"Aaaah!" screams a distressed citizen of Wienerville one warm Spring afternoon on the plaza. "Aaah! Someone save me! Ketchup Man put ketchup on my hot dog when I didn't want ketchup on my hot dog!"

"Have no fear!" The victim and all of the other citizens in the area turn there heads to the heroic voice that came out of the blue. "It is I, Mustard Man!"

Mustard Man steps out past a crowd of Wienerville denizens and stands defiantly against the evil that so often plagues Wienerville, the dastardly deeds of Ketchup Man! Mustard Man is seen sporting his custom mustard yellow spandex supersuit, his cape, the greenish yellow color of dried mustard, flapping alongside the American flag atop the roof of the hot dog vendor close-by.

Mustard Man turns to the poor young woman with the defiled hot dog. "Where did Ketchup Man go, miss?"

"He went thataway, Mister Mustard Man sir!" replies the damsel pointing past the statue of Wienerville's sports mascot William Wiener standing at the center of the plaza, whose right pointer finger points always up to the heavens.

"I will deal with him!" says the Mustard Man. "But first..." He smacks the blasphemous hot dog out of the woman's hand, reaches into his back pocket for some cash, and buys the woman a new hot dog in a bun from the vendor, handing it to her. Mustard Man then whips his hands out in front of him, aiming for the woman's hot dog in her hands, and booms, "Behold! I can squirt ungodly amounts of mustard out of my hands!" And ungodly amounts of mustard squirts out of his hands, engulfing the hot dog and the woman with the delectable condiment.

"Gee, thanks Mustard Man!" chirps the woman, and Mustard Man gives her his traditional quick salute and bow before running toward the direction Ketchup Man fled from his crime.

After a minute of searching, Mustard Man finds Ketchup Man harassing a boy and his hot dog in a back alley.

"Stop right there, Catsup Man!" says Mustard Man, his clenched fists at his hips.

"Curses!" Ketchup Man shrieks. "You know full well my name is Ketchup Man, Mustard Man!" Ketchup Man shoots ketchup at Mustard Man, pushing the boy and his hot dog out of the way, but Mustard Man dodges, rolling to the side and countering Ketchup Man's attack with his own volley of mustard. Ketchup Man ducks under the torrent of yellow and performs a kneeling tornado spin, squirting ketchup in a wide vortex, but Mustard Man jumps over the radial wave of red, somersaulting and then unleashing a double-handed powerbeam of mustard with a righteous roar.

The alley in which Mustard Man and Ketchup Man were having their duel soon becomes utterly caked with mustard and ketchup. The sound of their mortal conflict thundering throughout Wienerville, a girl of six years of age in a distant house off in the suburbs of the city asks her mother what that frightening noise is, hugging her mother's leg for comfort.

"Why," says the mother as she washes the dishes in the kitchen, "that is the sound of two gods of opposing ideals battling it out in our fragile mortal realm. It is Mustard Man and Ma- Ketchup Man."

"Why must they always fight?" asks the girl, nuzzling the mother's leg.

"They must fight because it is the only way the conflict between the forces of good and evil can come to a resolution. Good and evil cannot coexist without friction, and so Mustard Man and Ketchup Man must battle until only one remains standing... or until both succumb to mutual destruction."

"Can't they both just get along? Ketchup Man isn't all evil, is he?"

"No, I don't think Ketchup Man is all evil, but because he represents the force of evil and therefore the force that is in the way of good spreading throughout the whole world, Ketchup Man may have to die to make way for good, if Mustard Man wins the fight. It doesn't matter if he has some good in him. He chose his path of ketchupy evil. But if there is a way for Mustard Man and Ketchup Man to make peace, it will be up to Mustard Man to somehow appeal to that small piece of good within Ketchup Man, and maybe, just maybe, we'll see a future where mustard and ketchup can coexist on a hot dog."

"I hope Mustard Man can make Ketchup Man good again," says the girl, nuzzling her mother's leg again.

"I hope so too, Katy... I hope so too..." sighs the mother, looking off into the distance through the window, tears welling up in her eyes.

Mustard Man and Ketchup Man are standing opposite each other, gasping in exhaustion, mustard and ketchup filling the alley up to the middle of their shins.

