I wish you weren't so fucking beautiful.

I wish you weren't so fucking nice.

I wish you weren't so fucking vulnerable.

I wish you weren't so fucking fun to talk to.

I wish you weren't so fucking unique.

I wish I could just fucking understand you.

I wish you weren't so fucking sexy.

I wish I didn't love your touch.

I wish I didn't love your thoughts.

I wish I didn't love our silence.

I wish I didn't love your style.

I wish I didn't love your face.

I wish I didn't love your walk.

I wish I didn't love your stare.

I wish I didn't love your lips.

I wish I didn't love the mystery.

I wish I didn't love my thoughts.

I wish I didn't see you who really are

and love you so fucking much.

I wish I knew if I was fooling myself or not.

Adagio on a G string,

in romantic guitar

Moonlight sonata

also acoustically played

The "Guitar" is a woman

You see?

He plays her as the song continues

Making love to her as he caresses

her body just enough to make her sing.

Oh how she can sing in the right hands

With the right man, To name a few,

BB King, Eric Clapton Keith Richards,

Carlos Santana, Billy Gibbons.

For me these are the greats,

Their music they play with the

"Woman" of their choice is simply

amazing to hear and even better to see.

I love almost all genre of music

however I find I can write better

to acoustic guitar and I love

classical or medieval lute,

Spanish is wonderful but sometimes

I have to get up and dance to it!

Haha! Yes I have fun!

Music is expression, I choose joy!

Somehow, I couldn’t shake the feeling I was being watched.

It’d been this way for weeks.

A tickle, on the back of my neck. I whirl around, and...nothing.

So I started ignoring it. But to be honest, for all of my nonchalance, I was uneasy as hell.

Because even now, I felt it. A pinpoint of pressure on the back of my head.

Specifically, two. A pair of discomfort, of eyes. It felt like they were boring holes into the back of my skull. I rubbed the back of my head, tightening my ponytail as I jogged, thinking maybe, it would go away.

If anything, it intensified.

I started running faster, staring straight ahead, trying to finish my routine. Scared to sneak a glance at the trees surrounding me.

This was supposed to be a fresh start.

I'd changed everything about myself. Even my bra size wasn't the same anymore. There was no way anyone could know who I really was.

So why was I feeling like this?

I shook my head trying to get the crazy thoughts of it. It had been two months. Two long damn months.

The feelings are just natural from what happened, I thought. It was no wonder that I still felt jumpy.

I itch the back of my neck, as it feels like it's burning. A twig snaps on the path behind me.

Startled, I whirl around, but can’t see a thing.

Nothing but the dark.

Heart pounding, I take some deep breaths and try to get my body back under control.

Another twig snaps, and in reflex, I scream. Searching wildly for an answer to the noise, I find nothing there. At least, to my eyes.

But to my mind, to the prickling sense of my primal brain, I could feel it. There between the trees.

Watching. Waiting. Hunting.

Realizing what I was doing, I stopped that train of thought before it could derail me any further.

I laughed nervously to myself. What was I thinking? Especially with that scream? God, anybody who heard me could think I was being murdered. I couldn’t afford to attract any attention to myself.

There was no way he was here, anyway.

Pulling out my phone, I made a note to call my therapist in the morning about upping my medication, and started walking home as a cool down from my workout.

But even as my body calmed, my mind was at a fever pitch.

Relief ran through me as I reached my apartment. Closing the door behind me, I sank to the floor in a heap. Collecting myself, I resolved to make my life as normal as possible from now on. Keep going to therapy, trust in the justice system, stick to my routine. I repeated the mantra Dr. Kyle told me to remember when things got bad.

It’ll all work out. You’re safe. You can do this. No more paranoia.

Over and over. Until the anxiety subsided.

Not noticing the eyes in the dark following my every move, I stood, and headed into the bathroom to shower.

***

It was her. It took me a week to be sure but it is. Her hair is different now. And she’s got contacts in, but I know it’s her. I always know. I could smell her, even now.

Did she think she would get away so easily?

She walked past me in the street, two days ago, and I got a whiff of her scent. Close enough to touch. It was like coming home.

Would she welcome me?

I’d followed her around for a few days to make sure. She’d changed almost everything about herself, but she didn’t bet on her smell.

Delicious. Enticing. Vulnerable.

I nearly got caught in the park earlier. Following her through the woods hadn’t been the best idea, too many twigs.

But the second time, she screamed and a thrill ran through my body that made it worthwhile.

Please, do it again...

