I don't make a habit of eavesdropping but watching the interaction between people can be one of the most informative and entertaining pastimes...

The resturant was relatively quiet and I was enjoying a large cappuccino with cream when an all to familiar sound caught my ear.

"Tik tik tik... tik tik... tik..."

An attractive young gentleman dressed smart casual in blue jeans, white collar shirt with blue blazer and smart black shoes sat opposite an equally beautiful young lady in a loose flowing white dress and white heels.

"Tik tik... tik tik tik... tik..."

I quickly scanned the room. No one was watching me watching them. Taking another sip I returned my attention to the couple.

"Tik tik tik... tik tik..."

The gentleman smiled as he pushed send. Without taking his eyes of the bright screen of his phone he lifted it and turned the glow of his device towards the lady opposite him. She barely flicked her eyes at the screen presented to her unable to remove her own gaze from the conversation she was having with her smart phone.

"Tik tik tik... tik tik... tik..." She replied with a smirk on her face.

The gentleman, seemingly happy with her reaction, pulled the screen back and returned to his own conversation he was having with his phone.

"This younger generation has forgotten how to talk to each other." I laughed as I looked down to answer a WhatsApp message.

"Can you please put your phone down and look at me." My wife said in frustration.

I lifted my screen up so that she could see the message I had just received, "Look at what Peter sent me."

"Honestly!" She grunted.

Port Dickson is a famous beach destination in the state of Negeri Sembilan. The place is full of wonderful beaches and beach resorts that are well furnished and equipped with some of the most modern amenities. My Bus Journey to Port Dickson was not only convenient but also quite comfortable. Getting around the city will not be a problem as there are quite a few helpful guides who will show you around the city and will help you explore your destination. The price of the ticket was about 35 SGD which was quite reasonable compared to the type of services they had to offer. I figured out that traveling by bus is one of the most ideal options for this journey. It serves as one of the most ideal options for a weekend family getaway and a perfect retreat from the hustle and bustle of the cities. The place offered me the best of Malaysia in one plave without having to go anywhere. I would recommend you to travel during the day snd experience the beautiful sight of the plush greenery on your route.

The route from Singapore to Port Dickson is the route that has been preferred by locals, visitors and tourists – thanks to the magnificient views of the skyline of Singapore. Port Dickson is located just adjacent to a huge beach and is known to have some of the most relaxing and distinctive beach resorts. It is just a few metres away from the city of Seremban on the North South highway. Although you can reach Port Dickson by train, bus is the only convenient means of transport to reach Port Dickson from Singapore as all other means have frequent inter changes.

Golden coach and KKKL Travels are the operators plying on this route on ad hoc basis which is only every Friday and Saturday. The fare from Singapore to Port Dickson is SGD35 and passengers mostly prefer to buy return tickets which cost about SGD70 that is because of the limited bus services. Make sure to book your bus tickets in advance from https://www.redbus.sg/buses/port-dickson-bus-tickets as only a few tickets are available during the festive season and long week ends. The duration of the journey is about 5 hours but this is subject to traffic condition during that time. Usually one wash room break will be provided during the journey. The boarding point for Golden Court bus service is located at Concorde Shopping Centre, Beach Road where as the departure time for KKKL Travels and Tours is located at Textile Centre. They provide quite a few convenient hotel drop off points in Port Dickson which include Grand Lexis Hotel and Avillion Port Dickson Hotel. The bus will also drop you off at the recently opened Lexis Hibiscus Port Dickson Hotel. I booked my tickets with Golden Coach. The buses were quite comfortable and well air conditioned. It had charging stations below the seat for my laptop and mobile ensuring I was completely entertained and connected throughout my journey!!

It has been suggested in Philosophical texts that Evil must exist in order to “make real” our apparent freedom of choice. (Free will is obviously not truly free if we can not select from a fully stacked deck of cards.) I note that the fundamental limitation of our free will, described in the previous chapter, seems to undermine the statement somewhat. There is an underlying discord—whispered grievances of God “wanting or not wanting this or that,” in relation to our own plight; Burdening us, as it were, with Evil. In my estimation, our fundamental desire is not so much to be extrinsically Free to... as it is to be intrinsically Free from (fear, lack, need, etc.).

…does He/She not want to interfere with our business? I counter this assumption with the notion that it is not Our business vs. God’s; we follow in the same line of work. God goes about God’s business—inventing and reinventing. We are entirely a part of this process. A writerly metaphor begs itself: Each narrative plays itself out... There are endings that we do not like; but we cannot put the book down, being so intrinsically entangled in the plot. Good and Evil are moot if we accept (as I do) that there is only God (as the sum of the light and dark, the full and void; complete, thus completely neutral). One might say that there is no Evil other than that which our social mores, or personal biases, begin to deem as such.

