Wash away the world's weight with our intention-based soaps. Carefully formulated with essential oils, crystals, herbs and vivid mica-based colors, our blends are handmade with great thought and reverence for a range of spiritual beliefs and practices. Try out one of the blends listed below:

Fuck Around & Find Out:

Embrace your inner fighter with this spicy-sweet prohexion blend. Made with a clear soap so you can see through the nonsense, infused with cinnamon, frankincense, sandalwood, vanilla and vetiver for protection and deflection and dressed with roselle, Himalayan salt, red carnation, and peppercorn for aesthetic and effect.

Soap of Solomon:

Inspired by the legendary biblical poem, this soap is made for divine union work. Created with a soothing goats milk blend and infused with myrrh, frankincense, sandalwood and topped with rose petals, jasmine, and pomegranate seeds to inspire two sides to become one. Thy suds are better than wine.

Come To Mama:

A light, healing blend of rose, vanilla, and citrus topped with rose petals, lavender, jasmine, lily, and forget-me-not created for feminine energy-based healing.

And a note: it's totally fine if you think this is all bullshit--because, if nothing else, they're quite beautiful and smell lovely :)

Your mother-in-law during surprise visits. That awful lady who’s on the PTA and the HOA. Your husband on a particularly unlucky Football Sunday.

The chatterbox having a speakerphone conversation in the middle of the grocery store. The teenager watching TikTok videos at full volume on the train. Your children. Yes, even them.

You don’t need to carry those noise canceling headphones around anymore. Leave the earplugs at home. Hell, throw them away. You don’t need them anymore.

Bose is integrating the QuietComfort noise-canceling technology you love into a device your doctor can implant in just seconds. Just tap your temple twice to turn it on and watch your chaos turn into silent bliss. Mute the rest of the world to prioritize your wellbeing. And keep a smile on your face while that HR lady drones on about her weekend plans.

It’s a love letter from the revolutionaries in sound engineering to your ears. A promise of argument-free family gatherings. A new start to the rest of your life, on your terms. Ask your doctor about the QC Ultimate if you’re ready to take control of the soundtrack of your life.

Tired of the same ol' addictions? Heroin, cocaine, gambling, religion, Taylor Swift?

Now new technology now allows you to skip the middleman, and I'm not just talking about your supplier — I'm talking about the stuff itself. Why waste your time with the peaks and valleys of supply and demand. Narcotic half-lives? Or the vicissitudes of your dealer's pricing?

Go natural! Go organic!

Our new dopamine pump, the DŌPA-Mean-Machine®, inserts deeply under your fingernail and feeds your neuroreceptors a continuous stream of 4-(2-aminoethyl) pyrocatechol hydrochloride (C8H11NO2 • HCl).

You can control how much you get by our app on your smartphone. Lost your lover? Turn it up. Got a raise, still, turn it up, right?

Go to your happy place, all the time, continuously, catatonically. Get the thrills of heroin, sex, entertaiment, power, and rapture all at once.

(Convenient subungual applicator sold separately, bamboo included!)

(Coming soon, Ketamine-Machine. And the surprise-me!-pump — the new, improved, Unforseen-Machine, for those who want to be adventurous.)

Want a twist? Add the new hydrogen-a-rator, to add or replace a hydrogen group sidechain. Make your own and feel like no one's EVER felt before.

[NOT FOR PRE-SCHOOL TEENAGERS or LIBRAs]

Wish to live stress free? Even for just a day? What if I told you I could make that happen with one simple solution? Not giving a crap! Believe me it works! Days when I can no longer take the bearing weight of life I just stop caring. Now I have lighter shoulders and a straighter back.

Can you feel it? Pressure free!

No one bothers you if you don't give a crap! So what are you waiting for! Start not giving a crap today! You're in for a better tomorrow!

Do the laws of geometry foil your passion for hoarding books? Do you long to acquire more tomes, but have nowhere left to store them? Is your library overflowing, and your floor stacked with innumerable volumes?

We present our latest innovation: non-euclidean bookshelf stickers! As thin as a piece of paper, and as deep as your arm can reach! Need some more shelf pace? Slap one on your fridge door! Purchased an antique, sixty-volume encyclopaedia? Congratulations! You can now store it inside your bedroom wall for safe keeping! Any vertical surface instantly becomes a bookshelf. Let your bookish tendencies run wild!

We stock a wide range of pre-made stickers in various shapes and sizes, and walk-in stickers are produced to order. Contact us today!

Do you have an unwanted child? Do you want to get rid of said child? Then you need child be gone. The spray that gets rid of all of your problems. Having financial issues? Child be gone! Have a headache that won't go away? Just use child be gone! Don't have a child? Don't worry child be gone still works, even if it isn't your child! Buy child be gone today just $99.99 plus shipping. That's $99.99 plus shipping. (Child be gone is not responsible for bringing back said child back)

We all encounter this same problem:

Not knowing how to answer.

Kids, to parents...

Parents to offspring....

Preachers to the front row;

Teachers to the back seat...

Politicians to the naysayers.

You know how it goes...

Enter, the Randomizer.

Discreetly point it at your antagonizer,

and it changes the topic to a perfect neutralizer.

Completely offhand, random, no strings attached.

Just point, and Shoot!-- you never know what comes out.

*TV drop ship purchase money order only. No guarantee for effectiveness. Batteries not included. No stated or implied warranty. Not legally viable in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and Connecticut. Known to the State of California to cause reproductive harm, and other long term physical and mental health defects. Offered as is, copyright 2023. All rights reserved. Patent pending #Z233446-97349-0001 Made in the USA.

12.21.2023

New Sponsor challenge @AJAY9979

A home is all Peter the Penguin wanted. He had with him a small bundle of rocks and he was looking for a home. Join Fr. Javier and Shelly as they try and convince Fr. Matt to take in this lonely penguin. They joke, they laugh, and they plead with the young priest. Come and join the duo as they begin an adventure in this new book, "Peter the Penguin Needs a Home" coming to bookstore near you!

Do you ever get the nagging feeling that reality should be constructed with firmer stuff?...

Are your best laid plans often coming up short signifying a total lack of control?...

Does it seem more and more probable that there might be a glitch in the Matrix, and haven't you seen that same banana colored car drive by you twelve times now in the span of ten minutes???...

...Sounds like you could use a dab of 'ACTUAL LIFE ACTIVATOR'!...

It's new...it's scented...and now it's not just for Men, Women, and Trans, but non entities as well with it's special bonus attachments that create the likeness of being flesh and blood like everyone else, and not just an interloping parasite of the living!

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If life's gone flimsy, or

lumpy as a bowl of cold oatmeal

Get a life, and reach for ACTUAL LIFE ACTIVATOR!...

It will tickle your senses, and put your finger back on the pulse

Of what's valid, and swell...And that's not just a sell

That's ACTUAL LIFE in a bottle; so throw on the throttle, and embrace the aroma

Of ACTUAL LIFE ACTIVATOR!...

This Message brought to you by The Severance of Earthly Ties Corporation.