the blood that rushed throughout veins

from birthing of child

to matching the pitched in which the doorbell praises

I wonder if it all meant something.

or distinctly destroyed by factors outplayed.

Talent

the decipher of a baby's tears.

nights I've stayed up.

wary and woed

vicious blood

bleed straight from my soul

Take away my special

and carry me the defensibly.

as the girl next to me

who worships the grave

Talent

is the difference

between violets and roses.

The Devil, "I will grant you immortality on one condition."

The Man, "What's that."

The Devil, "You must kill everyone you ever truly loved."

The Man, "Deal."

The pact was sealed with a handshake before the man ascended the barrel of a pistol to his own head. He pressed the trigger and a small explosion ensued. The pistol had fired, however the man was still alive.

The Devil appeared confused.

The Man, "I never even loved myself you fool."

The moment you know you're lost it's best to take moment and accept the fact that you're not sure how to get to your destination. And that's fine. Every time I've been lost it's been the result of effort or an attempt at progress.

During progress there will always be chaos.

When I'm lost like, I am now, I write. Writing has a special place in my heart. It's my escape. It's something that fills my cup and helps me get all of the chaos out of my head. Sometimes, I do it for fun. Other times it's to help get the thoughts out and sculpt them into a problem I can solve. Within writing I found a direction and focus.

And when I'm lost that's all I can ask for.

The smell of tragedy is ominous

Lives derailed into prologues

Glass broken beneath banished dreams

Processing for desperation

In desperation

For desperate times

Again.

And their mouths are bound shut with murmurs of ideas or answers or the fleeting sound of many prayers

For tears on windows, innocence in backpacks, and leather burned by fear

Flowers dropped under a coal sky, with dusty wind that breeds itself —

The taste of metal is the air

And it is on my tongue

and the smell of tragedy is senseless

So I smear my words on paper to suffocate the pain.

#nashvillestrong

Just once can I get what I want?

Just once, can I see

what it’s like to have a dream come true?

Just one dream.

Just once can I fall in love?

See what it feels like

when someone loves me?

Can I have just one night

that isn’t lonely?

Can I live?

I’ve forgotten what light looks like,

trapped in darkness,

the dread of night.

Just once

can I see the light?

lots of negative weather forecasts

lately but

the park was still full

He folded the newspaper and

looked to the next

bench where some old man was begging

his caretakers to take him

home

He cried that his hemorrhoids

were killing him

Far into the distance children

were screaming

the kind of screams that make it difficult

to tell whether they're having

fun or being slaughtered

On the front page of the paper

there was some

article about a recent murder. Some

monster stabbed a kid to death

in a park much like

this one

and everybody was

in uproar

And he fished into his pocket for

a cigarette

and then for the lighter

and smiled at their concerns. It was the

smile of someone who got away

with murder and he stretched it because he'd

gotten away with murder

Many years ago

Far abroad

Into the enemy country

There was a kid much like the one described

in the news article

and the little shit tried to sneak

past their camp and make a delivery

to the enemy

Sure the enemy were just

using him

as they used others

but as luck would have it

he got caught

and the soldiers were mad at him

The kid probably apologized but no one

could understand his language

so they gutted him

solely for the purpose of releasing anger

and frustration

It didn't work

And the memory was still spinning around

in their heads. At least in

those heads that survived

But only one of them

could smile at it

***

INSTAGRAM:

https://www.instagram.com/bogdan_1_dragos/

AUDIO READING HERE:

https://soundcloud.com/user-937736610/solely-to-release-anger

I took my antipsychotic.

I got pretty high earlier,

took a whole happy gummy,

so why am I sitting here

feeling my heart torn out

through my ribcage,

feeling my stomach,

my head sinking

into darkness like a weight

sinking into the deepest, darkest sea.

The loneliness hits

like a dead blow hammer

right to the gut

and I drift off to sleep

wondering what to try next.

Storms devour creativity,

yet I do not feel they do for me.

Rainy storms bring me inside,

where all of my dreams and hopes reside.

Could I still reach them, far away,

without the rain to help me stay,

inside.

Where my dreams and hopes reside.

Alarm blasts through the wall

I stare at the ceiling, lights are off

I can't feel my legs but I am freezing

My right arm reaches to the end table

I close my eyes and say my prayers

One, two, three, breath in and out

Sometimes only my dreams keep me alive

I drag myself through the cycle

One, two, three, think, breathe, think,

Breathe and see your next dream

i claim to not believe in talent

that it belittles artists

who work hard to be skilled

but i don't have another word

that explains why i'm like this

why i can so clearly see

everything in my mind

before i make it

why my brain is like a track

for words to cross through

from some part of the sky

to the ground

it's never been difficult for me

to think of the right words

unless i have to say them out loud

but i don't believe in talent

so i just say i'm not good