(While not retracting from the previous position that Heaven-Earth-Hell are one, we might still, as an apt illustration, quote from The Bible, Matthew 16:19 “I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven. Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.")

That is not to say that there are no wrong in the world, or consequential suffering. Once there is Choice, there is a range of selections; and as we can see full-well not every option provides the “greatest good” in outcome. Accordingly, we are not freed of individual or collective Responsibility. Indeed, I feel that we have tremendous Power, despite the insignificance we justifiably feel in the vast turmoil of Reality. We have Inertia; and that is a devastating force.

On a small scale we dread writer’s block, knowing how difficult it is to get a progressive momentum going! …All the worse of a blockade is formed when any contingent of our-kind (whether one man or a million) refuses to question social custom, and thereby obstructs the free flow of thought, which alone makes possible self-correction, balance, harmony—i.e. the sense of peace that we inherently seek out.

…does Satan and his so-called legion of demons exist? …Is religion just a clever man’s way of making sure we follow a set of rules because we humans are animals…? From the Hebrew, satan literally means “adversary” or “to oppose.” Every other creature on Earth dutifully obeys the laws of Nature, without apparent self-consciousness or resistance in that obeisance. Not so with Man; we know this deeply—through our painful awareness of our dim misleading intuition, lack of reliable instinct, and constant companion of Doubt. We seem to crave rules and guidance, while grappling with our gift of Freedom.

As suggested in the conclusion of the last chapter, only we among animals are granted the potentiality of standing in opposition to God’s propositions. Hence, Humanity is Satan; and it is we who form collectively the legion of demons. …Once again, I find our tendency to apply a displaced psychology. Not unlike when we bruise ourselves against the leg of a table, and curse it stupidly rather than ourselves, knowing acutely that our own inattention has led to the painful incident. We look to allocate some kind of blame beyond; unburden ourselves… It is not a problem of Religion or Sin; but of the hard work that we see in mobilizing and disciplining the flickering spirit within.

This is a great night to die as I look up at the sky, clouds hide her beauty reminisce their far away light wind speak chapped lips dragging tears sway of the autumn foliage rustle succumb temptations of a destined past bleeding torments music amplifies hallucinogenic temper creatures dancing the laughter of the children smiles away head resting on his chest weary self can't go on with a cheap bottle of wine and a cigarette on hand taste of metal he must endure hands trembling darkens night seeming shadows clouded vision loud spark bottle bouncing translucent feelings hid away she walked slowly note in hand she took falling to her knees rain drops imitating tears were washed away.

(This was taken from a Savage Worlds Game using the Beasts and Barbarians Setting)

Out of the mountains and into the Darkness

As our heroes learned of the attack on the house of Conn from the house servant, Horatio, who informed them that Conobar had designs on the king’s daughter, Selenia. It is unknown what Connobar wants her for, only that she is needed.

Horatio also informed our heroes that if they were to follow the range of mountains through the pass, they would come upon the kingdom of Hellias. It is the season of harvest and the king’s Harvest Carnival is among the kingdom. It was learned that it might be hard to acquire a vessel to take them to the island of Ascaia, the island of the Amazon queens.

After hearing of this, our heroes mounted up and brought Horatio with them. Hillario spoke for the king that he would be a welcome addition to the kings house till Conn was found. Horatio agreed and the six of you set on your path to Hellias.

After ten days of travel with nothing interesting occurring during this time, they found them selves at the gate to Hellias. But the gates were closed and were told to come back in the morning, so as one would do, they made camp out by the sides of the roads as the rest of the travelers had.

They awoke and saw people coming and going through the now open gates. They broke camp and headed into the city of Hellias. Salazar the soldier and Feng Tszu went to the docks and learned that the ships were all docked and had no crews as they were all making their way to the Harvest carnival in the heart of the city.

Sigwolf and Cade made their way to the nearest taverns as they were looking for sailing crews to purchase their passage to Ascencia. However, they found themselves in the tavern with all men and no wenches! They never ever found themselves in this predicament and soon discovered from the only serving wench if it were female companion ship they were looking for they needed to head to the Harvest Carnival…to the Red flagged tents…not the blue, for they would be most disappointed if they went to the blue flagged tents. As it were the serving wench was able to scare up a few whores for Sigwolf with the meal and ale. After they ate and drank, they retired to their rooms to commence with their whoring ways.

Meanwhile, Salzar and Feng Tszu discover from the harbor master that there is one ship that is readying to set sail, the Benevolent. Salzar and Feng Tszu find Captain Haimes Mendestoux. Captain Haimes informes Salzar that he is not taking on any passengers on this time. Looking distressed, Salzar asked if he and Feng Tszu could be of any help as they were adventurers. Captain Haimes thought a moment and informed Salzar that he would take them on as passangers if they would help him man his ship as his crew was out and couldn't be brought back in condition to sail. They would also have to sail to rescue his sister, Bethesda Mendestoux who has been captured by Captain Hendrix Pettibou, the scourge of the Finger Island pirates!

