I am a rose without its thorns

naked 

and 

unsheathed 

behooved 

on 

frothed 

icy 

cold 

stares 

and 

evolved 

into 

a 

tulip 

gentle 

and 

sweet 

and 

plucked 

me 

from 

the 

garden 

and 

took 

his 

hands 

and 

shed

the 

thorns 

so 

he 

could 

finally 

wrap 

his 

arms 

around 

me 

with 

out 

drawing 

blood 

Do not hold my hand

Unless it's my heart that you want

Do not encourage me to fall

And then leave when I start. 

I wish I had

New words

To tell you.

Things you've

Never heard

Before me.

Things that

Make your

Heart throb.

But all I have

Are the words

Humanity has

Used all along.

And then, it dawned on her…

It wasn't that the universe

had been holding her down,

It was that it had been

holding her still

for him

which side of the grass will I end up on ...

will I fall ..?

or,

will I rise ..?

I,

don't make that choice.

I just hear the cries.

the cries that fall,

from painful eyes.

a new page, yes.

but, no erase ...

stagger and stutter drunk

dazed and unfazed.

waiting for the grenade ...

If it ever drops ....,

I'll pull the pin upon my own head.

The flowers wilted

As you walked away

And with eyelids dimming

To the condescending sun

It haunted our reality

And I curse you

Words spewed at

The back of your head

Fuck you --

For waking me up

And stirring my soul

Making me feel

Like I'd finally found

My home

I slice my forearms laterally

In the shape of your spine

Calloused by your indifference

My heart breaks

All over again

Every time I inhale and

Light bulbs explode

In the presence of

Your ghost in limbo

I was a ballerina

Double-jointed and 

I am Stronger than I look

I will wear a gown

Made of dove feathers

Plucked and dyed

In India ink --

Blackened to the tone of

The condition in which ...

You abandoned my heart 

I sat in front of her. We were both on the floor, facing each other. I looked at her. One of my hands was on her knee. The other one was cupping her cheek, my thumb wiping a small tear.

She sat in front of me. She looked at me. One of her hands was next to her, blood dripping from her just cut wrists. The other one was holding the blade.

5 minutes later we were in exactly the same place. We didn't even need to talk. There was no need of any word exchanging. Our eyes spoke more than our words.

I watched her. She was crying, yet she was still as beautiful as she was when I first saw her. Her deep eyes, filled with tears, were showing one of the saddest story I've seen.

I lived with her for years. I love her. She loves me. I knew from the beggining what I was getting into. Being in a relationship with her was harder than I expected. But I couldn't stay away from her.

I know she suffered. I know she suffers. She is sad, broken and lost. So when I said I'll be forever by her side I meant that I'll help her go through this.

Yet she's still hurting. She's still feeling suicidal. She still hates herself. And she makes me hate myself too.

How could I live knowing that she is still suffering even though I promised her I'll cure her of this disease and send away those demons in her head?

How could I still like myself as a person when I just broke a promise I made to the love of my life?

She's looking at the ground. She's thinking of something, something that makes her sad 'cause I can see her start to shake. She looks at me and starts trembeling and shaking more. She's tearing up again. 'I'm..I-I am re-really so-sorry...' she starts whispering...

How could she ever think that? She could never dissapoint me and I could never be angry at her. But she's still shaking.

I take her hands in my own and put hers on my chest so she could feel my heart beat. I help her concetrate of the sound of my breathing and my heart pounding in my chest. Time passes by, but I know when she finally calmes down, I take her too the bathroom and clean her wounds.

It's not the first time I find her cutting. It actually happened a lot of times. Two weeks ago I found her right here in the bathroom with a knife in her hand.

She's hurting herself over and over, again and again. And it makes me so sad to see her in this state.

After I bandage her wrists, she hugs me tightly.

'I love you' she says.

'And I love you' I respond.

But is that true? Well I do have some powerful feelings for her, certainly. But is it love?

I mean...

How could I love somebody who doesn't even love herself...?