All or Nothing
There’s a song or a saying that says, “If you can’t be with the one you love, then love the one you’re with.”
In my opinion that’s a pretty crappy suggestion.
If you can’t be with the one you love, then love yourself enough to know you can do better. Why should the one you’re with receive second best or a half-ass kind of love?
No thanks… get to packing if that’s the case.
Sorry For My Unbelief
I thought it could be you and me
I was so certain it could be
I thought that we had chemistry
But there is no room for you, and me
We were so strong together
Thought it'd be a case of when, not whether
Thought we could stay connected forever
Now I know there's no future for us, together
Forgive me for my unbelief
There was so much from you I came to receive
But all of that acted just for me to be deceived
A future for us couldn't be...Sorry for my unbelief
Was everything always this dark?
Or did I just not notice this before?
The light that once led me had died, and I’ve gone astray
Just where am I?
I’ll always be here waiting, you know?
It’s not that I’m moving on, it’s you who is
I’ll always be rooted to this spot until you turn back
So, let's keep each other company, okay?
I’ve always wondered how it’ll feel like to move on
Is it filled with relief?
Today, again, I’m dreaming of that time and dwelling in memories
Old, old, old, memories
The times when we laughed brightly together
The times when we cried sorrowfully together
The times when I didn’t lose my way
But now everything is gone
So, who’s next?
Who will I cherish next?
Is it you? Or you? Or you?
Why can’t I just fall for someone who’ll stay with me forever?
Someone who won’t leave
Someone who’ll always be by my side
Someone who can help me stand up and walk beside them!
Someone who won’t let me be lonely…
Is there anyone out there like that?
Every new verse
must find it path.
It light must shine
the tiniest cracks
of my life.
I might be
putting the letters
in a system.
to the writing
that keeps the
so I can see
It’s you that
in my dream
with the wind.
You are the
not in favor
the fact of the matter is
sometimes you meet the right person
during the wrong time, for one
or for both of you
and you might love them
and im sure they miss you every
night that you're absent from their bed
and i can probably guess that you're
mad at the clock that sits on your nightstand
because the timing was not in your favor
but i regret to inform you that
there is absolutely nothing
you could do about the ache that you
feel for them
because that's how life goes
the one person who could heat up your
entire body as soon as they lace
their fingers in yours
the one person that made you feel
everything and nothing all at once
is not meant to be yours
already mean too much
already know too much
scared to slip in a place
where we could possibly break
couples probably break
sooner or later
and then it’s too late
young love rarely lasts
all we’ve been building up
i want to keep safe.
skin deep and honey
It’s not like it was then
her unconscious mind whispers to her,
it’s slower now, softer,
there is affection sawn into this form of passion and delight.
It drips like honey from the spoon.
stop for a minute,
let yourself think for a minute
without the sounds without the pressure
let it drown you, drown it,
feel it or kill it or embrace it or just get out of your head
as leaves do, as they sway
let them drift gently to the ground
and mind it
forget it and don't repeat
you're here now, you're nowhere, you're free, you're lost
so lost and so small and so
fell it closer now,
the breath on the back of your neck, the
sighs of the sky above as it watches you hide
disappointment is the color, i think
that you'd hide from everything ,
even your own blood it's too scary are you afraid?
why do you do these things who are you who are you who am i
so yeah let's just breathe a minute
let it sink for a minute
become a pen and a paper instead of a coward for a minute,
ever think about that ?
couldn't you be something couldn't you help someone couldn't you be there
how could i
if i never learned how to leave my own head
it's getting crowded, too many things i think, too many fears, i think
disappointment but i think it's all in myself i think
i guess i'm not just pen and paper
i guess i just need a minute
i guess i'll be back in a minute
and then i'll close my eyes
Back into Nature
I watch a rabbit eat its last meal whole
The vines choke a line of trees to death
I sigh and close my eyes and dream till I am dole
Leaves tickle my feet as they rush into the air
A zephyr gently smooths down the trees’ hairs and braids them one by one
A fire of emerald green, egg yolk yellow, and scarlet red bursts into lovely flames
I gaze dreamily into space, thinking of nothing
Suddenly, a deer steps out into the glade
I snap back into reality and stare at it in awe
It instantly freezes into a marble statue and eyes me warily
The sound of a gunshot pierces the air
Quickly, the deer darts to the other side of the forest
I sigh—I have never stood face to face with a deer for more than two minutes
Feeling ever so rejuvenated, I stretch out my arms and embrace all that is nature
I take in a huge gulp of air and breathe out, listening to the humming of my body
The only predator that I have to fear is time
I have one precious hour that I can step out of my shell
and let burst the poetic and stubborn side of me
The only hour that I cease to be another person
Distantly, I hear the drumming of a woodpecker—keeping time.
“What did I do to you?”
He scoffed while he said it.
“Oh,” I thought to myself.
He really doesn’t see
how he sucked my soul dry.
He doesn’t believe
in the unworthiness
he made me feel.
He doesn’t care that
he made me out
to be someone I am not,
or that I have spent three- four?
months trying to mend
his assumptions and accusations.
He doesn’t remember
that my teeth and jaw
are in constant agony from clenching them
while frantic and stressed.
He doesn’t mind that
I can’t listen to music anymore.
He rolls his eyes
at the thought that
I could never want anyone else.
He laughs when I mention
that he was never,
ever there for me,
or that I would worry
about him suddenly
up and quitting us.
He doesn’t see that
he split my soul wide fucking open
and he definitely doesn’t see
how wrong it is to leave someone
open on the surgical table.
He blames me for his daughter
no longer having faith in love,
as if all of these months
I wasn’t trying to show her.
I’ll take the blame,
he of course thinks
I deserve it,
but I hope he remembers,
any time I was hurt,
discarded into the trash,
I was there, standing by
his goddamn side,
trying to figure it out together
because I believed in fucking magic.
*this has turned into more of a diary