Salzar accepts the offer and he and Feng Tszu embark on their way to the Festivel to find Sigwolf and Cade. Salzar having gotten to know his new adventuring group, decides he and Feng Tszu should head to the whore tents first!

And his guess was right, Sigwolf had decimated an entire tent and was being cursed in foreign languages as he threw water over himself after satiating his carnal appetites. After collecting Sigwolf and Cade, they made their way back to the Benevolent. After boarding, they were introduced with Captain Haimes and on the next morning they set sail.

Captain Haimes instruiced the heroes how to work the various sails and what was needed to get the ship where it needed to. Three days into the journey, Feng Tszu who was up in the crow’s nest, saw a ship in the distance approaching fast. As they were trying to gather everyone on the deck, the unrecognized ship got closer, and through his spyglass, Captain Haimes recognized it as one of the Finger Island Pirate ships, the Terrible’ It was rumored to be captained by Theroux Pettibou, a Captain of the finger pisland pirates and brother to Captain Hendrix Petibou and just as nasty.

Captain Haimes took the heroes below and showed them how to fire the cannons. Sigwolf and Cade manned the cannons and Salzar and Feng Tszu readied for boarders.

As the Terrible got closer it took a offensive position to the benevolent and came along side of her, letting loose a barage of canon balls. and they could see the men of the Terrible set grappling hooks for boarding parties. The Terrible came about and let loose another barage of cannon balls and this time it was enough to get close to the Benevolent and take her. Captain Haimes, Salzar and Feng Tzu waited as the pirates came aboard and it looked like it was the captain himself who came over as well.

“Thanks for bringing me a new ship, bring yourselves out and we wont kill you slowly!‘, Captain Theroux yelled. Captain Haimes came out and said, “Fine we surrender” Hearing that, like the trained soldier he was, Salazar came out ready to swing with little Feng Tszu as his heels. "The great Salzar doesn’t surrender!’ and Captain Haimes turned to him and said, “Today you do as this was my plan!”

Feng Tszu and Salazar broke into action – Feng Tszu took his whistleing staff to the men in front of him and sent them flying 30 feet back and Salazar went after the Captain. The captain had a poisoners glove on and grazed Salzar’s face. He could feel a slick sticky substance on his face and he started to feel funny.

It was Feng Tsu who noticed that about half of the men on the Terrible’ were pygmies he had heard about. The hunters were known to have blow guns with poisoned darts in them.  And as he was contemplating this, he felt a stick in his neck and he too started feeling the ealry affects. of this poison.

Sigwolf and Cade were letting cannon balls fly and they noteiced through the holes in the boat that the crew were half pygmies. And Cad saw the blow guns and ducked. He was even hit once or twice but was not affected as of yet. Sigwolf was not so lucky as he was hit a multiple times in the chest and started keeling forward.

Before Feng Tszu collapsed he brought his muster together and made an incredible blow to the head of Captain Theroux Pettibou, and spit his skull wide open. As he was recovering from the swing, Feng Tszu, like his comrades started to feel himself slip into the darkness of unconsciousness.

Fade to Black

There are few things in this world as dangerous as the act of trust. It’s a game that you can never be sure you won and that you always fear of losing. It’s placing a gun in your lovers hand, putting the barrel to your own temple, and asking them to pull the trigger. Only your lover knows if the gun is empty. You just sit there...trusting.

Jenna sat at a Chipotle table and she knew that her gun was loaded. Her lover sat across from her and she’d long since lost the thread of his words. She watched him scoop guacamole onto a chip and bring it to his lips. A bit of the green gunk fell off the chip in transit and landed on the table. You have no idea, do you? 

Something in her belly twisted and her fingernails bit into her palms. Her lover smiled at her and proffered his bag of chips towards her. She took one, the sharp edges cut the roof of her mouth. Next her lover held out his hand to her. She took it too, squeezing his fingers. His smile expanded and he asked what she wanted to do after lunch. You really have no idea. This is just a regular lunch for you, isn’t it? She was struck by the fragility of trust. Her lover sat in front of her, he didn’t know and he’d probably never know. He’d go on with his faith in their affection intact, unless she pulled the trigger. Her gun was loaded and in less than a moment she could put holes in him. The deed had already been done, but it wasn’t quite a crime yet, because she’d gotten away with it. Her lover still trusted her, blind faith keeping him beside her. How can you be so blind? Isn’t it obvious? But it wasn’t, because her lover trusted her. Something icy fell into her chest. What if she was as blind as him?

