The dancer kicked her leg high and swished her pink dress, cut low how McGurk liked it. He watched her and not the screaming woman who kicked her legs even higher, albeit with the benefit of a man carrying her aloft toward the door and the waiting Bowery cop.

“Where do they get it?” the barman asked him beneath the piano music. He poured three more fingers of whiskey for a swaying, unshaven man.

McGurk stroked his moustache and eyed the dancers, choosing. “Get what?”

“The carbolic acid.”

McGurk’s flat gaze remained on the edges of the dress, which had slipped a little, it seemed to him. “Don’t your missus clean house, Willie?”

“Not if she can help it.” A customer put three bits on the bar, so Willie extended the tube to him. The man took a deep breath, then began gulping as the crowd began hooting around him. “It could be a problem, Mr. McGurk,” Willie said.

The dancer on the left had stopped smiling, McGurk noted. He didn’t pay her to frown. She’d get a little pick-her-up before her time upstairs. “How’s that?”

“These women. That’s the third one tried to kill herself, now. In two weeks. The cops might ask questions about upstairs.”

“They all know upstairs. There ain’t a one of ’em but he dips his wick at McGurk’s after a patrol.”

The drinker coughed beer onto the floor. The surrounding patrons jeered, and McGurk smelled the camphor he cut the beer with. A drunkard reached for a dancer’s leg, then yelped as she brought down her heel on his hand.

“The customers, then,” Willy said. “Bit hard to have your fun while some woman’s burning her throat out next to you. And everybody’s heard about it.”

McGurk turned to his barkeep. “That’s right,” he said. “Everybody’s heard about it.”

John McGurk was a diligent man. He worked through the wee hours. Before the Bowery rose from its stupor sometime the next afternoon, he had affixed his new sign to the crumbling brick. New York City had 7,000 saloons, but everyone would hear about McGurk’s Suicide Hall.

don't.

there's a strange expression on your face. a shadow. a collection of thoughts, turned into paint.

don't.

i know what you're considering. something that was sleeping for a long time is now awake.

don't.

one decision, that's all it seems to be. it might not matter.

don't.

you've been waiting for too long. the silence is killing you. the missed calls, the empty house.

don't.

it'll be okay. take a deep breath. it'll all be over soon.

don't

become like me.

Dear ____,

Thank you for your email reply. Unfortunately, your prissy tone did not inspire me. When responding to an email going forward, please do not “cc” me when your passive aggressive tone was clearly for me alone. Even high schoolers know to face the person directly they’d like to diminish, and they don’t write emails, they write graffiti on the walls of the restroom. Perhaps this is something you can try, instead.

Next time, a more direct approach would be appreciated. Perhaps, even an in-person conversation? I realize, because of the recent pandemic, you might be out of practice. But you can’t hide behind email lingo in person. Instead, you have to directly pass on assignments to me that were explicitly assigned to you alone. And how awkward is that?

Thank you for your time and consideration on this important matter.

Most sincerely,

Disgruntled

Existence is not so simple,

as at first it does appear.

There are dangers.

There are strangers.

Open eyes,

and empty chairs.

Stay alert.

Keep aware.

Forward step.

Watch your tread.

Take care,

and be prepared.

Hazards beckon.

Peril calls.

Silent shadows,

Graceless winds,

enemies unconquerable,

friends ineffable.

Safety nowhere.

Nowhere safe.

Beware,

but do not load,

your heart,

with cares.

Do not fall prey,

to fear,

to hate.

Give all to love,

my dear,

and it will be,

okay.

Many women, about me, do concur:

Serious gastric disturbances will occur.

The ones who persevere destinal, say dross

From me gives intestinal chaos...

...stuck in their gut.

Proton pump inhibitors

Allow all my paramours,

Relaxation and peristalsis

Until they realize that's all there is...

...stuck in a rut.

Epiphany comes after the fact

Ipso facto in the GI tract

When bilious regret sees greener hills

Beyond premature fluorescing spills...

...obstruct it shut.

Rolaids, Tums best all latex

In pursuit of safe, eupeptic sex;

When placing protection 'round points of contact,

Adults take two, twice a day, exact...

...and nothing but.

Fetished, recreational substitutes

Not lost on vocational prostitutes

Who know how to buffer their gastric mucosa

From tantric acidophilic ambrosia...

...somewhat.

Sometimes I pine for the good ol' days

When the only act was the good ol' way.

The catalog of ways and clever creations

That that do not result in procreation

...so cover your butt.

U!

Mother has

.... put Up

With as much of Your

SHIT

As She can take!

You've treated Me

like your Doormat

Drinking me Dry.

Floundered the Natural

Resources I Lovingly

Shared.

Ate from my Knowledge trees

Fruit trees

And

My Money trees.

U !

U

Cigarette Smoking

Caddy exhaust driving

Rocket Fuel Child

Get Out!

Or Else

Mother will Spew

Like a Volcano

and ...

Ashes

To Ashes

Dust

U!

Alright, I should not be doing this, but if you found this book, you need to know this.

Do you believe in fate?

You should.

After reading this, you will.

If you think you found this by accident, you didn’t.

You received this because you’re on a list. Is that a good thing? Honestly, probably not.

Don’t worry, I’m on it too. Actually, I’m not supposed to tell you this, but I invented the list.

That doesn’t make sense, does it? It shouldn’t. Because this isn’t any list. This is the kinda list that’s older than your grandma. Older than her grandma. In technicality, this is the list that was created 3,000 years ago.

At this point, you probably have a lot of questions. Starting with, WHAT IS THIS??? And ending with, “WHAT IS THIS?”

Both are excellent questions. I’ll start from the beginning.

Not the chronological start, that would be a nightmare.

WARNING - Exploration of abandoned Asylums, Institutes for the Insane, or Mental Hospitals is extremely dangerous. The lingering affects of sickness, death, and evil may never disperse, and it is therefore recommended that no one, under any circumstances, enters one.

If, however, it is unavoidable (or you are extremely stupid), these tips may save your life:

- Always enter through the front doors. Even if another door is open... it shouldn't be. They are trying to trick you.

- You should never go in alone, but if you do, find a hospital gown as soon as possible and put it on. It is the only way to survive.

- If exploring with a group, always have an even number of people. They don't like things that are odd.

- Don't ever get separated from your friends.

- If you see someone else in the hallways, do not approach them. If they approach you, turn around and calmly walk away (but never run).

- Beware of the padded rooms, if you go in and the door closes behind you it will never reopen.

- Do not lay down in any of the beds. You will not be able to get up.

- If you have to sleep there, sleep underneath a bed facing the wall. No matter what sounds you may hear in the room, or in the halls, do not roll over or come out until the sun rises.

- If you lose one of your possessions, don't go looking for it. It belongs to them now.

- If you see an old record player do not touch it. If it starts playing music you must leave immediately.

- Even if you are injured you must not take any of the medicine.

- Do not use the wheelchairs. They belong to someone else, even if it seems as though they are unoccupied.

- If you hear a cry for help do not follow it. Even if it sounds like someone you know.

- If you hear laughter you must laugh too, but stop when they stop.

- And finally, never ever utter the words "doctor" or "nurse". It will only anger them.