an existence without a meaning

is a fruitful nothingness 

a life without worry or pain

is a blissful ignorance                   

                                                          but is that so bad?

others say that i should do more

but honestly, i do to much.

other say i'm always lost

but i never had intention to be found

                                                         so am i lost?

why exist for another

when you cant even exist

why love

when it leads to hate

tell me please.

i am unable to retain this feeling

i think i am something more

but i cant stop feeling that 

the voice are actually there

                                                            what are they saying?

the words are muffled but i can make out some words

but the words i hear i don't want to hear

because they will make me think

and i will start to fe-

                                                         i forgot......

who am i again?

why did i live?

i guess we're back again

just an existence without meaning.

I was born on a pincushion

I was stuck to the pillow with a pin each time I tried to be free

Each time I tried to be me

Once I got away when no one could see

The blood stained my skin

The pins pricked my heart

And once I was let go

I dropped

I fell

Now my heart stopped beating

And I'm no longer breathing

The blood is black

And I'm trapped

why do you make me a bird with broken wings?

i know what it feels like to fly,

i know how to soar from tree to mountain top,

but you suck the wind from beneath my wings and i fall.

i am:

a lost hope of an eagle

a pesty, childlike crow with a hankering for evil

a full grown bluebird that still can't crack it's shell.

i am impatient as i sink further.

clawing and cawing

at the vines as i fall through,

you watch me with your hawk eyes.

i can see you smile as i glide by.

The screams don't stop and neither do the bullets. It's only been a day, but I somehow doubt that this will all blow over soon. 

It's such a strange thing, the apocalypse. I've read books, played games, watched tv shows,even had dreams of it. And yet, I was still so unprepared.

I've always said that I wouldn't be one to last, but I didn't realize just how quickly I'd go. I was bitten before I even knew what was going on.

But, shit happens. The only thing left to do is say goodbye and enjoy my last few hours. Probably.

In shambling rot, decay of sorts

A listless heart is dying

Rusted at the edges by briny tears and too much time alone "to breathe"

It's what he said I need...

Pointed fingers, jagged words

They weave a crooked path into my brain

Finding residence among the remains of yesterdays I've yet to replay

So much darkness in the light of day

I am not whole, not incomplete

A continuation of thoughts repeat

Like story books they painted pictures

Never ending love that features

A charming prince, a rescued dame

But that is just a child's game

To play pretend, pretend until

The truth and lies are blended well

And love becomes a blessed burden

Where we never look behind the curtain...

The day you realize you are incapable of someone falling in love with you, that is the most self destructive day you will ever have. I push people away, I hide, I run. I'm scared. They are scared of me because I'm always too much . Too much something for them to handle. No one ever seems to want the sad girl who doesn't smile. Who cries a lot and hates herself. No body wants that's girl. No body wants me.