"This can only... end one way,... Ketchup Man!" says Mustard Man between gasps. They had been fighting for approximately ten minutes, and having only ceased fire just a moment ago, the two adversaries just notice a splashing noise in the corner of the alley that has been going on for a while. They both look over to find the boy Ketchup Man had been harassing earlier thrashing frantically in the lake of yellow and red. He is drowning!

Without hesitation, Mustard Man swan dives into the ten-inch-deep pool of mustard and ketchup. He grabs the boy and swims to the surface just before he runs out of air, heaving the boy onto the dry top of a dumpster.

"Wait, where is your hot dog?" asks the drenched Mustard Man with deep concern. The boy holds up the hot dog triumphantly. "Oh, thank God."

As he carries the boy out of the alley, Mustard Man looks back at Ketchup Man, wondering why he hasn't been trying to attack him while he has been saving the child and his hot dog.

Once the boy ran off out of sight, the hero quickly spins around and squirts a surprise ball of mustard from his palm. Caught off guard, Ketchup Man gets hit in the crotch by the attack, collapsing into the lake of condiments with a groan. It is a fatal blow.

Mustard Man hurries over to Ketchup Man's side. "Gah!" cries Ketchup Man in pain, coughing up red. "Agh, it's all... tingly."

"I know, buddy," murmurs Mustard Man. "Just take it easy." He holds Ketchup Man in his arms. They're both deep in mustard and ketchup.

Police sirens are heard approaching the scene.

"Why?" pleaded Mustard Man. "Why ketchup?"

Dusk has crept over Wienerville, filling the alley in growing darkness. The police approach. Streetlights throughout the city blink on. An evening wind howls.

"I just..." breathes Ketchup Man, "really like... ketchup..." His head slumps, but his eyes stay open. Mustard Man closes the eyelids.

"Me too, Matthew. Me too."

I don't know why I did it. I spent my whole life trying to blend in, why would I suddenly thrust myself into the spotlight. Well it's to late now I saved the world, dammit. I should have just waited a few more minutes. It's not like any of the others would have let the meteor hit. It's just that the damn thing was heading straight towards me, I just reacted. Of course someone just had to get a picture... it's not my fault I looked like that. What was I supposed to do fly up there with my identity hanging out for the world to see. I just grabbed the first thing I saw, covered my face and flew to the rescue. It's so unfair, just because I was folding laundry when I saw it I will spend the rest of my life as Underwear Girl. 

You know, it really sucks to work for the government. The low salary, long hours, and less time off are bad enough. Some branches are worse then others, though. I didn't listen when people tried to tell me that. Fresh out of high school, I fell for the bit about them only taking the best of the best and saving the country. So I up and joined SHEAR (Super Hero Engagement, Assessment, and Research), the government agency that has to deal with supers.

If you didn't know already, we get a whopping zero respect out there. Turns out that when you constantly have civilians in technicolor pajamas doing your job for you everyone starts to think you're useless. It certainly doesn't help when the "high-tech" gear we have was obsolete decades ago. Just about any twat with superpowers will barely be affected by the stun guns, and don't get me started on the joke that's supposed to be our armor.

Now don't get me wrong, I of all people know that we do a lot of good out there. It's just that most of what we do doesn't make headlines. Helping supers control their powers, researching super-resistant infrastructure, setting up cover identities... but you don't care about any of that, do you? Nope, everyone always just wants to ask me about the Tanger Incident.

Well, among the other things SHEAR is incompletely equipped for, we're in charge of first response to unknown phenomena. Interdimensional portal in Brooklyn? We're it. Alien spaceship shows up? Guess who has to make first contact. This time it was a huge surge of Arctulian energy at a shopping outlet. I was already on assignment in state, so of course I got switched to the response team.

They had already evacuated everyone by the time we got there. Security detail always sweeps the area first, then if it's clear we'll let the scientists in. We have to wear awful environmental hazard suits with radiation detection patches. At least, normally we would but Arctulian energy gives a false positive for radiation, so it was just the hazard suits. You can't even use a stun gun properly in those things.

So we check out every nook and cranny in these abandoned shops and restaurants, but we don't find anything. No people, no swirly energy things, no orbs, not a thing out of place. Frankly, that freaked me out. There's always a reason for these things, and if you don't see one at first, then it's probably dangerous. However, official protocol says a clear security sweep means we let the researchers in to poke around until they unleash it. And of course I got assigned to babysitting the researchers instead of, say, guarding the perimeter.

