I gave her a cup of coffee to warm her soul

“But where is my tomorrow?” she cried.

My jeans dry on tree branches blown

by the wind to dry as do my tears.

My shoes are worn from walking the streets

of desperation, despair and heartless rain.

Reality of living day to day is now my norm

loneliness is my only companion as I strive

to find an open food kitchen or a spare bed.

I have been locked out of life and have no key

I carry all I own on my back as it spills on a trail

of hopelessness and searching for what I have lost

I’m invisible, masked from vision of those who walk by

Stuffing fast food in yawning mouths, leaving crumbs

Why don’t they see me, why don’t they extend hands?

The least little kindness will help me stand once again.

#Challenge #HelpMe @DesperateSouls

When I was young and ignorant

I thought the levels of the books I read 

determined my intelligence.

"No more picture books for me"

"I've grown too old for that teen garbage"

... I'm better than that

But it is not the 

    intricate plots

      polysyllabic words

        impecable diction

          that defines the pages 

its 

the story

the idea

the characters. 

       That manifest in your bones until they swell and are birthed in your heart. 

                                                           ***

        For perhaps, the adult writing that children's book knows that only children will understand the complexities of that particular universe without further explanation. 

I am lonely, but not alone. I have friends, and I have family. What I do not have is someone to hold me, not like the other girls do. Everybody around me has been kissed, held, been told those three precious words. Only once have I had that "someone", yet it wasn't love. Just an act of despair and desperation out of the need of love like the others have. He loved me but I did not love him, a mistake I will never again make. But still, my desperation bleeds through, burning me so harshly as if I were paper drenched in alcohol. I am so strong, but in my need for love, my weakness pours itself out. I know I am beautiful. I know and love who I am and who I wish to be. But perhaps this is what draws them away from me. Perhaps boys want someone whom they need to protect. Maybe they don't enjoy the confidence I have. Or maybe it is simply my quiet nature. Perhaps I am invisible to them. I do not make a show of myself. Though I am not shy, I am reserved. I will never be the loudest voice in the room. I will only speak if I feel the words are truly needed and even then, I am not often heard. Perhaps I am just another body in the crowd, a girl they barely even see the surface of with a just a quick glimpse. Oh, if only the knew how deep my soul goes. Or maybe it is my deep soul causing my wounds from this pathetic need of love. Perhaps no one is willing to dig that deep into my heart, for it would be so long a journey. And it is one no boy is willing to take. Others simply fall in love, but I am one you must learn to love. And learning to love is something I also must do, as I have never had such a beautiful thing. But the world is in a rush nowadays. Who would want to take the time it would to love me? It would be so long and so much. And though I am beautiful, I am invisible. And though I am deep no boy is even willing to look into my eyes long enough, not like they do with the other girls. So perhaps I am simply unseen. Or I am simply too much to take. But I will not change, for I have no desire to. I will wait for somebody to see me in love, someone who will be willing and wanting to take the steps into my strange world and mind. But I am impatient and I am already drowning in the deep longing love has cursed humans with. So perhaps this is simply how it is to be. Perhaps, this is my tragedy.

Hidden deep within my skin,

Is a truth, I hold within.

Inked in black upon my bone,

A spreading plague, I won't let go.

Boring farther into marrow,

Stalagmites forming, destroying 'morrow.

Close my eyes, clench my chest,

Swallow it down, there is nothing left.

Candle waning before the dawn,

Surrounded by darkness, before too long.

Carry this burden to my grave,

Which is digging itself deeper, every day.

Shivering

On his front porch

Swollen heart

A fading torch

Silent

On his death bed

I kiss my baby brother's brow

Words I couldn't say till now,

"I love you..."

I am regret

coating your soul

crushing weight on

struggling torso,

blackened remorse.

You are mine.

It’s too late

To fling me O

                      F

                         F

You’ve been knocking on the window

Because you can’t enter the house unless you’re invited.

You always say you’ll show me,

But I don’t know if it’s a gift or a warning…

One night, when my parents were sleeping,

I let you in and you take me by the hand.

Since it’s magic, as I’m told, I close my eyes.

There is a girl with very long hair

That flows down to the floor when she’s kneeling.

Hands from the back, shear it off in one go

And I look down at the wooden floor.

You are there, but you aren’t a ghost at all.

You’re the person who said to come here

And break from the past,

Forget the beautiful silk robes,

Forget the dancing fans and the koto,

And just be.

But when I look around, this isn’t the past at all

Of where the sun rises red at dawn.

Because when I stand up,

I realize we aren’t in a temple at all,

We are at a cave facing

A Red Tower that used to mean something.

And many buildings are gone,

The barriers are going up because the sun

Too will become limited.

You give me a small plant.

“No matter where you go,

Protect this plant

And put it somewhere

Where you’ll live

Until the day you die.”

When I wake up, the moon is still outside

And there is silence.

You wave and float away.

I know you’ll be back very soon.