Her lips missed his although she’d never tasted them before.

She felt the loss so deeply though he never once was hers.

She recollected memories that they did not create.

How curious it is to miss what never was.

I miss her.

She's so close

but so goddy far away.

I wanna hold out my hand

but for some reason,

I don't.

so maybe,

it is my fault that

this entire friendship

didn't work out.

melancholia:

the heaviness of my heart,

now apart from yours.

xx x xx x xx

I sit under an old tree, under the stars. My face looking up and out, into the sky, the galaxies... universes. Maybe another world, totally different from this one here. This one down here.

Maybe a world more forgiving,

friendlier,

lovelier,

than this one down here.

I sigh as her face comes to mind, her hazel eyes and brown hair.

I close my eyes, tightly, when I think about the hurt she was going through - emotionally.

No one accepted her, cared about her.

Except me.

But maybe one person isn't enough, or perhaps it was just too much for her. Too much hurt, too many scars reminding her of her pain and troubles. Too much negative attention given to her.

To her gentle heart, and fragile mind.

Bit by bit, all the bullying, labelling, it broke her mind and her heart. It broke her as a whole.

She had enough, and well, she ended it.

She let herself go from all the pain, to somewhere better, at least I hope somewhere better.

Somewhere where she is free, where she can fly, soar. Like a beautiful snowy owl.

''I miss you,'' I break the silence, all the thoughts, by whipsering the words out into the night, for all the stars to listen.

I miss her. So dearly.

She was always with me, always near. And now, when I want someone to talk to, I sometimes - accidentally, start talking, as if she's there. As if she's standing next to me, or behind me, as she used to.

It would be hard, when I'd realize she wasn't there.

But at the same time, she is. She always is.

She is near.

She is far,

she's with me,

but she's not.

20.6.2020

I know what love is.

I think.

No, I know my expectations for love.

I keep missing him yet I never knew him.

Maybe it’s the longing for that partner.

The one who I always see in the morning or at least want to see.

Or I could just be a hopeless romantic?

I miss her strength and determination.

I always admired her faith that she could one day change the nation.

I miss her ability to rise after she had taken a fall.

She always told me if I ever needed her all I had to do is call.

I miss her gentle smile that was contagious.

She could have you inspired with her positivity it was outrages.

Most importantly I miss the woman she use to be.

I miss her so dear, because that woman was me.

I missed you very much...

I miss you so much...

I will miss you so much...

Oh, where are you, my fortune?

My wealth and my money?

Ever since I lost her friendship, I've fealt awful.

When I see hoolihoops my stomache knots, and when I go into my garage I just want to leave as fast as I can. I haven't listenedd to music on my radio, since I listened to it once when she was over. Every time I think of Anne of Green Gables, I want to cry.

I've dreamed about her, too. I see her in my dreams, and she forgives me- it's wonderful, until I wake up and feel awful.

Every time I even think something arrogant or know-it-all-ish, I hurriedly drown myself in my books, only to remember her whenever I think about cellos or Hufflepuffs.

I remember all the lunches we've had togther and all the times we made each other laugh, all the times we would wait for each other to finish getting dressed after P.E. so that we could walk to class together, even when we risked being late.

I also remember when she stopped waiting for me, talked less, and started doing things with other girls. I remember the times she stareted ignoring me completely.

I did something a little rude, and I got what came around.

Who's fault it was, who did the worst, who deserves to be shut out completely, it doesn't matter. My eyes are still tearing as I write this, and I miss the girl who used to be my best friend.

Most of all, I'm sorry.

It is highly unlikely, because nobody likes me.

Comfort can’t find me, as I search for her love ever so blindly.

Oh Aphrodite, break free from such chains which were used to bind thee.

Mortal myths of our love, all I have to remind me.

Of unbreakable vows and sweet silver linings.

A sort of consort which had others whining.

My graceful wind chime that danced with mankind and did it so kindly.

Up you would wind me, till in rage I was crying.

High we were flying, now the grounds where I’m lying.

I’ll endlessly search, I’ll never stop trying!

For my heart without you, is much worse than dying.

When I am missing you the cord that is tied to my heart is being stretched so tightly that breathing becomes difficult. When the sparse moment arrives and I am able to catch my breath, I feel as though I have swallowed dry ice.

Leaving my heart so cold that it burns an imprint of your memory into its chamber walls. My chattering heart slowly beats and I can feel the once warm, free flowing blood begin to chill and thicken, barely able to keep me alive.

My throat starts to constrict, as I begin choking on all the stale words you've ever said to me. Gasping for air and longing for your words to glide down my throat making my heart beat as they did once before. I can no longer breath as I'm being slowly suffocated.

Tears stream down my face, as thoughts of you taunt my mind. I silently beg you with what little strength I have left, to make this all go away. Breath life into me once again.

If only you knew that your voice would be enough to save me.

Would I hear you call out my name?

12/2018