Well, nothing happened for a while. The researchers set up all their instruments and talked to each other about technobabble. I was never good at science, so I didn't know what they were seeing. I figured as long as they weren't running I was probably fine. This went on for a good three, maybe four days before trouble finally hit.

It's never a good sign when one of the researcher's gizmos explodes. Then, of course, my radio crackled to life with assorted shouting. As always, one of the other blokes in security managed to screech out that they were under attack, but the radios died before they could say by what. Honestly, no one ever follows protocol and says what's attacking FIRST. It would make life so much easier for the rest of the security detail but NOOO...

Anyway. I had to wait while the scientists packed up their gear so we could get out. At first they wanted to stay and get more data because apparently something or other was spiking and off the charts, but I insisted. Once they had finally finished, we rushed toward the perimeter. 

They both got out just fine. I smacked headfirst into an energy barrier that popped up at the front of the parking lot. They turned around, shouted, banged on the field a bit. I yelled at them to get to safety. Everyone knows that the security detail is screwed if the researchers can't get the data out. Plus I would have had to turn around and help fend off the attack anyway.

And the attack... You know, it really was scary. I know it doesn't sound like it would be, but really what we saw was something so fast we could barely see it making everyone disappear. Plus we still had to figure out a way to fight back and find the missing agents. So it still would have been scary even if we had known at the time that we were facing a bunch of pixies.

...I really wish people would at least pretend to take that seriously. Sure, pixies are tiny and have those little flashy wings, but when they're on the warpath they...

You know what? I'm just going to wait until you stop laughing.

So yes, we did all get taken. We got lucky and stunned a couple of them, but like I said, the pixies... I'm just going to call them enemy fliers so you don't snicker. The ENEMY FLIERS were fast, and our stun guns are slow. We didn't really have anything else to fight back with at the time, so we were sitting ducks out there.

Turns out when a p-- when an enemy flier takes you, they put you in some sort of alternate reality bubble. So we fell on our butts into the middle of a field of wild flowers. The enemy fliers came back once they had rounded up all of us. I'm still not entirely sure what they wanted, but they played music and made everyone wear floral necklaces and -- Look, do you want to hear the story or not? Do I have to duct tape your mouth shut?

Anyway, the enemy fliers left after a few minutes. I think they got bored. I tried to compare notes about how to try to escape, but half the other agents fell asleep, and most of the rest were babbling about pretty lights. That's when I remembered I had been just about the only person still wearing an air filtration mask while on guard duty. Paranoia pays off. Stupid pixie dust CAN YOU PLEASE KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE FOR FIVE SECONDS

Well, the next time the enemy fliers came back they dumped a bunch of junk from the outlets into the field. Shoes, plates, candy; I have no idea why they took what they did but they shooed everyone toward it like it was some enormous treasure. The enemy fliers were pretty distracted by it. I decided that was as good an opportunity as any. I waited until they were all watching one of them trying to turn a dish cloth into a cape. I held my breath, moved in, and grabbed one of the enemy fliers. I shouted, "Let us go back or this one gets it!"

Well, that was maybe not the smartest thing I could have done. I think I turned into a bear, then a statue, then a mailbox, and then a sloth in the space of about a second. I still managed to hang onto the enemy flier somehow. That's when the flowers near me started biting me. Let me tell you, nothing hurts quite like a dandelion, they can get really sharp teeth. When that didn't work, they tried to zap me with MY stunner that they had stolen when I wasn't looking. I dodged. I told you those things are slow.

They finally screeched and the security detail found itself back on the concrete floor. The enemy fliers hovered around me menacingly. I hesitantly let the one in my hand go. It whirled into the air, and all the p-- all the enemy fliers chattered. They started to fly away, and our radios crackled to life in unison. "Barrier down, barrier down, move in for extraction! Alpha team..."

My radio suddenly snapped off, and the enemy flier I had grabbed was staring me in the face. I gulped, then there was a flash of light. It flew off cackling, leaving me to wonder what exactly it had hoped to accomplish.

The extraction team showed up shortly afterward. I helped them bring out the incapacitated members to the med station. We passed some researchers on the way, and from what I could understand the Arctulian energy had dissipated. 

