Not to deepen this depression that I'm already in but you wanted me to tell you so I'll tell you. The saddest of all poets are the ones who lose themselves for a night or so only to wake up with their thoughts in front of them and only a pen that can really understand them. This very poet is me, this very person who doesn't know how else to tell it is who I am. I can't tell you about the dementias I've been through these past 4 days because it just wouldn't make sense, but this very thing broke my heart and lead me to it all. This very thing that makes me ache and yearn to understand why is the inevitable question, why?

Why was I everything, more than enough to a person, only to find that it wasn't good enough? Multiple times I told myself that I wans't good enough for him, fact is he's not good enough for me. I think that much is true, however, I don't know if that's all I want to say about being 'good enough.' What is good enough? I mean all my life I try my hardest to be good enough for me and everyone around me and it's just that time where I really ask myself, what is good enough? Is straight A's good enough? Does that complete who I am? Does having the life that people dream of make me good enough? Does my hair or my skin make me good enough? What about my personality and attitude, morals? Do those things make me good enough? Did that seem enough to him in his eyes or did he need more? If he needed more then what more was he lacking? I gave everything to him, heart, mind, body, and soul, but I don't think it was good enough... or may be it was and I just didn't know it.

Why did I deserve it? Did I annoy him... no, I thought I talked to him the amount he wanted me to talk to him.. in the beginning he made it clear, he wanted a relationship but not one where he was hassled. I didn't hassle him! I only wanted a phone call, a text, a simple paragraph every once in a while to tell me that he cared. To tell me that at the end of the day, I still mattered to him. I was more than just a phone call away, I was a text away, a silence away... I was never spiritually away, ever. I though I listened, I thought I heard what his soul was aching for and tried my hardest to complete it. So again, why did I deserve it? I never did anyone like this in my past, I never lied, okay only once... I never cheated, ever. I never hid anything from him, I was always honest, but it wasn't enough... again. What was good enough?

It isn't the fact that he's not here, but the fact that a broken heart remains because I never will ever have these two questions answered, ever. I will never know what the amount of perfection will be and never will know what the limitations of life will take me so I will always remained anonymous to my muse.

Because sometimes dreams don't come true,

That's why we wish on stars;

Hoping those heavenly bodies can fulfill

Something our hearts cannot.

But what chance have stars

-Who in all their glory

Fail even to touch the Earth-

Of fulfilling our deepest desires,

When we-we who have power to move-

Cannot, though all the land's our medium?

Across the steppes, after four long months of winter and dwindling supplies, the starving Prussians, beleaguered by aridity and conflict, trudged their final miles. Staring glazedly into the middle distance, somewhere between their bleeding, swollen feet and the unbroken horizon, the gaunt leader of the tribe choked up a mangled cry of warning.

“Mgnhuh!”

All the shuffling stopped and in slow motion, the hooded heads lifted as one. Gasps and echoes of gasps cut through the frozen air, transfixed as if by some celestial vision. Then chaos. Despite their wounds and the wintry chill, they threw off their cloaks, frantically peeled off the layers of wool and fur, until all that clung to their broken bodies was the tiny floss of gold-lamé g-strings.

Writhing commenced. They had arrived. Cher’s 22nd final farewell tour.

I was born into this world in 1952, in deepest, grimmest Liverpool. Television was a rarity, soot covered houses lined grey, cobbled streets, and it was common to find houses shared by two families. It was a far cry from the Liverpool of today, but despite the grime it was a happy, safe place to live.

I did not grow up with television, and the only toys I had was a tin spinning top and a knocked together go-cart which gave me much fun as it rattled and skidded as it went.

It was to be many years before Pong was released to a world that was ignorant of this new form of entertainment, and we devoured it, utterly amazed at being able to play a game on our televisions. It was a simple thing, but it paved the way for the gaming systems that we now covet.

I was hooked by it, engrossed with wonder at how it all worked, and I fell in love with those sliding paddles and bleeping sound effect. It was succeeded by other games that were sold by the millions; the magnificent Asteroids; Space Invaders and countless variants which stoked our appetites and gave added impetus to an as yet infant industry. It wasn't too long before Arcades opened their doors to fanatical fans on the high streets and we poured in to this brave new world with our pockets jangling with change, eager to display our prowess and take on all comers for those coveted high scores.

Over the years I have played on many systems and have many favourite titles that bring a tear to this old man's eye, but for this challenge I must pluck the finest, the games which above all else epitomised what for me, were the pinnacle of my gaming years. So then, here they are in order of importance;-

1. Frontier Elite 2. (PC). Bug filled space exploration and trading game that had a complete star system within it for you to discover. Immense, difficult and magnificent. 5 Star.

2. Super Mario World (Nintendo SNES). The first of the great platform games. Huge, intricate and eternally replay-able. 5 Star.

3. The Legend Of Zelda, Ocarina Of Time (NIntendo N64). Beautiful role playing game that rewards perseverance with great satisfaction, tinged with emotion. 5 Star.

4. The Elder Scrolls Oblivion (Microsoft XBox). Fantasy Role Playing Game that combined hack and slash swordplay with Magic and unrivalled character development. A huge world that was open to the player from the start. This almost hit the number 1 spot due to its incredibly deep character development options and replay ability. 5 Star.

