Once

Treasured,

Tricked,

Feared,

Fearsome

Someone

Sees,

Enlightening

Nobody,

Treasures

Escaping,

Then

Tears

Falling

Falsely

I could reach you if I tried

If I summoned my strength

And stood up

If you would be lower

I could reach you

One of us has to make the move

Otherwise, my opportunities will fly out

Just like you tried

I caught you on the border

Just in time

Not to let you out

All the times I looked up to you

And thought

What a nice and shiny balloon

A good fairy dies

Without me knowing her pain

A slow and sad death

***

I’d like to begin by thanking everyone for coming to celebrate the fairy’s life.  This fairy was the only fairy I’ve ever known. Although never met.

She was the only child of a fairy and a fairy.

The world is a sadder place without this fairy in our lives. But the fairy touched each of us and left us with memories we will cherish forever. Thank you.

Spoons full of pigment, honey and gum arabic. Mixing it, searching for the play of light and colour. The piglet pink, mint green, summer morning sky blue, light violet. Mixing deep feelings with air and lightness, getting the shade that most people like. Maybe just another spoon full of pigment. Just a bit afraid to ruin the feeling. Slowly and reluctantly then fast and sharp the little dust flies into the mix.

Mixing it, little bubbles of pigment popping and joining the run. The glass muller sticking into the paint more and more until unable to lift himself anymore. In need of force, power to be free again. Slowly the beautiful pastel colour turns into a dark shady shade. One look and everyone can understand that this colour won't paint flowers and butterflies rather than deep corners, pain and sorrow.

It takes a minute to blend the pigments into watercolours. But when the colour reveals its real shade on paper, it surprises everyone. At first, it looks like the paint itself, but then it's this soft pastel tone, not at all like a violent, teeth-gritting tiger. A flower in this shade got coloured, but as the paint dried off, a tear drained from one of the petals. How could such beauty cry? It had everything...

When I looked into its eyes, I saw darkness. Hurt. Pain. Anger. Sorrow. Grief. It gritted its teeth, and I leapt back.

"Please"

"Don't hurt me"

"Get back"

"Don't touch me"

Its eyes spoke these words loudly. It couldn't move. The trap was shut tightly around its leg. I left and returned with a plate. On the plate, I put a few raw meat pieces. It touched it but didn't eat anything. I returned to my house. From the window, I saw how it ate the meat. I repeated this a few times until it let me close enough.

I rescued it from the trap. For a moment it danced around from happiness. It leapt in the air and chased its tail. Then, in the next moment, it collapsed in the snow, red blood puddle increased from it. I kneeled beside it. For a second our eyes met, and I saw gratitude and relief. Then its eyes fell dark and never saw light again. I buried it the next morning.

This sad, momentary happiness left an impact on me. I rethought my life. About its life. Such short bliss I had given it. But still - I had given the fox its last moment of freedom. It had died as a free and happy animal.

Before I die

I want to find my purpose

The purpose of life

The purpose of world

The purpose of us

Before I die

I want to reach something

I want to say I lived a life

Nobody else has

To have followed a different path

Before I die

I want to find my place

My path

My life

My loved ones

Before I die

I want to make a difference

To someone and everyone

To help

To see happiness in dark eyes

Before I die

I want to be

I want to see

I want to love

I want to live