Once I was done carrying the first stretcher to the station, I turned to go help with the rest. The other agents stopped me. "You need to get checked out, obvious energy exposure, make sure that's not permanent..." That's what got my attention. I started pestering them about what, exactly, "that" was.

They finally handed me a mirror. Turns out that stupid enemy flier had turned my hair purple. And yes, it does seem to be permanent. I can't even dye it back to how it used to be. Seems like overkill to me. I mean, changing someone's hair for fighting back after you kidnapped them? On the plus side, I couldn't do covert operations anymore, so I guess that was good. Those are always really dangerous. I also could have sworn this one magic blast heading straight for my head swerved away at the last second, but who knows.

Of course, the really annoying part is when that reporter got in and took pictures. I hate being the face of the Tanger Incident. Everyone I meet always says something like, "Hey, you're that agent whose hair got turned purple by a bunch of pixies! How lame is that?"

Will you please stop... you know what? Forget it. We're done with this interview.

It was just a normal day at the office for Emilia Velasquez. Armed with her headset, telephone, and computer, she trudged through phone calls, redirecting callers to the elevator music of silence until she remembered to answer their questions. Her eyes drooped as the day continued. When she was young, she didn't think she'd end up like this. Of course when she was young, she had more time to do her true calling. Underneath the layer of make up, mom clothes, and saggy skin, she was once Celeritas, a super fast woman. Of course, she wasn't born that way. Her water supply had been contaminated with a poisonous chemical called Radioactive D, which enabled her to have such powers. Most other people had powers too, but a lawsuit had forced them not to use or talk about them. Fortunately for Emilia, she had two god-fearing parents who thought daily doses of religion could fix her. So, she got to keep her powers along with memorize every passage of the Torah.

She beeped in another call about a computer screen filled with static, when her cell phone rang. She promptly put the caller back on hold (much to their dismay) and answered. The voice of her son, Fabio, came through in loud sobs. "Mommy, I left my lunch on the table and the lunch ladies said I had too much debt to keep getting lunch and not paying for it."

"I thought you only borrowed one time. Plus, I gave you the money to pay them back."

"Yeah, well, sometimes I don't like my lunch so I get the school one instead."

"You mean I cussed out your principal over nothing? Dam- Fabio, if you don't like your lunch, either get a job to pay for the school one or pack it yourself."

"But Mommy..."

"I don't want to hear it. I'll be by at lunch time."

"Can I have MacDonalds?"

"Did you honestly just- Goodbye, Fernando."

"I'm Fabio."

"Whatever."

As soon as she hung up, her nosy coworker, Betty, had rolled her chair to Emilia's desk. "Aww, Fabio forgot his lunch?"

"What?"

"You know, my little Jenny does it all the time. I just got sick of it and gave her lunch money for a month. It worked so well that I've been doing it ever since. Maybe you should just pay for his lunch like I did."

"Isn't Jenny like twenty-five?"

"yeah but-"

"I thought she had kids of her own."

"She has three but that's not the-"

"This is customer service, please hold." Emilia pressed the button on her telephone. "Well, look Betty, I have to go get my kid some food and try not to strangle him. I'll be back in five."

"Oh, so should I-"

Emilia didn't hear the end of the sentence. The raced out of the office and down the stairs, since Betty's equally nosy friend, Frank, was at the elevator. Emilia raced down the twenty flight of stairs only to hear, "Hey Emilia, Betty texted me and said Fabio forgot his lunch again. Do you help with anything?"

"Yeah, Frank. Actually, I'm running low on cash and-"

"Say no more. Betty told me about you going to marriage counseling. That must take a lot out of your wallet. Here, have my lunch. It's vegan. It'll be good for him."

Emilia took the lunch and looked at Frank. "Is there a reason you just carry this around with you?"

"I don't want anyone to steal it."

"It's vegan, Frank. No one is stealing it. but thanks. Fabio will love it."

Emilia raced out of the building and towards her car when she heard, "Help! Help! He's assaulting me!"

Of course he is, Emilia thought. She ran towards the alley where two hobos were fighting. One had pinned the other and was rubbing his mold covered sock in the other's face while he other yelled in agony. Emilia pondered for a second then moved on. Down the street, she heard her phone ring again.

"What!" she screamed at the caller.

