the only words i used to say

(still say)

are i'm sorry.

so i don't quite know

what it is that i broke

in the first place

I fell in love when I was very young

It was meant to be

Love at first sight

I fell in love when I was very young

They are kind

Stupid

Funny

Smart

They are my beloved family by heart but not by blood

I fell in love when I was very young

Without them I don't know where I would be

Countless times they saved me

Countless times I saved them

I fell in love when I was very young

Together we rain mischief

Together we are invincible

No one can come between any of us

I fell in love when I was very young

And I love them to the very end

Because our love is stronger than any others

Because our love is external

here are five things i learned in 2019 that i will forever carry with me. i know it's a month late, but that doesn't really matter to me.

1. to get better from something you first have to accept that it's a part of you.

2 if someone doesn't accept you for everything you are, then they don't deserve you.

3. hold your friends very, very, very close. please don't be afraid to tell them you love them- you might never get to say it again.

4. mental illness isn't a joke, but it's also not something to be afraid of. it doesn't make you any lesser. we are all only human.

5. love is the thing that lets us connect with others. it is okay if it hurts; if it doesn't, at times, then it isn't really love. be patient with who you love; it's always worth it in the end.

She looked like the kind of girl who would give anything for something: lips pushed forward naturally, brow raised, sitting forward in her seat. She pointed her toes and crossed her ankles beneath her chair, intertwining her arms and resting her chin on her hands.

Her resting posture was a teacher’s dream. Nothing escaped her darting eyes, and no sound fell short of her lifted ears. If she stopped for a moment and thought deeply, she could even wiggle the muscles on the side of her head so that her ears perked up visibly, thrilling the lectures and babbling brooks who loved her devoted attention.

And it wasn’t just a facade. Every now and then, her intertwined arms would unfold, and she’d raise her hand high in the air to ask a probing question.

Watching her from a seat in the back of the room, I wondered how someone could maintain such constant utter commitment to the present moment. She inhaled the now, scarcely pausing to let out her breath into the past. Did the march of time, the promise of the imminent, even concern her?

She was exactly the type of person who would give everything for anything. If I had to guess, I bet her greatest fear was the empty moments.

"She's so dumb"

"Loser!"

"As if you could taste a sound! "

"Idiot"

"She's just so stupid !"

She walked through the hallway, their voices a flash of red and yellow, their faces the sound of static.

*****

"Can't he sit still ?"

"He keeps fidgeting"

"He never stops moving"

"He's just so stupid !"

He walked down the street, his hyperactive brain catching snippets but not full sentences, content in his own self.

*****

"She looks so sad"

"Can't she smile for once?"

"Leave her alone; she's just stupid"

She glanced about once or twice, then walked on, her brain carrying carrying the heavy burden of her life.

I live everyday of my life 

knowing that to my father,

I was a product for sale,

not a human being who deserves to know my paternal side.  

With dollar signs in his eyes

And zero thought to how I might cry

I live everyday of my life

knowing that to the sperm clinics, 

my existence is a huge profit to their business. 

I live everyday of my life

knowing that 

my conception

My existence 

was a transaction. 

If you were to drown, I would jump down after you.

I would swim until my arms ache.

Pulling you up towards the glittering surface and hauling you to safety.

If you were to drown, I'd instantly jump after you without a second thought.

If you were to drown, I would to.

Because I am always going to be one step behind you.

You stand in thoughts

Drenched in mysteries

Exposing your eyes’ embers

Hungrily reaching

Anxiously willing

Silently dying

Before you the tides scream

Inside you the fears swell

Feverishly whispering

Romantically daydreaming

Vehemently kissing

You stand in awes

Smothered in questions

Soaring into his eyes’ hues

He always knows how to stop time...

#blueeyes #you #purelove #souls #intensity #energy