Ramblings of a High School Senior
Senioritis is literally the worse condition of them all. I mean what other disease can make an individual stop caring so much about their entire life despite knowing the importance of certain tasks?
I mean, don’t even get me started on how many assignments I have missing in the gradebook right now. Should I be worried about them? ABSOLUTELY. Even getting one math problem might move my gpa to tears.
Oh my poor, poor gpa. Once a shining 4.0 is now facing true demise in the social realm of nerds. (*gasp* Oh no! A 3.5?? Whatever shall she do??)
Like who knows what miracle is required to get me to pass Stats class even if I did try to make an effort at this time. Of course the better alternative is to just sit in my room and stare at the ceiling and complain how terrible high school is and lament the fact that I still have to go there for the next two months despite having been accepted to various institutions since basically December and committed to a university for almost three months now.
In all honesty, it’s pathetic. The fact that I must sit and suffer through a mythology class of busy work and sit unflinching through another stats course in which I basically don’t understand a word is sad. My high school refuses to let students have free periods. Not even seniors. Which if you think about it is absolute crap. I’ve had enough credits to graduate since my sophmore year. It’s not even like I would’ve failed out of school too because ya gurl had straight A’s and a plethora of AP classes.
Trust me, I have sucked the bone marrow out of the education I could have. And in all honesty, I’m exhausted. I’m tired of adults pointing fingers at me and telling me that I have so much more potential. Like even they know that their words are flimsy because I’m not going to get removed from my university now. Especially not when a surpass their average student by lightyears. I do not mean to brag, I simply mean to tell you of a wonderous mind that once resided in my head that managed to get me this far.
It’s not even like this mind has abandoned me. Instead, it rests in my skull day after day and achieves ultimate boredom. It cries to be used for something other than useless arithmetic.
But I will be honest, there are benefits to senioritis. Because I could not care enough about school at this point in my life, I’ve decided that it would be better to just find new passions. Now, I’m already a student of many interests from dance and violin to Model UN and HOSA. But I decided to try something entirely different.
I made a youtube channel. That’s right-- this nerd is a youtuber now. And an instagrammer. I’ve started my first business without having to invest any money (though I project it will be two years before I can make any profit from it).
All this wouldn’t exist without senioritis pushing me to look away from academics. And in fact, after years of thinking I would definitely pursue an academic career whether it be in law or medicine or engineering, I finally came to the conclusion that this like just ain’t it for this gal.
Yes, I dreamed for so long to publish my own novel. And maybe someday I’ll return to that dream. But for now I write for myself, even if it seems like gibberish or disjointed thoughts. I’m putting the lid on this box and putting it on the shelf.
It’s time to explore the world and achieve my non-academic dreams. I’m still going to university in the fall and will be surely dedicated to my collegiate studies more than my current highschool courses but I now know that despite everybody says, I’m not a scholar.
And honestly, maybe at my core, I never was. Maybe I’m not supposed to your stereotypical story of a highschool nerd rising to be the jock’s boss. Nah fam.
I’m gonna own an empire that the nerdiest nerds will beg to be a part of.
I believe in me. And you know what? Maybe I can’t stay on topic and ramble on and somehow take the conversation from senioritis to my future goals but whatever. I’m only 18. I don’t need to know my entire life now. I just need to make sure I’m choosing a good path.
In The Bedroom
Naked body, young and pink. On her knees and tied to the bedframe. Make-up ran down her face as she begged for more.
"Again" I squealed.
He hit her again. The excitement roared through me. I loved to watch.
Through the metal frame, I kissed her, and groped her and licked at her sweet red lips as she moaned.
"Your turn" He growled.
He picked me up by the waist, grabbing at my arse. Then, he threw me down on the bed beside her.
Tomorrow Night.
I'm in the bed I was deep in you last night,
I'm grinding up on the air, can you feel my grind?
Memories suddenly flooding my mind,
You banging your body against the wall,
Making noise, moaning, letting everybody know,
How many times have I got to tell you?
Kissing on your neck telling you not to be cruel
You're my holy book
Let me open up your pages and take a look
at your promiscuous skin
I wanna be let in.
Lust
You are so smoking hot!
I want to have sex with you a lot!
On the bed or in a chair!
Sex! Sex! Everywhere!
Upstairs! Downstairs! On the floor!
Let’s have sex even more!
You taste so nice and sweet!
From your head down to your feet!
Loverboy, get back in bed!
Let’s have sex until we’re dead!
I’ll die happy, getting head!
Time Machine
If I had a time machine that I could only use once, I suppose I'd use it to go the future to get another time machine. No, I'm only joking. I think my real answer, some of you may consider selfish. When I was first presented with this question I thought this is easy. Then I quickly became torn. I lived a long life and I've had a lot of regrets. The one that haunts me most of all is "the one that got away." Then I thought but wait, I can go back, take out Hitler and save the Jewish people. So which do I pick? I spent my whole life wondering what if. What if we met a year, a month even a week sooner? What if I just kissed her? Would she have met him? Would she have left him before the wedding rings became handcuffs? So many questions. There's too many questions. Even if I traveled back to stop Hitler I wouldn't stop much else. There were other dictators. Besides which horrific event do I pick to stop. There's always going to be hate and violence. At least while we are here on this Earth. Here comes the part where you all may start to think I'm a selfish jerk. I'd pick to go back and meet her again. It's been the highlight of my life. I don't know my tactic though. Go back and do what? Maybe just show up sooner? Do I tell her I'm from the future? Maybe I'll just go to the time we first met and grab her and kiss her? Would that change anything? More what ifs. What would be scarier? The what ifs, or if I did what we both say could have been different and you still don't love me?