"Mommy? I'm sick. Can I come home?" her middle child, Luciana, whined on the other end.

"Yeah. I was just on my way to bring Fabio his lunch. I guess I'll stop by and get you too."

"Thanks, Mommy."

She hung up. Just as she did, a woman ran down the street clutching a purse. Another woman chased after her screaming, "Help! She has my purse!"

"Can we get through one day without me saving the fricking planet!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

She tore of her blouse and raced after the crook. She tackled her with lightning speed and tore the purse away from her.

"Thank you so much," the woman said. She sifted through the purse, grabbed the wallet out, cackled evilly, and raced off. "By the way, you aren't wearing an undershirt."

Emilia looked down at her chest and was mortified to her the saggy worn out bra was on display to the world. she pulled her shirt back together and helped the woman up. "I am so sorry about that."

"It's okay. That was my ex-husband's wallet. All she got away with was a bunch of unused condoms and some maxed out credit cards. but that's anyway uh, boob lady."

"It's Celeritas," Emilia groaned. She raced back to her car where she had a dirty EcoGreen T-shirt that her dog had used as a chew toy. She put it on and sped out of the parking lot and into a long line of traffic. With a sigh, she aid her head on the steering wheel, which caused a chain reaction of horn blowing.

By the time she got to the high school, it was 11:50. Lunch was in full swing. She dropped her son's lunch off at the principal's office and got her daughter who was sleeping in the nurse's room. Just as she was leaving, she got another phone call.

"Hey Mom. It's Fernando. Something's beeping and I don't know what it is."

"What? Aren't you in school?"

"No. We had an off day. I told you this on Saturday."

"You said you had an off day on Monday."

"Yeah, I know. It is Monday."

"No, it's Tuesday. You mean you didn't go to school today?"

"Yeah, but it's okay. It's March. Teachers don't expect us to care anymore."

"The state test is coming up in a week and you have to be there to study."

"It'll be fine, Mom. When are you coming home? I'm making cookies."

"Why are you making cookies?"

"I just wanted some. How long was I supposed to cook them again?"

"Fifteen minutes."

"I thought that was a four..."

"You left the cookies in for forty-five minutes? Look, just take them out. Your sister is sick so I'll be home in a few minutes."

"But they're going to smell burnt!"

"What did I say?"

"Ugh. Fine."

"I'll see you in a bit. Love you."

Emilia hung up and started the car. Halfway home, she got another call. "Hey, it's Jake. You know, the guy who sits two cubicles from you? Betty said I should call you and let you know we have a meeting in ten minutes."

"Of course we do," Emilia said with an eye roll. 

Titan was on a roof top of a warehouse within Hell's Kitchen, and it was clear he was not happy.  He was waiting for his new partner, Vixen.  A new recruit he was tasked with 

in going over patrol and the process with which they would report back to the Vindicator's HQ on Governor's Island.  

Titan was pacing, his true identity kept him in the boxing ring and he was always punctual.  He hated waiting and took it as insult to be kept waiting.  He was 30 going on 65 and that's just the way he was.  He had picked up the old habits of the men he trained with and it showed.  So for being 30, he was a grumpy old guy.  But he was built size changer.  He could grow and change density at will.  He was the tank of the bunch and he tool his role with the group very seriously.

Titan was in his vindicator's uniform, blue one piece that came up over his head with built in comms and a very large "T" on his chest with a smaller "V" on his left pectoral.

The suit was temperature control and he needed it right now as he was pacing.  Waiting...waiting on this new recruit...waiting on Vixen.

********************************************************************

The blonde girl was getting out of her night class at Gotham university and she had her uniform in her back pack but she wore her black leather thigh high boots.  There was a guy in there she wanted to get his attention but she found herself thinking of Titan.  For a guy close to her age, he was an old fart.  She needed to see if he was alive and the only she new how to do that was to see if she got a reaction out of him.

After her class she headed for the parking lot and she hid within the shadows to change into her new uniform.  Once she had it on she went to her bike and kicked it alive.  God how she loved the sound of her bike.  Feel the raw power between her legs and other places.  She looked at herself in the mirror and she thought - "Yeah, not bad, got some things to change but over it looks good."  She kicked the kick stand up and took off.

