Didn’t Know
I didn't know,
the reality of things
until he didn't come back.
I
didn't
know that
time is so much
more precious, than
I'd expected
it to be.
I
didn't
know that
I & many others,
have taken life for granted,
as many do for many things,
so
I
apologize
for
not
knowing,
and
I
wish
that
I
had
known
then.
13.7.2020
Life (TW: mention of molestation and suicide)
When I was 1, I didn’t know who I was.
When I was 2, I didn’t know how to listen.
When I was 3, I didn’t know everyone else could hear, something I couldn’t do.
When I was 4, I didn’t know I’d try killing myself 10 years later.
When I was 5, I didn’t know that I’d be dating someone secretly at 15 because my parents had this stupid rule.
When I was 6, I didn’t know that I was years away from puberty.
When I was 7, I didn’t know what they’d expect from me.
When I was 8, I didn’t know what condemned means.
When I was 9, I didn’t know I was growing up too early.
When I was 10, I didn’t know that starving myself was a problem.
When I was 11, I didn’t know my father was going to take advantage of my innocence.
When I was 12, I didn’t know what molestation was.
When I was 13, I didn’t know how to say “no” because fear controlled me.
When I was 14, I didn’t know there was hope.
When I was 15, I didn’t know he’d be so calm and not blame me for saying yes.
When I was 16, I didn’t know that he’d still love me.
I didn’t know, but I wish I had....
Not Quite Right for Me
We were never meant to be
Only everyone used to say
But I always told the world around me that I didn’t feel that way.
I used to say that we were soul mates,
You made for me and I for you.
I used to give you gifts and cards
To remind us that we were kindred spirits.
But in the middle of it all
I never took the time to ask just what you felt.
So because I didn’t know
I have to ask it now; for,
Now it matters how you feel.
Are your feelings for me true?
I know you have a kinda love for me.
But is it deep and altruistic?
I feel that it could never move a mountain.
It could never stick like glue.
And sadly until now I didn’t know
You were never right for me.
Just to be sure
I didn’t know
how many stars were in the sky.
I asked someone.
They could’ve told me any number.
Any number passed ten billion,
and I’d have believed them.
Might have been in awe.
Might have looked up to the sky.
But never questioned.
But...
if someone told me a bench had wet paint,
I’d walk over,
and touch it.
Just
to
be
sure.
I didn’t know
how many fish there were in the sea.
I asked someone.
They could’ve told me any number.
Any number passed ten billion,
and I’d have believed them.
Might have been shocked.
Might have commented “wow”.
But never questioned.
But...
if someone told me my shirt was backward,
I’d flip up the front
and look for a tag.
Just
to
be
sure.
Written about a quote... “Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.” - Murphy’s Law
Uniforms
"Hey, how do Mormons feel about homosexuals?"
I stare at my lesbian friend in utter confusion. "Huh?"
Sheepish, she tries to clarify her random comment, "Well, I saw these two guys riding bikes together the other day and they were dressed really nicely - full on suits! - and they acted so polite I thought maybe they were a couple going to church together?"
The phrase "doubled over in laughter" plays out exactly as it sounds. "Oh, no no no. Those are missionaries, they work in pairs and they have to dress that way!"
"Oh. I didn't know." She blushes, feeling silly, but I can't stop laughing now.
....
To this day, any time I see a young pair of strapping young men in matching suits on bicycles I can't help but remember this conversation and smile.