"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!" My voice screams an octave higher than usual. I stare down at the unusual bulge at my chest.

"WHAT THE HELL??" My mom comes rushing in at my agonized yells. When she sees me, she busts out laughing.

"Ah, Spencer," she says. "That reaction was priceless."

"MOM!! WHAT IS GOING ON!?"

"Well," she says, a half smile playing upon her lips. "Me and Dad couldn't decide on what gender you should be, so... we decided that we were going to evenly split your life in half. The first half, you would be male. The second, female. And... today is that day, I guess."

"MOM WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?! I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!! WHAT DO I TELL HER?"

"Hm... I didn't really think of that- WAIT WHAT?! SPENCER!!"

"Mom..."

"I TOLD YOU NO DATING UNTIL YOU ARE SIXTEEN!! GOD, HOW HARD IS THAT TO LISTEN TO?!"

"Mom..."

"I TOLD YOU THAT FOR THIS REASON! SO YOUR DATE WOULDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS!!"

"MOM!"

"THIS IS ON YOU, SPENCER KING!!"

"MOM!! LISTEN!!"

"NO, YOU LISTEN!!"

"MOM! I'VE SPENT HALF MY LIFE AS A GUY!"

"YES! THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY! AND YOU WON'T LISTEN!"

"MO-"

"YOU'RE TOO FOCUSED ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND THAT YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN HAVE!"

"MOM!"

"SPENCER YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME!!!!!" She storms out of the room.

Oh no. This is bad. I'm stuck in here with boobs. I have boobs.

Oh God, this is so bad. I am not even worried about Lia anymore. I'm worried about something else. Something I need to tell Mom.

"MOM!! PLEASE HEAR ME OUT FOR TWO FREAKING SECONDS!!"

"FINE!! GOD, SPENCER!! WHAT IS IT??"

"Mom..."

"What?"

"I'm only eleven."

"Yeah, what do you mean?"

"You said that I would spend half my life as a male."

"So... what's your point?"

"If I'm halfway through my life already..."

She gasps.

"...Then I'm only living to my 22nd birthday..."

It’s disappointing when people don’t know that

You love them.

It’s painfully killing when they say,

You don’t love them.

- Adin

5 September 2019

They say,

It’s fun not knowing,

Besides, it feels better without one.

Please?

They say,

It’s rude to ask

To put one on

Don’t you trust me?

They say,

C’mon, baby,

Sexy,

Please?

I’m clean,

They say,

I don’t do this often enough,

They say,

Please,

They say.

You say,

Sure,

Just this once,

If you’re sure.

But you’re not.

Six months later,

They say

Three letters

And “I’m sorry.”

I flick my fingersover the controls,

collecting badges, finding old scrolls.

Ready to fake-sleep as midnight tolls,

before digging in the dirt among the moles.

I stare at the screen, and it hurts my eyes.

I can't stop, when each new adventure brings a prize.

I must be ready for any suprise,

and if my parents catch me, I must be ready to hypnotise.

Please.

Take these chains from me.

Burn them.

Burn the labels that hold me back.

I’m not your little girl.

Turn the whole world upside down for all I care.

I‘ll go back down the road again.

Start over.

Let me just be me this time.

Yet...

I wonder...

What if I had been born in the other body?

Would I want to be what I have now?

What even is the “correct” body, anyway?

Either way, I’m here now.

And I’m me.

Let me live.

Love me for being me.

Not my cover.

Read the book every once in a while.

You might learn something new.

It wasn’t the world that was put in reverse.

It was my world being inverted.

Now it’s back to standing upright.

I can walk forward again.

I just need to remember how to walk alone sometimes...

I used to hear:

"Don't show your tears,

Protect the girl,

Hide all your fears."

Now I awaken

On this brand new day,

And they still talk,

But it's different what they say:

"Dress up pretty no matter what,

Stay thin, be poise, have grace

And stop being such a slut."

I used to be Kyle, but now I'm not.

And their words and voices I still hear a lot.

Either way they have so many expectations: "Be happy! Smile!"

I guess you can be anything after you pretend for a while.

“PUSH!! PUSH!! HARDER!!”, she screamed so loud that his insides started to match her frequencies. She couldn’t help but to moan louder and louder as he pushed harder and harder. His efforts didn’t satisfied her. She thought he was not giving his best.

They were together there for the past few minutes, their interest matched as they both didn’t wanted to do it for long. She wanted it to be a smooth experience not like her previous encounters, they were all rough and exhausting. But this time, it was also starting to become robust and stinging.

He pushed it harder more and more, nonetheless he was a man, strong in his actions.

He had to do what she had asked for, fulfilling her desires and put his best so that it gives satisfaction to him after he comes out and see her.

Even she did everything to pull it in, to pull harder as if she was some vacuum. She moaned every time he pushed,” AHHHHHH!!”. They both were done, they had perspired a lot. But still no sign of satisfaction flashed on either of their faces.

He thought to give it a last chance. He had a feeling that this time he would do it, he’ll be able to bring a smile on her face.

He took a deep breath and said,

" Just one more time and I’ll do it.

We can do it.”

He gave all his powers and might into it. She screamed the highest pitch this time,

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”

Pain and Pleasure both got mixed.

They both were successful in opening the jammed door, they did it. FINALLY!!!

By: Adin

8-28-19

I’ll tell you but you wouldn’t believe me.

I’d kiss you but it wouldn’t describe

what I am feeling.

So I take you to your favorite restaurant and get down one knee. I ask you to marry me.

Because in the end I’m sure of one thing, that would be that you are the love of my life sweetie.

So I’ll show this with a Neo round-cut

diamond ring.

You always used to tell me to Show my love and let it speak for itself.

Well here I am darling, waiting for an answer.

Show, don’t tell

but put this ring on your finger, and I’ll know.

Our love is real, and the bond is strong

till death do us part.

Your hands grasp my neck. Hard. Too hard. I struggle to take in a breath, but remain silent. It's not worth watching your face fall, dissapointed once again at my inability to play your games. You whisper sweet nothings about my body, touching it in a way that makes my skin crawl.

I wish that just once you could ask me about my day or well being before entering our typical song and dance, your hands exploring my body while I use all of my willpower to avoid flinching.

If you were to ask me about my day you would learn that I am falling apart. Losing my grip on reality inch by precious inch. I've stopped glancing at the clock in my office, wishing your lips could find mine sooner. I avert my eyes from it now, hoping the action will somehow stretch out the moments before I must next sucumb to your embrace. Every second is a battle, my mind screaming at me to leave, my heart begging me to stay. The bruisies I pull sweaters over in the morning are just accidents. You never mean to hurt me... but why are you tearing me apart? Every day is harder than the one before. I need to leave. To escape.

...but I love you.

I love you,

but words

are

h o

l l

o w

t o m b s;

if love,

with words,

is planted

but the seed,

sewn,

f

a

i

l

s

to bloom.