“Why is Jimmy running around naked outside?” Anne asked her husband as she smiled innocently.

She knew darn well! Her husband had come home early that day without warning her. She had bolted upright from her tangled bed, had thrown Jimmy off her body, and told him he had to leave. Jimmy ran to the second story bedroom window, leaping to the ground, twisting his ankle. Butt naked, he limped down the street, pausing only to catch his breath.

Anne’s husband, John, laughed as he saw him trying to escape down the street. “He must have been in bed with some housewife! This ought to teach him.”

How did John come to that conclusion? Well, he had come home even earlier than Anne realized, having a delicious romp with her best friend who lived down the street. Anne’s best friend, Jenny, was the wife of Jimmy. Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive!

"Why is Jimmy running around naked outside?" Anne asked.

Frank looked out the window behind Anne and groaned. "He said something about 'getting in touch with nature.'"

Anne's brow furrowed in worry, "Should we get him inside?"

Frank chuckled softly and shook his head at his wife. "You remember what happened last time? We live in the country, I say let him burn his energy."

"You're right," Anne sighed, "Would be easier to put him to bed."

She turned to her husband. "It's just a phase, right?"

"Of course," he brought her close and kissed her on the forehead. 

"Phases can last thirty years...right?"

Frank nodded into her hair and let his tear fall on her shoulder. 

Why is Jimmy running around naked outside, Anne asked herself. It was the middle of the night, another night of insomnia, of half-remembered snatches of dream. She was sitting in the dark on the porch in the warm summer dark. There were still hours before sunrise. Whenever she couldn't sleep, which was more and more these nights, she would come out here and sit on the porch swing that Calvin had hung up the day they had moved in, over thirty years ago. Her son oiled the chain every time he came to visit so it did not creak as she swung back and forth like a pendulum.

The street was quiet, houses full of sleeping families, the children off for the summer; some houses were empty, their owners at the shore or Florida. She had been rocking herself calmly, gazing up into the night, trying to remember all the constellations Calvin had taught her in those first days, lying out in the grass behind the barn, breathless. And then something drew her eye down to earth again.

It was James. Jimmy. The boy from three houses down. He was running, or more accurately, stumbling along the sidewalk, every other step clumping onto the street, then back up onto the curb. He was stark naked. She barely knew his family, but, like all the neighborhood, had heard the stories and rumors about him. For a fourteen year old, Jimmy had a reputation for being, frankly, nearly feral.

He slogged past the walk that led up to her porch. She peered out at him, pale and exposed in the dark. She held her breath, listening; he was muttering to himself as he went by, and as she stared, she saw he was limping, favoring his left leg. She planted her feet on the porch and stopped the swing. Anne stood, the tartan blanket falling to the floor.

In two strides, she was at the top of the porch stairs. James, she called in a loud whisper, a soft shout. He stopped as though he had hit an invisible wall and peered around for the sound of the voice, even looking up for some few seconds, as though heaven had spoken.

She said again, slightly louder, James. Over here. He looked and she waved, beckoning.

He stood frozen for a moment, then came up the walk, imperious like a conqueror. He did not cover himself, and so she saw all of him, his boyish parts and fuzz. He climbed the stairs with head down, and she stepped back as he reached the top.

What is wrong, James, she asked. Jimmy, what's happened?

He looked up at her, and she saw the black eye, the split lip. Mrs. Harper, he asked, as though recognizing her in a strange place. She nodded. James, what's happened, tell me.

He wiped the back of his hand across his mouth and winced.

He came at me again, ma'am, he said, his voice a knife's blade. My dad.

"Why is Jimmy running around naked outside?" Anne asked...

My name is Anne Spoon. I am a 27 year old female who lives in the suburaban area of Javartha. I work at the nearby pharmacy, and from time to time we always get some pretty crazy patients or clients. Now, it looks like we have another strange usual customer acting really quite odd.

It's Jimmy Burger. The one and only guy in the entire suburban area who thinks he can get away with doing anything. Today he decided to take his craziness to a whole other level.

"He says that someone dared him to do it," said Dann Mines.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe he's just being his crazy self Dann."

My colleague Dann seems to believe what Jimmy always tells him. I try to listen to him, but I think he needs to understand his condition. Jimmy needs to stop pulling ridiculous acts or even doing what anyone tells him to do. He could end up either getting hurt or hurting someone else.

Jimmy doesn't need to keep coming to the pharmacy everyday. He just comes to bother people and pull of random stunts. No matter how many times I always call security, he comes back the next day.

I've now decided to ignore his silly acts and whatever he says. But now I'm going to have to call security again. Will this craziness ever come to an end?

For now I have also asked the guards to escort Jimmy to the psychiatry ward. I hope they can help him to control his mental & social behavior. I believe that they will help him get better.

"Why is Jimmy running around naked outside?" Anne asked.

Her mother gave her a tight-lipped look. "You've done it too."

"What?" Anne gasped. "When?"

Her mother wiped her forehead with a floury hand, leaving a streak of white on her skin. "We all do it sometimes. But most people who see it and do it don't remember." 

"Why is Jimmy running around naked outside?" Anne asked.

"Jimmy, get off the shrooms, man!" Adam yelled out the window, although he looked thoroughly entertained by the sight.

"Since when did he get shrooms? He literally finished rehab, like, two months ago," Sarah questioned. Everyone's eyes fell on Adam who nervously laughed.

"I mean... you can go to the Safeway and get yourself some mushrooms. The cut ones. Uncut. The bigass ones. Shiitake--"

"Just... stop. Please." Candace held up a hand in a polite way to get Adam to shut the fuck up. And Adam did so because an irritated Candace is a homicidal Candace.

"Let's just let him run out his high," Colby suggested, wincing when Jimmy fell to his knees and began sobbing uncontrollably about how he'll be alone forever. A heavy silence fell over Jimmy's friends. Then Anna spoke up again, clearing her throat awkwardly with her cheeks gradually reddening.

"I-I didn't realize he's uncircumcised..."

"You better keep that in mind for later," Adam muttered under his breath.

"Are you fucking high? Is this some sort of metaphor for my failings as a parent? Am... Am I sure I don't see him? Yes I'm pretty sure I don't see a naked man named Jimmy running around my backyard. Why would his name be Jimmy, anyways?"

"He's right there."

"HOLY SHIT, WE'RE LOOKING IN THE SAME DIRECTION. JIMMY IS DEFINITELY NOT HERE RIGHT NOW... Alright... That's the last time I let you smoke angel dust with me."