Among the Stars
“Shoot for the moon,” they said. “Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” And so I did. I aimed for the moon, shot higher than I had ever dared, higher than I had ever dreamed.
I didn’t quite make it, but that’s okay. They were right – I landed among the stars. And it was beautiful.
It was darker than I had imagined among those tiny pinpricks of light. From Earth, they always seemed so close together – little communities of stars joined together in their constellation neighborhoods. But once I was out there, I realized how lonely they truly were. Even the closest stars were hundreds of thousands of miles apart.
And now I am among them, a dark spot floating in a dark sea, occasionally passing other shadows, blacker than the inky void that serves as our background. Sometimes when I remember who I once was, I search for something to reach for again, but I think I’ve gone as far as I can go. There’s nothing left to reach for, at least nothing that I can see. I can’t even move backward because there is no backward; there is no direction at all. There is only blackness and shadows and tiny pinpricks of light too far away to reach in one timeline or a hundred.
I long to search for the inspiration and motivation I once had, but it’s hard to see by the light of stars and shadows.
“We regret to inform you”
Last week, I applied for an MFA in Writing.
Today, I am going to dye my hair peroxide blonde.
Because I am all talk, apparently, with very little substance.
Five words isn't very many. You have an incurable disease. You are going to hell. You are a bad person. It's only a flesh wound.
Nothing I haven't heard before.
So why do these five words hurt?
Let me explain it as a Facebook post:
[I read a post on Facebook yesterday that lobsters can't scream when they're being boiled alive. Their exoskeleton releases a high pitched noise when it boils, and that is their scream - the only way they can release the pain.]
I put that in "[]" because it is contained.
When my hair strands meet the peroxide, they can't scream, either.
It will be contained, and I will be contained, in this little post where I share that my dreams were put in a pot, boiled, and were determined to be nothing but hot air.
It will be contained, in a hair salon, where I will ask the hairdresser to make me blonde.
In five words, she will say: I will not do that.
In five words, she will say: You will regret doing this.
In five words, the lobsters boiled to death.
In five words, I couldn't scream out loud.
All it takes is five words.
Stars perhaps
light the way
upward
beyond
not a guide
but a mirage
dream apparition
to us here below
that this
is not
all there is
Shadows we have always with us
where we create heat and warmth
the opposite hangs back a cardigan
around our shoulders old tattered
clinging reminding us of darkness
chill that biting nip sting frigidity
Astrolabes & Push Pins
Stars and shadows
are good,
to go by
cross my heart
I've never learnt
the sky yet
it's always
with...
day and night
disciplinary
flow
and not
to go by,
our navigation
of Life...
the way it lies
left and right
moving
beside
and within
imperceptibly
deceiving us
with visions
we can't
quite tack
...as stars
in the shadows
of our eyes...
06.25.2024
"Stars and shadows ain't good to see by." Mark Twain, Huckleberry Finn @dctezcan
Never SEEN
You in the stars now
Not in her body
Not in her belly
Not in her womb
All that is left
Is your shadow haunting him
And your star being admired by her
Your presence never felt
Your scent never smelled
Your smile never seen
Your skin never touched
Him is all to blame
Tears formed never wasted
Smiles broken
Hearts crushed
For the shiny star burning bright
Is you smiling at us
Twaining.....
"Stars and shadows ain't good to see by." Mark Twain, Huckleberry Finn
Some folks might be inclined to say, “The stars are a just guide to righteousness and everlasting truth.” My reply to such whimsical folly would empathically be, “Best be careful ’lest those bright stars blind the truths found only in what the eye can see.” At which point, those same folks might then be wont to argue, “Well then, best be sure to look behind, beneath, and betwixt the shadows for they lurk both day and night, ever ready to unveil what you seek.” My resounding, resolute, and finite answer would, without a doubt, stand firm, “Shadows ain’t nothing good neither for therein lurk remnants of what truths lie hidden from the hearts of men.”
Satellite Song
The last time i looked
and it ain’t been long
took a whiles to remember
the whole dang song
gotta shadow my clouds
and i don’t know how
got some stars in the sky
that are bogus right now
there’s not much to it
if you can’t afford
the cost of the world
and the strum of the chord
but we gotta keep going
in spite of the pain
of the downpour of living
and the lack of rain
think i might have to move
once the missiles are fired
since the mistakes we made
about the things we desired