She made it to Hell's Kitchen in 25 minutes as she took a longer route to feel the air in her hair.  And she knew it would piss off Titan.  She smiled at that as the thought crossed her mind.  She didn't like the way he dismissed her on the last mission and she showed him a thing or two when the team went to the work out room at the HQ.

The work out room had your usual devices to work your body out but this was also fitted to workout there powers.  And for Vixen, she was incredibly strong and had inherited the shield from her uncle.  She had it repainted so no one would comment on the colors or the Star on it.

She pulled her bike into an ally and cut the engine.  She was in her purple one piece that looked more like a corset but she was pissed that she had to be completely covered.  But that was a requirement for getting involved.  She had to abide by the uniform.  She talked her way into letting the boots come into play once she showed Mercury, the groups speedster and de facto leader that they were like armor.

She hit the ladder of the fire escape and leaped up from floor to floor till she swung up on to the roof.  Very quietly and stealthy, she made her way to the meeting location - she saw Titan.  Pacing and pissed off that he was waiting for her.  She smiled, she didn't know why she liked getting him this way...she just did.  

*********************************************************************

Titan walked back and forth...he stopped looked over the edge of the building and held his head and screamed!  "Agggghhh - why am I waiting on her, its been 45 minutes already"

Vixen snuck up behind him and started miming him as he was holding his head.  Titan pounded his fist into his hand and Vixen did the same thing behind him.  She let it really hit her hand and the sound startled Titan who was so close to the edge, he stumbled off and caught himself with his hands.  Vixen hurried over the edge and held out her hand.

Titan looked at it and his eyes went wide then his face went into a scowl.  Clearly taking it as an insult.  

"I can manage thank you", he said pushing her hand away.

"I can clearly see.  You startle like and old lady.  So tell me, do you eat dinner at 4:30pm at the Sizzler, too?"  She said as he hoisted himself up and over.  

He was a foot taller than her and when he approached her. He was letting his anger get to him and he let himself get bigger than he actually was.  Vixen liked it, she liked that she got this reaction out of him.  She said, "you know what I like about you Titan?  You are so wide, you got these broad shoulders... that I can just get my hands on and...squeeze"

And she reached her arms on and patted his shoulders. "Man she has a grip!"  He thought.  But looked at her, like really looked at her and her long blonde hair flowed in the wind and the purple of he outfit helped bring out the blue eyes that sparkled when he looked at her.  

"Uh...uh...Can we please get to work.  I would also appreciate if you were punctual.  We are a team, T-E-A-M and if you don't come at a certain time that we arrange, how do I know if you aren't in trouble or if you need help..."  He looked concern and she just liked the look on his face.  He saw the twinkle in her eye and he turned away.  He thought this might be it but he couldn't let his feelings get in the way of training her.

"Look can we be serious here?"  And she mimed him again.

"Look I was assigned to train you, me I pulled the short end of the stick here. And I need to make sure you understand that this isn't training you on your powers, this is training on how to be part of a team"

She stopped the miming that she knew got to him and she just said, "blah blah blah blah"

"You, Mercury and that Chrome guy are all alike"  She sat on the ledge and of the building and said, "OK, OK...what do we have to go over tonight"

Titan came over and held out his hand and she took it and helped her up.  And through his uniform, he could feel the flesh of her hand.  She was built and she was beautiful and he didn't want it affecting him.  Vixen felt the way he was holding her hand and then squeezed it.  

He felt pain as she was much stronger than him.  "Bit tight" he said through gritted teeth.

She eased up and smiled.  "So come on, show me how to be a team member..." 

He smiled, "OK meet me at the other end of Hell's Kitchen and Mercury is timing us.  We have to get there seperatelty but arrive in time to attack a robbery that was supposed to take place - 45 minutes ago.  Its a set up so he has been holding them off for us."

She smiled and said, "OK see you there" and she went skipping over the roof and over the edge.  He just stood there, watching her hair bounce as she skipped and watched her dive off the roof with ease.  He took in a breath of air and could smell her.  

Mercury's voice came over the comm link, "Uh Titan do you want to get moving or you going to keep watching after Vixen"

Titan smacked his head, "Im on my way and I was not watching after Vixen!"

Vixen's voice came over the comm link - "Aww, someone likes me"

Titan grimaced once more thinking this one was going to be trouble.  And then headed his own way, wondering how he drew the short end of the stick with this one.