack
After that time of danger
When you return to wander
And you never once look back
In your deepest memory
At least not in anger
Lost Again
He's killing me.
He has been slowly poisoning me for the past 21 years.
Every failed attempt to free myself leaves me spent and frustrated and alone. He doesn't even see it. His narcissistic heart and self righteous self import make him the winner every time. It doesn't matter that he is so negative and believes his luck is gone. He makes his luck. He follows no rules save his own, and they are wrong. He had damaged me irreparably, and hurt my babies with razor sharp words. The wounds are so deep. We all fear the public. We fear poverty, which is where we now lay.
Ruined lives, ruined businesses, marred and scarred from the inside out hearts and minds.
He has won. He has shown his true colors - ambivalent and so sure that his success is done. He says he will never again be successful, but he is. He has successfully and professionally broken our home, our family and our lives.
So tired. I wonder how long a human can survive without sleep, I've been awake since last Thursday. My brain running circles, plotting, planning, crying, calling...My life a sham - the lack of confidence, self-esteem made worse by his petulant and arrogant stance. I am no longer the strong one, and I seem to have lost my spine. I am terrified. I am lost.
Lost to the world, my family, and society. Nobody sees me anymore, so it is just. Alone I sit and ponder the ways I can escape, but with no real solutions. I am useless - of no talent. Unqualified even to answer a phone and type a letter. Go figure - they told me a Master's degree would open the world for me, but I have effectively been shut out.I am afraid. Terror seizes my gut as I wait for the next explosion...it won't be long. And this house is loud. I hear him breathing in its walls. Round and round in my tired mind the cards shuffle - but I keep getting the Ace of Spades...doomed.
“We are out of time!”
"We are all broken!"
shouted the crazy man
on the street corner.
"We are out of time,
and the end is near,"
he continued
as people walked by
sipping their lattes.
Only I stopped.
his face glowed
with a light
I've never seen
and his words seemed to rise
above the din of the city.
"The time is upon us!"
he warmed.
A man stopped before him
"What time is it? he asked
the man stopped
rolled up his sleeve
and looked at the Rolex
on his wrist.
"4:30," he said calmly
and then carried on:
"We are all doomed!"
I sipped my coffee
and walked on.
by @ajackson7
The Rambling Uppers and Downers
It took seven pills and a wet dream to get me out of bed this morning. The invasive sunrise exposed my mind like a barren oil field burned then extinguished. And although its charred horizon was removed of all life, it offered the promise of higher ground moist with their elusive faith.
But I am not interested as
The dealer claps and
Shows his empty hands
Because I choose to "hold."
I reluctantly rise to chase my coffee with beer, and the bubbles are the cobblestone steps towards some semblance of balance. I look into the mirror, washing last night out from under my eyes, and my reflection spurs another pep talk like a lover despairing for lies. I try desperately to listen, but my mind races to thoughts of those willing to believe.
Dual consciousness tortures me, and I am exhausted by the voices that ruminate within my wit's folds. Half alert, but mostly drowsy, I am wrecked by awareness. I hunger for a good drunk with desire, but keep pleasure at bay.
And tiptoeing carefully with my narcissism in tow, I write these words for no other reason other than to unveil my incessant attempt to dishonor their illusion.
My voice remains muffled
Below the crowded surface
Seeking clarity alone in
This blurry existence called "life."
