Fiery Malevolence
I often think
about how I would destroy him.
I imagine him out at a bar
talking to a woman.
He has his hand on her thigh
and he's thinking he's going to get lucky.
And then I walk in.
I push between the two
with fire in my eyes
and poison on my lips
and I tell her all the things he did to my friend.
How he didn't hear the word no
and how he is the scum of the earth.
How he is a narcissist,
a gaslighter,
a manipulator,
an absolute fucking predator that shouldn't be alive.
I imagine her running from him
and the sense of pride I feel with
saving this woman from becoming a victim.
I hear him yelling at me
saying I had no right to say anything,
that it was a long time ago
and it's not that big of a deal.
I do not respond.
I do not fight with words.
What I do instead
is what I have wanted to do since the second I heard what happened.
Without a word
I slowly turn around,
take out a knife,
and cut off his dick.
The Beauty of Being Human
If human is to being
As eyeball is to seeing
Then how do we ever know
What we truly are?
In heartbeats and in dreaming,
In silence and in screaming,
We find ourselves at a distance
Existing both near and far.
Our essence isn't living,
But in loving, and in giving,
In questions that take us to new places,
In the darkness and the light.
To be human is to wonder,
What makes the sound of thunder,
To seek the truths within our core,
Always learning, always more.
LOVE
I wish I could forget exposing myself to you
Lying to myself that this was real
Letting you seep into my blood
Letting you have control over me
Losing everything i was for you
Ostracizing myself from the world for you
Obsessing over you
Obeying your words as if they were law
Opening my heart to pain
Vulgar words that scar me
Vulnerable to what you command
Venom from your touch that burns me
Vicious lies you spread
Egotistical rants that surrounded me
Emotionally neglecting what i needed most
Envying the freedom that was taken from me
Ending up where I never wanted to be
Undervalued
Let me pick up the pen and leave
I know what I'm worth at this point
Not out of arrogance but from hard work
I see my achievements as proof
That I'm not a lowly scribe but a force to
be reckoned with, I'm pure fire,
As each drop of ink alters the world
Writers are the ones who change society
But never receive the credit for their creations
Some of us are excluded from things
It is a constant battle between what is right and what is not
For those of us who create, we are kicked the most,
It is like burning an old painting because it is not a famous
name signed at the bottom
Value does not come from attention but quality
Some people don't deserve our words
Or the time we take to create beauty.
Dark Little Raincloud
Things are getting bad again,
just when I thought the storm had passed,
a dark little raincloud has decided to follow me around
constantly showering me with worthlessness and negativity.
How have I been able to weather the storm in the past?
Why, all of a sudden, does this feel different?
I feel more tired,
more heavy,
unable to smile at the things that used to bring me joy.
I feel completely drenched by all the thoughts and emotions
coming down from the sky.
The rain is coming down harder now,
in sheets so thick
that I am unable to see even the idea of a future for myself.
It used to be so clear,
but now everything has lost its meaning.
Not even the umbrella of all my coping mechanisms
can protect me from the deluge of depression
that has soaked me
down to the bone.
Introduction
In my mind
I imagine these scenarios where I can be this amazing person.
I can be the hero of the story
rather than the sidekick or supporting character of everyday life.
In my mind
I imagine that I am brave,
that I can stand up for myself and others
and win every argument that comes my way.
I get so caught up in these stories
that I can lose hours at a time
watching them play out like a movie when I close my eyes
and allow my imagination to take full control.
But if I don't allow the story to play out
or try to cut it short,
I'm left wondering all-day
where the story could have gone.
So here is every chapter
of the inner workings of my brain
and the stories I have allowed to play out
just for my own peace of mind.
Pick a Side
How is it possible
to see-saw between
feeling content
and feeling completely unfulfilled?
I am so happy with the life I have
and proud of how hard I have worked to get here...
but
there are so many times when I feel lonely
and sad
and I just want someone to walk alongside me through this crazy life.
It feels like my thoughts on this change with the wind,
one moment I'm fine
and the next
I am pining for a life I don't even know if I truly want or deserve.