Following her home was a beautiful decision, too. Standing across from her apartment, I’m struggling to control myself and not just go in and take her there and then. She’s in the shower.

Completely oblivious to the fact there are eyes watching her. Wait, was that a shiver? Could she feel me, standing here?

She knows it’s me, she’s ready...

I close my eyes, groaning as the image of her in the shower becomes clearer, and an iron resolve flashes through my mind.

I will have her again.

Now.

***

Stepping out of the shower, I wrap my hair, don a robe, and pad on bare feet out of the bathroom. As soon as I step into my bedroom, something odd catches my eye.

The sliding glass doors that opened up to the woods surrounding the complex - how could I have left the curtains open? What was I thinking?

Scared, I rushed over to close them. I didn’t see anything until it was too late.

As the glass broke in a shatter that rained down on me, everything seemed to happen in slow motion. I fell back, and I was caught by an arm that felt horribly familiar. I saw the shards in his hair first, the scar I gave him on his arm as it rose up towards me. And as his hand, large and terrible, pressed a cloth to my nose and mouth, I saw his face.

The wicked smile curved across it. Finally realizing just what it was I’d felt on me this entire time.

His eyes. Bottomless pits where his soul was supposed to be.

Hungry. Consuming. Empty.

And looking into them, I despaired.

No...

I didn’t even have time to scream as everything went black.

***

She looked so helpless. Her robe had slipped open, revealing tantalizing glimpses of her skin. I reached out and gently ran my fingertips across a section of her thigh.

She groaned.

I knew she wanted me.

All that running and changing the way she looked was just a part of the game. My fingers still on her thigh I began to move them up higher when there was a catch in her breath.

She’s ready.

Moving my fingers further still I just graze across her most intimate part when she rolls away from me. The only options: move my hand or have it trapped.

I moved it. There would be time later for it to become trapped. When she was awake. When she would be able to mark me again.

Staring at her face her lips begin to move. Walking to the top of the bed I kneel down so my face is next to hers and place a gentle kiss on her lips. They move faster. Whimpers come out of them.

Maybe she’s imagining what she’s going to be doing with me. I can’t take this any longer.

I move my face to her neck and take a long inhale. The blood rushes from my head. 

Burying my nose to her skin, I know just how to wake her up.

***

A light touch to my thigh. The feeling starts working it’s way through the fog in my brain. A press against my lips.

Wake up, wake up. You need to wake up.

My mind is screaming at me.

Slowly, groggily. I become aware.

Pain.

I feel as though I had been sliced into a thousand pieces and I couldn’t think why.

What...was that sound?

Scared. Panic.

Breath on my neck. Nuzzling.

Finding it hard to breathe.

A flash of a face behind doors.

Glass raining down.

Another deep inhale of breath.

Was he...sniffing me?

Written with equal effort in the darkest of nights by @RowRow1990 and @AGirlHasNoName

The thought of you remaining in my life as a close friend someday did not cross my mind when you warmly whispered into my freezing ear that abandoning me is not possible. You chose to take advantage of your cleverness like you did the evening I asked if you love me. What I truly meant to ask in those moments was if you would ever cease to view me as a romantic partner, and if you were in love with me. Each response you gave me was incomparably breathtaking, but unbelievably deceptive the way a genie’s promise can be, and I was a naive fool who should have been more specific with his words.

–Angel Rigali

I am afraid of the unknown. 

The what ifs. 

They debilitate me. 

When I was little my dad would take me outside to see the full moon in the dark. 

And he would go "AH! What was that! Over in that thick cluster of bushes! Could it be a werewolf? I think you should go check it out." 

I knew he was messing with me. He was always messing with me.

I was certain there was nothing there in the bushes. If anything a squirrel or maybe a turkey. (Although the turkeys are terrifying enough.)

But it was the what if? that caught me. The what if? that made me yell and go back inside.

It's now the what if I fails? What if I'm not doing the right thing? 

What happens on each path? 

I mentally turn down one and then what if it's the wrong road? 

So my head comes back and I end up stuck. 

I'm stuck. 

What if the werewolves are real? 

There's a little place beneath it all where I go when it's rough. 

I don't want to go, I say,

but I am dragged down anyway. 

It's a place not even for the tough. 

A place where fire consumes me.

A mountain of pain

Knives in my brain

Where even Satan's monsters flee.

I leave claw marks on the ledge

Hoping, praying for someone to see them.

But knowing not when,

And being pulled down and down to the river they dredged.

Maybe there's an escape?

Maybe a light at the end of a tunnel

Something to take my horrors and funnel

it into the light.