How are you today?

The one question seldomly asked,

I fear I do not say.

You better not be fine.

It's literally

the answer often chosen

to escape the so many

variable that could be

hurting when the equations

are evenly arranged.

I can't tell you what to say.

'Cause I do not know

if the questions are well framed.

Sincerely from the bottom

of my heart,

I hope today

was not like every other day.

Being sad is to expect things not to change.

When they do change,

hope showers it rays

with a smile on your face.

As we lay in the bed with her back to my face,

We have never been more distant with a picture of disgrace.

She don't look in my eyes anymore.

She glimps at me, then looks at the floor.

A love I thought I had for a never-ending lifetime.

Died and showed no remorse of any kind.

I tried to replenish it, restore the luster.

She's here but not here, just a body under the cover.

At first, I thought depressed, a world of her own.

But, I tried to sex her, but she wanted to be left alone.

No interest in me anymore, or her surroundings.

Her conversation with me was faint yet astounding.

I was told a medication will help her in the end.

But I know all the medication in the world will not make a lost relationship mend.

I pray to my lord above to help me understand.

But as the days move on, I can see it's out of his hands.

I have never been so alone than I am with her here.

I feel the tension between us whenever we are near.

I have never been in this kind of situation before.

So I don't know how to help it restore.

Is it best to move on and never look back?

Or is it better to wait and give it another wack?

The time away from two lovers usually is mended with strength and eternity.

But the time between her and I caused severe damage and that's a reality.

It's said that "only time will mend a broken heart."

But how do I know when to give up or when to start?

How long do this hell supposed to take place?

How long will she lay with her back to my face?

I’m not sure you like me

and that’s ok

fine line between love & hate, see?

It’s rarely any other way.

You admire my spirit

how it sparks and shines

then secretly covet,

jealousy blinds.

Your eyes skim my body

i know what you need

chemistry is never our problem,

in truth it's your greed.

Driven by ego

you punish & shame

hurling insults like snowballs,

seeking others to blame.

There once was a time

i’d make efforts to conceal

my soul in its prime,

so you could feel.

Those days have passed

i’ve uncovered the truth

free at last,

toll paid with my youth.

I’m not sure you like me

and that’s ok

truth is,

I never needed you anyway.

I always felt I loved you more than you loved me

Left my free time open for you

Disappointed when you made other plans

I would start arguments for no reason

Then you decided you didn’t want to deal with me anymore

I just couldn’t trust you when you said you loved me

It’s my fault I don’t have you anymore

are you sure?

are you really

really

really

sure

it just happened

I̶ ̶c̶o̶u̶l̶d̶’̶v̶e̶ ̶b̶e̶e̶n̶ ̶b̶e̶t̶t̶e̶r̶

something that did just because

i̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶s̶u̶p̶p̶o̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶y̶

what’s the word... an accident?

o̶n̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶k̶n̶u̶c̶k̶l̶e̶s̶,̶ ̶s̶h̶a̶m̶e̶ ̶b̶l̶e̶e̶d̶s̶ ̶p̶a̶l̶e̶ ̶

it’s funny the things you forget

w̶h̶i̶t̶e̶s̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶e̶y̶e̶s̶,̶ ̶a̶ ̶b̶l̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶m̶o̶s̶a̶i̶c̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶a̶ ̶t̶r̶a̶g̶e̶d̶y̶ ̶

and the ones you want to but somehow uninvited

f̶o̶l̶d̶s̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶b̶r̶a̶i̶n̶ ̶s̶p̶a̶s̶m̶ ̶r̶e̶g̶r̶e̶t̶s̶ ̶I̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶’̶t̶

change can’t come sooner to them than the things

k̶e̶e̶p̶ ̶h̶o̶l̶d̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶o̶n̶t̶o̶,̶ ̶a̶ ̶t̶e̶s̶t̶a̶m̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶b̶l̶o̶o̶d̶

we want to hold onto, like what we had

d̶r̶i̶p̶p̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶f̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶r̶n̶e̶d̶ ̶p̶a̶l̶m̶s̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶l̶

or what we have now, and I’d rather

b̶l̶o̶o̶m̶ ̶r̶e̶d̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶d̶e̶a̶d̶ ̶r̶o̶s̶e̶

bury my head underneath throw pillows and a

I̶’̶m̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶f̶u̶c̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶c̶o̶l̶d̶,̶ ̶t̶e̶e̶t̶h̶ ̶g̶l̶a̶s̶s̶e̶d̶,̶ ̶d̶i̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶

teethed blanket to shadow my eyes, to play me a tune of

u̶n̶d̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶c̶o̶a̶l̶ ̶i̶n̶s̶i̶d̶e̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶r̶i̶b̶,̶ ̶m̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶w̶h̶o̶l̶e̶ ̶a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶ ̶

“time heals”, and lie to myself again and again

a̶n̶d̶ ̶a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶ ̶I̶’̶m̶ ̶s̶i̶n̶g̶e̶d̶,̶ ̶b̶r̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶s̶i̶n̶s̶ ̶o̶n̶t̶o̶ ̶m̶e̶

until the sun dies and the universe collapses

l̶e̶t̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶v̶e̶n̶’̶s̶ ̶b̶a̶r̶c̶o̶d̶e̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶d̶e̶r̶ ̶o̶r̶c̶h̶e̶s̶t̶r̶a̶t̶e̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶e̶t̶e̶r̶n̶a̶l̶ ̶d̶a̶n̶c̶e̶

reminding me that maybe time doesn’t heal

a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶,̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶l̶l̶‘̶s̶ ̶s̶p̶o̶t̶l̶i̶g̶h̶t̶s̶ ̶b̶l̶a̶r̶e̶,̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶g̶e̶ ̶s̶e̶t̶,̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶I̶’̶l̶l̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶

time makes it easier to forget

it's not your fault that i have abandonment issues

because my father left before i was born, to start a new

family that i would not be welcomed to be apart of.

so im sorry if i get sad when you leave or get

nervous when you dont talk to me for few days

because i'll start to think you dont want to stay, after all

what man would stay if my own father wouldnt?

please dont think it's your fault that i have trust

issues because the lover that came before you laid his

head on my chest and listened to me talk about how afraid

i was of being left broken hearted my a man once again, all

while he was deciding that i was pretty enough to fuck

but not good enough to mean it when he said he

loved me too.

i wouldnt want you to think it's your fault

that i cry when youre upset with me or silent

for too long because i start to over think and tell

myself that youre just going to fade away when things

get difficult because im too much to handle

too sarcastic, too much attitude, too sensitive