Dear Amber-Rose,

You should really leave prose,

I hate your writing it's such a bore,

You just shouldn't write anymore,

I begging you please just go,

Your words are terrible and have no flow,

So please Amber do us a favor,

Leave now and ask questions later.

She walks around

with the universe on her tongue

for safe keeping

So long as she doesn't swallow it,

it won't swallow her

Yeah, I guess I was pretty young and stupid when I fell for him, so I won't say what age I was. It was a while ago, and since I have fragmented memories of it, some blurs in and out. Sometimes I want to grasp hold of it, but sometimes I want to forget forever. 

I first really noticed him that day in January when he walked into school bald. Completely hairless. He was that kid with cancer. And he had a smile on his face. He'd been out of school for a while, and was starting to recover from his bout of cancer even though he still had a limp. 

He was assigned to sit next to me in social studies, and we very quickly started talking, even though we never were friends outside of that class. We'd draw things and rip on eachother and other students and teachers and never dream of paying attention in class. So, soon after, I started thinking of him outside of class. He was a constant obsession of mine: his dark hair that was growing back, his piercing gaze, his pale skin, his hospital bracelets, his happy attitude despite his condition. 

I let the crush grow and grow until I found myself staring at him shamelessly. I think it bothered him. It probably did. I was so, so, so, stupid. I even sent him a note saying I liked him. He ignored it, said nothing about it. Thank God. 

I still thought of him throughout the summer, and my love only grew stronger. 

But the next school year he stopped talking to me. He was only in history(social studies) with me and no other classes. And still, my stupid love grew, I couldn't stop it, it was unending. 

Unending. 

Unending. 

The last time I saw him was before winter break that year. Same happy face, same limp, not the least bit frail. I remember how our eyes met, and how I felt something pierce my heart. How I knew I could never be with him. 

Then, one Monday in March- (the fateful day, the worst day of my life) my friend said she had news for me, and it was horrible, and it was a rumor going around that was probably true, and people were crying and I didn't know why, until I knew and everything froze up and I couldn't feel anything.

The next day our whole grade went out in the courtyard, drew memories of him in chalk, and I was frozen solid. One of my friends called me heartless for not crying. 

But I just felt too much that it all turned off. 

For months. 

So, I write because I loved him. Because death is a bitch. And to remind people that love isn't always mutual, and it's still as strong-

-and as painful.

I wonder if there's a heaven. I wonder if I'm going there. I wonder if he'll greet me when I get there, or just walk away.

if we were only friends,

i wouldn't want to kiss you like this.

you walk by, and i am caught up

in your cold hands, blue hair,

how you smoke half a cigarette

and say you've won back

another three and a half minutes.

you put your arms

around your own waist,

and my head warns my heart

not to beat so faintly when i look

at your soft chin, grey eyes.

so enter love, enter fear,

the first words to a false romance,

because we're only friends.

and i know you smiled at me first,

but your eyes were so clear,

i couldn't make out what you meant.

it was just coffee on a rooftop,

a breath of city air, before

you took a taxi to the airport.

these are things i won't forget,

just like you'll always say

that we're only friends.

i think i'll stay alone, then;

but loneliness is just a way of life.

and in the springtime,

i will still spring reckless

back into wanting you.

He's different.

Much different than any guy I've encountered.

He's quiet.

Very quiet than any guy I've met.

He's mysterious.

Mysterious than any person I've seen.

He's unique.

So unique that he almost reminds me of the characters from my books.

And he's beautiful.

So much beautiful than a glowing angel,

even if it seems he's covered in darkness.

Like many of us he's had a troubled past.

He's been abused,

hurt,

neglected,

judged,

bullied,

and alone his whole life.

After years of being tortured and alone,

he refuses to talk to anyone.

Anyone except me.

He trusts me because I'm the first to actually listen,

instead of judge.

He's around me because I'm the first to actually accept him,

instead of denigh him.

He runs to me because I'm the first to actually save him,

instead of leave him to suffer alone.

and he cares for me because I cared first,

rather than be among the many to abandon him.

I love him.

I love him because he's the only person who accepts me,

the only person who knows what's it's like to be different,

the only person who's always there to comfort me,

the only person who's not among the many to hurt and betray me,

the only person who lights my darkest hour,

even if he's covered in darkness himself,

and the only person who loves me for who I am and will never ever break my heart.

Nobody can have him.

Nobody can see him.

Nobody can hear him.

And nobody can touch him.

Nobody except me.

Message:

That's the type of guy I've always wanted. Not exactly dark and bad boy, but someone who would accept me for who I am. Lines 45-59 is what I want my true love to be. Someone who's not perfect, but is willing to fix his mistakes to be with me. To be with me because he wants to and truly loves me.

I thought I could share since this is a first. I never really shared something personal like this before.

We used to be lovers, you and I.

We used to laugh, and never cry.

We used to invigorate, but lately, we don't even try.

We used to count the stars, sparkling, twinkling in the sky.

We used to get along, like cream and fruit mince pie.

Then one day she came. Life was not the same.

She set my heart aflame. Her face in every frame.

She was hard to tame. I never thought I’d claim.

I let her come between us, but it was you who took the blame.

We drifted, apart, sometimes floating without aim.

I'm so sorry, can we start again?

We both love our daughter, she’s actually a gift.

We need to adjust our attitudes, despite the shift.

We are in this together, so our game needs to lift.

We should try, to seriously mend the rift.

I love you, my dearest stranger.

Parenthood, is such a game changer.

If we do nothing now, we risk more danger.

Don’t you agree, we can’t put off til’ later?

I love you, my dearest stranger.

I don’t want us unhappy, any longer.

But if we do nothing, my beloved stranger.

You and I will be lost, forever.

Swimming in my dreams of you

Never let me wake

I need your touch

No one needs to know

Let's get away to a secret place

As you brush your fingers across my waist

Chills of delight rush up my spine

You make me melt with words

All deliciously Devine

Let me devour your strong being

Secrets stay silently behind as we cross the line

I can give you more than you have

Dive into me my love

let me show you

We are meant to be

Come pour your passion

All over me

In these dark streets we meet

Let me give you what you desperately seek

where 

is that sweet 

  child

    now

ever since 

you cracked 

the innocence

with callused hands

sucked her in

between

tabacco soiled

teeth

and spit her 

out?

she 

comes by

sometimes.