you were not the one
but you were someone
it never felt just right
we never quite meshed
you wanted more better
I had only me myself I
little comfort you held
me tight for those years
whispering I was special
singular uniquely crazed
until you found others
better suited to care for
you left me killed me
now I beg for mercy
but you quit listening
now I beg for sky fall
earthquakes swallow
end this world of pain
you were not the one
but you were someone
his body worn out
his insides got tired
we are born to die
death not an end
there's a rainbow
bridge where he'll
be waiting for you
grinning delighted
with all the others
fur beings creatures
we've given love to
shared soul moments
you'll see him again
pet once again now
while he's still warm
he knew always knew
that you loved him
let's dig a hole give
him back to the earth
he won't be chilly
we'll cover him well
snug safe secure with
his favorite blanket
and squeaky toy bone
one of these days
another one will come along
if you believe it you'll see it
your fault really
squeeze your eyes tight
dispel all doubts terrors
you had power all along
to bring love into living
bullshit really
my will cannot compel
others to want need me
ache for bone coupling
warm to breath smell
on in their parted lips
finger touch delirium
squeezed tight shatter
none of these days
I eat what others throw away
makes sense as I am labeled
garbage redundant refused
bottom bag broken pretzels
smashed cookies stale cheese
dented cans with no labels
outdated strawberry yogurt
gleaned from the bargain bin
I the grocer picking choosing
plucking through fingers wide
garbage proffered for purchase
abandoned neglected forsaken
I eat what others throw away
makes sense as I am labeled
garbage redundantly refused
people tiptoe eggshelling it
worried I'll blow up bang
burst go off fly into pieces
I'll admit it happens often
takes little to detonate me
lit stoked explosive laden
not a temper just turmoil
waiting to be exasperated
stirred boiled overcooked
nothing to do with you
I was born as dynamite
ticked off bothered riled
he quit taking notes years ago
my story repeated many times
same beginning same ending
he knows how I feel about it
angry bitter regretful enraged
we've gone over it over it over
somethings can't be undone
somethings can't be unstuck
maybe it's all a bit life lesson
perhaps you needed this fall
will make you a better person
having loved lost lived through
makes you strong resilient stuff
unmovable untouchable muted
tell me again tell me again again
my mother hated me for disrupting her absolutely perfect life
she never forgave me even mumbling hospital white death bed
I have no children no love no hugs to keep me warm and cozy
I am alone born with no love dying too the very same way
branded unlovable I grimace through life grudgingly aware
marked stamped seared burned
with a shy stench still palatable
it follows me
it secludes me
it diminishes me
I was never the loved child
I never had a child to love
my mother spat on my existence
as I spit to her on Mother's Day