Gravy To My Mashed Potatoes
Elementary School. The house of worship for mothers and fathers. The house of rejection if you were a big-nosed dweeb like me. Where I grew up there were more fields then houses, people living far and few between. I was fortunate enough to live in that small middle class development along with that one other upper class development in the lower parts of town where all of the snotty little brat faces of the world lived. Their father's were teachers, lawyers, or anesthesiologists. Their mother's were bored lonely housewives who worked in retail. They hardly disciplined their children because their children were inherently perfect. And I? Was not.
Getting onto the school bus and walking down the narrow black aisle which always felt sticky under my purple Velcro sneakers felt like walking the green mile. I got head shakes no from the left and head shakes no from the right. This went on and on until the bus driver would yell "just sit down already!" One time, a girl I sat next to, with an esteem higher then deserved, rolled her eyes and licked her Hawaiian juice stained lips before commenting to my peers on how she was sitting next to the "fat girl." Ironically, I was thinner then her. Imagine that.
Gym. Need I say more? Yes, I was the last one picked to be on your team. You would all moan and groan too when I came awkwardly shuffling my feet, head down, towards your hyperactive tawny bodies. If I was feeling feisty that day I would shout "shut up!" to my crush when he would critique my jumping jacks.
When it was my turn to read aloud, my class snickered at how I pronounced my R's. They wrote on my birthday poster that I spoke funny. They pulled me from class to tell me I couldn't read. I was released back into the wild in a week when the teachers stopped listening to the children's plea for my departure.
Yearbook signings. I thought I was safe to ask the nerd to sign my yearbook. Let me tell you, I have never seen a face so disgusted as I did that day!
Aw, yes. Exclusion, and repulsion, had become the gravy to my mashed potatoes. Where I went sure enough so did rejection. My resolution? Be as quite as a mouse. Be as transparent as a ghost. Did it work out for me? I don't know. Here I am writing all by my lonesome on the computer, as quite as a mouse and transparent as a ghost on the topic of rejection. You tell me.
I missed you.
It's so amazing to me to how when I'm with you, everything just pulls together. I don't feel so broken, so lost, so afraid of the world. I don't feel scared when I'm with you. When you're mine and I'm yours. The thing we share is so much more, worth so much more than to be described with the word "love". What we have is, our bad days, our grumpy days, our sadness, our pain. It is also our laughter and our smiles, it's our snuggles and not being able to be in the same room without touching in some way. You see those photos about people saying real couples don't touch every night when they sleep. That's never been you and me. Three years plus and we touch each other and get tangled up in each other every time we're in the same bed. You make my heart warm, you make it beat so fast when I don't want it to beat at all. You remind me I'm alive, that it's okay to be broken because I will heal. I never go without feeling how much you love me, how special you make me feel. When I found you and you found me in this life, you not only became my sweetheart but you became my best friend in life. You are all I could ever want or ask for in a person. You are my forever. I missed you so much my soul ached.
DinnerTime
"Hey," he smiled at his wife, as she entered the kitchen, tired from a long day's work. "I've already started dinner, so just sit back, relax, I'll let you know when it's done."
She went to the bedroom to change, returning shortly thereafter. She watched as he finished searing the meat, adding vegetables and potato bites. He served the plates while she poured the drinks.
Sitting down, she asked, "What happened to Jim? I thought we were having him over for dinner."
His face went from smiling to glaring as he put her plate in front of her and he answered, "Oh, but we are, my dear, we are."
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©2017, Trina High