the blood that rushed throughout veins
from birthing of child
to matching the pitched in which the doorbell praises
I wonder if it all meant something.
or distinctly destroyed by factors outplayed.
the decipher of a baby's tears.
nights I've stayed up.
wary and woed
bleed straight from my soul
Take away my special
and carry me the defensibly.
as the girl next to me
who worships the grave
is the difference
between violets and roses.
The Devil, "I will grant you immortality on one condition."
The Man, "What's that."
The Devil, "You must kill everyone you ever truly loved."
The Man, "Deal."
The pact was sealed with a handshake before the man ascended the barrel of a pistol to his own head. He pressed the trigger and a small explosion ensued. The pistol had fired, however the man was still alive.
The Devil appeared confused.
The Man, "I never even loved myself you fool."
I Sit Still
The moment you know you're lost it's best to take moment and accept the fact that you're not sure how to get to your destination. And that's fine. Every time I've been lost it's been the result of effort or an attempt at progress.
During progress there will always be chaos.
When I'm lost like, I am now, I write. Writing has a special place in my heart. It's my escape. It's something that fills my cup and helps me get all of the chaos out of my head. Sometimes, I do it for fun. Other times it's to help get the thoughts out and sculpt them into a problem I can solve. Within writing I found a direction and focus.
And when I'm lost that's all I can ask for.
The Smell of Tragedy
The smell of tragedy is ominous
Lives derailed into prologues
Glass broken beneath banished dreams
Processing for desperation
For desperate times
And their mouths are bound shut with murmurs of ideas or answers or the fleeting sound of many prayers
For tears on windows, innocence in backpacks, and leather burned by fear
Flowers dropped under a coal sky, with dusty wind that breeds itself —
The taste of metal is the air
And it is on my tongue
and the smell of tragedy is senseless
So I smear my words on paper to suffocate the pain.
Just once can I get what I want?
Just once, can I see
what it’s like to have a dream come true?
Just one dream.
Just once can I fall in love?
See what it feels like
when someone loves me?
Can I have just one night
that isn’t lonely?
Can I live?
I’ve forgotten what light looks like,
trapped in darkness,
the dread of night.
can I see the light?
solely to release anger
lots of negative weather forecasts
the park was still full
He folded the newspaper and
looked to the next
bench where some old man was begging
his caretakers to take him
He cried that his hemorrhoids
were killing him
Far into the distance children
the kind of screams that make it difficult
to tell whether they're having
fun or being slaughtered
On the front page of the paper
there was some
article about a recent murder. Some
monster stabbed a kid to death
in a park much like
and everybody was
And he fished into his pocket for
and then for the lighter
and smiled at their concerns. It was the
smile of someone who got away
with murder and he stretched it because he'd
gotten away with murder
Many years ago
Into the enemy country
There was a kid much like the one described
in the news article
and the little shit tried to sneak
past their camp and make a delivery
to the enemy
Sure the enemy were just
as they used others
but as luck would have it
he got caught
and the soldiers were mad at him
The kid probably apologized but no one
could understand his language
so they gutted him
solely for the purpose of releasing anger
It didn't work
And the memory was still spinning around
in their heads. At least in
those heads that survived
But only one of them
could smile at it
AUDIO READING HERE:
Why Can’t I Sleep Tonight?
I took my antipsychotic.
I got pretty high earlier,
took a whole happy gummy,
so why am I sitting here
feeling my heart torn out
through my ribcage,
feeling my stomach,
my head sinking
into darkness like a weight
sinking into the deepest, darkest sea.
The loneliness hits
like a dead blow hammer
right to the gut
and I drift off to sleep
wondering what to try next.
Where my dreams and hopes reside
Storms devour creativity,
yet I do not feel they do for me.
Rainy storms bring me inside,
where all of my dreams and hopes reside.
Could I still reach them, far away,
without the rain to help me stay,
Where my dreams and hopes reside.
Alarm blasts through the wall
I stare at the ceiling, lights are off
I can't feel my legs but I am freezing
My right arm reaches to the end table
I close my eyes and say my prayers
One, two, three, breath in and out
Sometimes only my dreams keep me alive
I drag myself through the cycle
One, two, three, think, breathe, think,
Breathe and see your next dream
i claim to not believe in talent
that it belittles artists
who work hard to be skilled
but i don't have another word
that explains why i'm like this
why i can so clearly see
everything in my mind
before i make it
why my brain is like a track
for words to cross through
from some part of the sky
to the ground
it's never been difficult for me
to think of the right words
unless i have to say them out loud
but i don't believe in talent
so i just say i'm not good