He looked at me 

Tears swimming 

I'm so sorry

"I can't be with you!"

I hurt him so badly

I'm so so sorry

"I don't love you"

I said

Voice choking 

at that moment

i saw your heart break

i saw your eyes dim

i saw the walls go up.

i trust the overpasses i drive under won't collapse upon me

leaving me paper thin squashed beneath megatons of concrete

instantly integrated, with my car's metal,

liquified mixture of flesh and pulverized bone

like what happened to human victims in oakland, california years ago

and if it happens in one way or another,

i trust in God who preserves the eternal state of my soul

though my body be burned with fire

my bones to dust

i stub my toe, i cut my hand and finger

no pleasant things like these do i care to have

my body loses strength with daily malaise threats

disease and vice lie at the threshold of every door

unexpected tragedy expected any, every day

happens to the lot of us, no escape

i trust in peace of mind while entrust to him

the God who made heaven and the universe

i trust earthquakes, tornadoes and hurricane

tsunami survival and things of that nature

radiation fallout, poisoned water, traffic accidents

human errors through which to cope

i trust i survive unphased, unmaimed

but if i succumb to death by that hand 

or land in a wheelchair or hospital bed,

i hope and trust in God 

who preserves my eternal state, my soul

though my body be burned with fire

my bones to dust

i trust that if i be in a milling crowd of bullets flying

my people brothers dying, caring for the wounded

loving the fallen, by the ruthless hand of a psycho killer

wielding weapons of senseless hate,

i trust in God who preserves the eternal state of souls

who trust in him

though i may not fully understand

i trust in him by default borne of years led by his hand

i wasn't there when he made it all

but i know enough to trust in him

like i know enough to follow love,

live by his truth,

know enough to refrain from evil

know the difference between it and good

i trust in my ability to think and reason 

keep at work,

watch my back,

i've read about nuclear attack

still pay my bills,

i know the fine line between poverty and wealth

been both places and in between, its understood

learned it does no good to get mad at God

i trust that if i were to be destitute tomorrow and lose it all

that God would take care of me in one way or another

i trust i will not lose my mind as i ponder the myriad traps

the unseen snares

tomorrow's challenges of predicted coming storms

political world's upheaval's, 

wars and rumors of war

i dwell on dread like most human kinds

ignorance may be bliss to common beasts

knowledge is good, but may cause worry, anxiety and pain

i trust in God though i walk through the valley of shadow of death

and i fear no evil

i've seen my fellow human brothers through the media 

all around the world by telecommunication, technology's boon

i've seen their sufferings mostly, though some good celebrations too

sometimes it seems the world is becoming unglued

between man and nature's doings

but i chose to trust in all the good 

the good of humanity is doing to undo the bad

that some men seem bent to inflict on their own 

i trust and seek and i find in you reason for being

love beyond my capability's own

i find in you the truth

it will not shake from my trust

it will not falter, waver long when i lose sight of you

through some calamity of man or nature's doing

i trust that when i lose my sight of you, it will again restored be

though my ears have heard and seen in printed form

some men mock your name and fame

i trust in your words and deeds upon this earth

through all of living history past

through to today and what tomorrow brings

i have no other choice

There is a destiny in the way you smile,

in your panther-hungry eyes,

but it is not mine.

There is a future in your restless voice,

waiting to flower and bloom,

but it is not mine.

There is a love in your ever beating heart,

like the fury of a hummingbird's wings,

but it is not mine.

We are not to be entwined, 

an oak and a linden.

Because you are not mine.

(No matter how I wish you were)

I want you close, and it's killing me

Won't you come, take me by the hand

It won't be soon before I let myself go

You've taken me away by your love

I'm nervous, tired and undone

Thank you for being there and promising

That all will be well, your love is all.

Being alone

Isn't that what we all fear, deep down

that though we may live 80, 90 years

we may never find someone?

Or, would we settle too soon,

only to end up confined to an unhappy relationship

with someone we don't love, and probably never did?

Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner

A soul-mate, or whatever

And that I probably never will deserve one

But I find comfort in the fact that

at least I'm not trapped.

scratches marr the mirror

rain rivers my window 

so much is tangential 

in my view.

my yearn is to know

truth

learned from fidelity

what substance have I

when straight ahead is rivered 

and reflection scoures

me

Once, alchemists dreamed of endless gold,

'Til they died from blade or age.

Their ambitions became a tale of old,

On which history turned the page.

In due course, earth and sky united

By towers of steel and glass

And stranger names we gave to hybrids

That by our hands came to pass.

What, in the end, is an alloy but

The changing of an essence?

Is the search long done, or is it yet

Hidden in our new science?

Heed now the view from vantage high,

The strangeness of the ways:

There are ideas which never do die,

But merely await better days.

Perfect promises flowing,

I swallow your alluring words

And regurgitate.

From this I infer

That you pour your perfect promises

And lace them with poison.

You put dreams in my head

And, yet, leave my heart broken.

So do not pour more promises

At my rebuff.

Your actions speak volumes.

Your words are not enough.

Kicking up dust clouds from the dirt trail, beads of sweat ran down my cheeks. There wasn't enough water to quench my dry tongue, and my breathe was difficult to catch. 

In my hazy view, the face of a young man smiled at me. Walking now at my side, I found his presence oddly comforting. Did I know this man? 

He said nothing until we reached  a shaded area surrounded by trees. There was a blanket next to a stream, and he invited me to rest. I took off my shoes, slowly crawled onto the blanket, and slept. 

I spent a long time

Drowning under the delusion that my life would change on its own

Smothered in the belief that I could sit back and let life happen to me

Suffocating from the notion that I can be different by simply being older

Drunkenly stumbling into the traffic jam of my emotions

Hopelessly playing Russian Roulette with a giant gun filled with drugs

Hoping

But the common denominator of these verbs

Is that they all end in me dying