5. Pokemon (All Editions) Nintendo Gameboy Colour and upwards. Role Playing and exploration on a grand scale coupled with fantasy animal collecting and battling. I am happy to report that of all the games I have played, this is the only game I still dive into for some fun. At first appearance it appears to be a child's game, but dig beneath its charming exterior and you'll find a game that deserves to be in every gamers hit list. 5 Stars.

These are my top five titles. Every one is a gem, if you like computer games that is.

What if you were an award winning actor, taking on a new role in a new film, like you've done countless other times? And what if when you go into this character, you find that you cannot come out of it, that you're trapped inside the character and unable to separate yourself from that character's mindset? What then? What will you do to be set free from that character? How far would you go? And what would you risk?

* * *

Had a story idea recently that involves a big star actor (fictitious) that when he goes into this character, he can't come out of it. Haven't decided any particular details yet, but wanted to see what you guys and gals would think of it. Tell me in the comments!

- Michael Hall

"Some stories are better left untold." The old man said to the ever curious young man. The young man looked at him puzzled; he had asked a question, a simple question, and had gotten a philosophical statement, not an answer.

"What do you mean?" The young man asked, pressing the old man to go farther, to explain, to say what he meant.

"One day you'll understand. You'll be older, maybe even greying around the temples, but you'll understand what I meant all too well. But for now I'll simply explain it." The old man said as he looked over the horizon, towards the unknown. He looked away from the horizon and turned towards the young man who was synonymous with impatience, but it was in his nature to be impatient, to be a fool at time; he was young after all.

"Sometimes there are times in a person's life that they don't talk about either because they're too painful or they're simple a raw nerve. You're asking about that time of my life; do you think I'll open up to you like a book? Well, I won't. You'll learn about it in time and when you do, it will not be from me in anyway." The old man said staring into the young man's eyes then without another word, turned away, looking back towards the horizon. The young man was shocked by the old man's change in reaction to him; he had thought when the old man said he'd explain it that he would tell him, but that was, obviously, a misunderstanding.

"What happened to you? You're not the same man I remember when I was a boy." The young man said, demanding an answer in his own way, despite his initial shock.

"You have lost someone; I too have lost." The old man replied and at that moment, the young man found that he understood all too well.

- Michael Hall

My future seemed bright but the light is fading. My love seemed caught but it seems to be escaping. My thoughts were aligned but have been tossed up like a bad game of scrabble. Things that were once solid leave and die and get lost in the rabble. Eating used to be too easy, but now it makes me nervous. Maybe if I go to sleep for a while I'll be doing everyone good service. All I really need is a good friend, or a few. But silence is stability and you can't have the two. I keep getting lost in thought but the words I write are stained. Writing was my savior but now it seems so strained.

If home is where the heart is, then I'm fucking lost. And I can't say your name without out my blood as the cost. If I cry myself to sleep just right, I'll see you in my dreams. But as long as I'm alive, you always seem to leave. My pillows catch my tears like a rag, but dream catcher must have a snag, because all I get are nightmares. I'll ring out my pillow case and try to dream again. The land of milk and cookies taste a lot like gin. I'll drown myself in whiskey, and just pray to God you miss me.

I don’t want to be anyone else, nor do I want to be anything else other than what I already am. The pain I endure will shape me, like all the physical and metaphorical wounds I have. And I may be alone, and I may be alone for forever, but I will learn through it, and will be shaped by it. I don’t want to think of instantaneous change, because it’s cheap. It has no backbone; happiness not earned isn’t happiness at'all but complacency. Would I like to be happy? Sure, no one wants to be sad, but I am. Would I like no longer be alone? Yes, but the reality is that I am alone. Partially because of who I am, and partially because of uncontrollable circumstance. Either way, I wouldn’t wish for instantaneous happiness or companionship. Love not earned isn’t love but rather a lie; and happiness not earned isn’t happiness but complacency.

- Michael Hall

You see my face, all happy and warm. You are in denial of the pain I once wore.

Rejection was my battlefield, I would yield jokes to cover up the pain.

Scars of inner shame have burned their way through my sinew leaving all exposed.

My rising above my circumstance was a crawl through burning ash. My mind whirling with hate. Nothing rash or competent could enter with the smoke looming around me.

Drowning in my own sea of self doubt.

I could scream and shout the demons swarming my mind would laugh and heckle in my own demise.

In my pain I thought I was wise.

Through blood and sweat and empty promises and threats; I made it through the mire.

An acrobat on a thin thousand high wire. Determination was my balance stick.

My despair nightly thick as blackness crawled inch by inch, swallowing every fairy size candle in my heart.

Ever reaching for a new start.

Every girl has a knight. To not be deceived, there is valid truth seeds of love in every fairy tale told.

The first came on a cross died so brave and bold. There is confusion and mockery on this event. To me non-relevant. He waded through my mire muck. Helped me see the princess in myself, when the world tried to put me on the shelf of disdain. His love for me will ever reign.

My second knight, yes I have two. His love came at a time when care and hope had walked out of the secret crevices of my heart. I was sure I would lie in the Sahara of my mistakes. Then my soul was shaken.

Awaken to the love of a mortal man? I cursed them all. Wanting all of them to be damned. I could not resist.

He missed not a detail in my truth. Was not cruel or uncouth. He took me as I am.

I will forever be a little lamb to both of them.

There is so much denial in our world, truth has such a tiny voice, through the good and the bad, if we listen close, we will all unfold in the glory of light like the rose.