Voodoo Dick
(It's dumb.)
A woman walks into an adult store. She tells the guy behind the counter that her husband is going away on business and that she needs something to "entertain" her while he's gone. He reaches under the counter and pulls up a thin box with the words "Voodoo Dick" over the cover.
"Ooh" she says, mouth wide in awe. "How does it work?"
The clerk opens the box and shouts "Voodoo Dick: door!" The dildo flies out of it's box and once it hits the door, does not leave the store but instead starts hitting the door.
"What's it doing?" the woman asks.
"Can't you tell? It's fucking the door!"
"Ooh, I'll take it!"
...
Cruising down the street is a car swerving from side to side mile after mile. A cop pulls the car over. It's a woman in heat and convulsions. How she managed to stop the car was above the cop's paygrade.
"Help me," she pleads. "It's this Voodoo Dick! It won't stop fucking me!"
The cop stares at the woman in her convulsive state. He's seen plenty of things on the road, from addicts, to thieves, to speeding goats. But nothing prepared him for this. He responded with disbelief. Sure it was an addict or some amateur witch...
"Voodoo Dick? My ass-"
fin.
These always make me laugh... idk why. (warning: some of these are dark and potentially offensive... I’m sorry if I offend anyone with these
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No. To whom.
(This one is my favorite)
Did you here about the woman who had breast surgery? It went horribly wrong and she ended up having sticks and wood stuck in them. Yikes.
Yeah. It would be great if this joke had a punchline, wooden tit.
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Walking.
J.K. Rowling.
(I found this one on a website full of motivational quotes which in of itself makes me laugh)
Knowledge is power.
Power corrupts.
Study hard. Be evil.
(Courtesy of Siri - this has two answers)
Why did the teddy bear turn down the cake?
A: he couldn’t bear it. (My brother came up with this answer)
B: he was stuffed.
What do you call a fruity telephone?
The Jelly. (In Britain they call the telephone a Telly)
What do you make in teapot that cares about its looks?
Vani-tea.
You aren’t born with a photographic memory.
You have to develop it.
Why did the burger cross the road?
To get to the other slider.
Hope I brightened someone’s day with these!
Jokes
Teacher: Hey what do you call a cow jumping a barbed wire fence?
Also Teacher: Utter destruction.
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
Mom: Hey, honey how was school today?
Son: Great there was a kidnapping at school.
Mom: What? Is he ok?
Son: Oh he was fine he woke up five minutes later.
ha ha ha I am very funny .
