Everything is dark.

Smells foul—reeks of lost ambitions and broken dreams

In some kind of box

Don’t know if I’m dreaming or not

Sounds and swirls echo

Whispers of Everyone I ever loved

and Everyone I didn’t.

I want light

To feel it–the soft warmth of early morning sun

To see it–sunbeams split through leaves

To be it–the only escape.

But there is none.

Just me

and my ghosts

that I took with me

my ghosts

that I keep in me

my ghosts

that are me.

Just me

and my ghost

somewhere at the bottom of the morgue.

it was a slow drift

into the fog

everyone around me

they say that

they feel this

this

this

this

this is happy

this is fun

this is exciting

and i feel

absolutely nothing.

.

the ink spills out of my veins

in thick gushes

small rivers . on paper that doesn’t bleed

the only way

that I can communicate at times

so you don’t rip the words from my skin

but instead you read from my soul

my fingers are stained . but pen is never broken

dripping scarlet tears

turning words into sounds

making you hear a voice

centered around . a barely focused heart

.

.

wishing on the moon

for a blinking chance

a crescent of warmth

broken by a glance

heart chained and void

cause it’s eclipsed by fear

i won’t enter orbit

don’t wanna go near

feel hasn’t become

anything but empy space

at the end of the universe

all it is: ungrounded chase

We talk without words.

Lips soft and strong hold me like arms that carry all of the darkest things I’ve burdened you with. And still you stay, hands brushing against cheeks and through my hair. You tuck strands behind my ear and tuck me under your arm so that I can feel as safe and warm as the first night you drove me home. And that’s exactly what you became; my forever home. Your chest, the safest place to lay my head. Eyes so blue that they bring calm after every storm.

And I love you I love you I love you.

In bowling alleys and at kitchen tables and while you brush your teeth. It takes everything in me not to say it every second.

Choices shine like stars in my torn mind.

They flicker brightly one moment

And fade to black in the next.

Drawing focus from what

I want most in life.

Holding me still

Paralyzed.

I say

No.

Brake lights in the dark

are all that keep me going

as the wipers clear the rain,

rhythmic like a heartbeat,

and the rows of trees loom

over the street

like reapers.

A thirty-minute drive

seems to last a life time,

to save a life,

or two, or three.

Maybe a whole family.

At least the lights

glow in the night,

fluorescent reflections,

hope in embers,

better than the sterile room,

the people pacing

in a quiet building and

the smell of fear.

It’s all okay in the end,

(for us following at least),

seats all filled,

driving home

after a few days on the mend,

glad to leave the hospital,

go back to almost normal,

but no one leaves

the automatic doors

without a burden,

because life and death

can be equally heavy,

and you will never

know someone

enough to be ready.

cover me

in the darkness

like my most

favorite blanket

warming me

with the heightened

flames of your desire

your breath

teasing my earlobes

with soft caresses

as poetry

drips off your tongue

awakening the depths

of my hunger

my eyes meet yours

love overflowing

undeniable gazes

conversing so loudly

dousing all doubt and fear

in this moment

the world is on pause

as our song of passion

is heard

so loud and clear

the moonlit

windows

cascades upon

the sin saturated

skin

sensual murmurs

echoes through

the calm

warm

enchanted winds

as the light of love

embraces, covers

and shines through

the depths

of my darkness

© 2017 ScriptedSilence. All rights reserved

It's horrible feeling like it’s the only reason you exist.

But no one is ever going to listen.

No one has the time to care.

So what's the point in existing.

#motivation #writing #life #self-doubt