This morning.

My son looked at me. Stared even. Perplexed. As if he’d seen a ghost.

My daughter looked at me. Squinched her nose up and contorted her face into completely unnatural positions.

Both their responses were the same, “I’ve never seen you wear that”

That moment you realize you wear too much black. My children are triggered by my pink pants. Dead. Bah ha ha.

I interacted with a friend today.

One that prevents me from moving on.

for some unknown reason I am drawn to them. I trust them. I understand them.

I relayed that I was doomed to be single.

They responded “why”.

Me “Bc I’m fucked up”

Them “explain”

*now. In my mind I have determined that I am only attracted to friends that have zero desire to be anything more, ever...and thusly. I will be single fo life*

I respond. “Let me ask you something. Would you ever date me? Like seriously. Ever give it a shot. And don’t lie. Not a trick question. And not going to offend”

The response: “yea. why”

Me. Well hell [insert name]. You blew my theory out of the water. Lololol. Never mind then.

And that’s when I knew I wasn’t wrong to shut some people out. Even though that time may never come. It’s okay.

Today.

1. I went on a date.

2. I went to look at a truck.

So. Given those two completely and utterly unrelated items, you would assume I was intelligent enough to keep them separate.

You. Would in fact be wrong.

Here’s how it unfolded.

1. I went on a lovely date at Outback.

We had only exchanged pleasantries via Facebook messenger. We discussed the truck I was going to look at etc. We parted ways.

2. I went to look at an old truck. One that I have wanted for decades. I am met by a chain smoking 60ish year old man in a wifebeater. Literally the antithesis of anyone I would ever consider speaking to other than strictly business. Drive the truck. Like the truck. Leave.

3. Call my brother to discuss the vehicles. Before I am 5 miles down the road, 60yo calls me asking if I liked it. I tell him yes, but I will call him shortly.

4. Call my brother. Finish convo.

5. Call person selling truck and explain that I am going to keep looking. At some point call drops.

6. Sent “Outback” a message along with my phone number. He says he tried but it went straight to VM. I get “Outback’s” number. I get a text that says “Musta lost signal”. I call. We talk.

7. We hang up. I decide to be humorous. I send “you’re cute btw”. Replying to the text that came in whilst I was on the phone.

8. Convo ensues. But it’s strange. And Outback's acting like a smartass. So. I play along.

9. A string of texts later and Oh, btw I’m [insert name], aka old truck guy.

10. Holy. Fuck.

11. I screenshot convo and send to “Outback” who laughs and says I should get a great deal on the truck now.

12. I have to call my brother. He told me not to burn any bridges. Which I did not by phone. However, my texts lit that bitch on fire. He laughed.

13. My brother wasn’t happy with the paint anyway. Which is good. Because after that, he has to keep looking. I told him to find something that met his approval and I promised I would try not to hit on the seller.

You can't make this shit up.

fucking A

Listened to the following convo between my parents:

dad: owen Wilson is in that show Loki

mom: what’s it about

dad: some part of marvel

me *finds show on streaming*

mom: I knew it was satanic.

me *baffled* what do you mean? He’s the god of mischief. It’s based on Greek mythology.

mom: *huffs exasperatedly* What do you think that is?

dad: we will look for something Christian.

Ok. So.

my idiot ex husband, against my wishes took my kiddos to Disney. I had wanted this to be a "family trip" and it was simply not to be. Because he went rogue. Fastforward a week.

Now. They All have COVID. Even the family members who had the vaccine as well as my two tots. Now. Thankfully. most everyone is mild. And apparently mine are warriors with minimal symptoms. I stopped by at the bequest of my ex mother in law to provide her with the Harry Potter series, sans the first one. No fucking clue where that is.

so. I back my truck in the driveway.

it's like a modern day Tombstone.

ex mil and my kiddos lined up about 20 feet away.

Me stepping out of the truck. Slowly placing the bag of DVD's in the grass.

My youngest. Begins grabbing in the air. My son joins. We warn them to stay back.

My daughter "mommy. I'm going to hug you and give you the covid so we can stay with you.

me: "baby, that's 100% not how's thats gonna work. That's gonna add two more weeks of separation."

Then my ex mil tells them to hug each other real tight like they were hugging me. I tell them not to break each other's bones.

they begin to circle and close the gap.

My daughter swings wide and hisses "I will break all of your bones. When I hug you."

Me: wow. Ok then.

Also me: looking forward to it Baby girl. cant. Wait.