On this side of broken trust she could see how easy it was to betray without consequences. Through her eyes he sat across from her, cheerfully, blissfully unaware that there were bullets in her gun. She saw his innocent ignorance and thought him a fool for not realizing the truth...but what if he thought the same of her? What if his gun was loaded too and she was just as unaware. Just as stupid. Anger flooded her veins, how dare she be taken for such a fool! If he’d broken faith, she’d never know. Her hands clenched and she looked more closely at him. Was his shirt rumpled because it had been fished from a pile of unfolded laundry that morning or had manicured hands twisted it when they pulled it from his body? Had he really been late to their lunch date because he’d had to wait for a parking space? She’d relished his tardiness at the time, now she felt dizzy. Her head swam as the world pulsed around her. Her heart pounded a wrathful beat against her ribs. Her lover stood up with their almost empty paper cups and took them to the soda fountain.

                                                             ~*~

James. There was something undeniably sexy about the name. It was classic, masculine, confident. Jim and Jimmy sounded like someone’s borderline alcoholic uncle who lived on a farm. Jamie sounded like a little boy. But James. James was a man’s name.

This particular James lived up to his name like no one else she’d ever met. The music pumping through the club was overwhelmingly loud. Too loud for normal conversation, so he’d put his mouth directly onto her ear to say his name. The scruff on his jaw rubbed against her cheek, the vibrations of his voice shot directly from her ear to between her legs. His hand was on her waist, their bodies almost touching as they moved with the beat. He was taller than she was, so she wrapped her hand around his neck to pull his head closer to her’s.

‘Jenna’ she half shouted into his ear in return. This was the moment to take a step back. To smile politely and make her way back through the mass of dancers and to her work-friends who were probably still gossiping about the boss at the bar. She knew she’d already toed over the line of impropriety. She’d gone to the dance floor alone, less interested in office politics than her co-workers. She’d agreed to go out with them, since she’d passed on their last two invitations, but she had little interest in forging real friendships with any of them. So she’d taken a shot of bottom shelf rum and excused herself from their group to the dance floor.

One of the men had taken notice when she’d joined the throng. He nodded his head at her and grinned. A rush of flattery made her blush. She made a point of not looking in his direction again, as she moved with the music. There was a thrill in the idea of being watched, of perhaps being wanted. She carded a hand through her long hair as she grinded against the air, snaking her body down towards the ground and back up again. Eventually she looked back at the man, he was moving through the people towards her. Excitement filled her. It made her feel good to imagine herself as an unattainable desire. She pictured him coming towards her and introducing himself, asking for a dance. She’d be able to smile and laugh, introduce herself, but decline his offer. She had a lover, she’d tell him. It was empowering to feel wanted by others with no obligation to reciprocate.

Just as imagined a moment before, he came to her, he introduced himself. He was James, she was Jenna. Now was the moment to charmingly decline his offer and walk away. But she didn’t...

He moved closer to her, slowly; his body movements were a question. He was asking her permission, ensuring that his actions were welcome. She took a step closer too, fitting her body tightly against James’. It wasn’t planned, it was impulse. It was a choice and she followed her desire of the moment. In the back of her consciousness, a bullet was slid into a chamber.

                                                                    ~*~

Her lover returned, and she took the refilled soda cup. They chatted about nothing for several minutes, picking at the last bites of their meals. They talked about boring things, couple things. The upcoming wedding of shared friends. Her lover’s dog which needed to go to the vet. The politics of her office. Here Jenna changed the subject, she didn’t have enough information about that topic to make an interesting anecdote for her lover. They talked about an amusing commercial they’d seen on the television. Her lover asked her if she was ready to go.

‘Can we stay a bit longer,’ she asked. She could feel the weight of the gun, her own consciousness, in her hands now.

                                                                   ~*~

They were back at James’ apartment, it was closer than her’s. The front door was still being kicked closed when James pressed her against the wall. She had fistfuls of his hair and his own hands moved up and down her body. She twisted a leg around his own, dragging him closer with it and pushing her hips against his. Their kisses were deep, one of them moaned, but she couldn’t be sure which of them made the lustful, wanting noise. His hands were squeezing her ass now and she rutted against him.

‘Fuck,’ said James as she lightly bit his neck.

‘Yes, please,’ said Jenna. Her mind was singular, she wanted him.

He pulled her by the hand. She briefly took notice of the living room before they stumbled into his bedroom. A grey cat looked up at them from the bed, ears twitching. The mood faltered.

‘Oh,’ said James and he looked at her a little sheepishly. She giggled as he gently picked up the animal. ‘Cock-blocker,’ he hissed at the cat who gave a little mewl.

’Don’t worry, I’m a cat person,” said Jenna sitting on the bed and bending to pull at the straps of her high heels.

‘Leave ‘em on,’ said James shutting the door on the cat and turning back to face her. ‘They’re sexy.’ She sat up, shoes still in place, the rush of anticipation building inside her again. James was tugging off his tie and undoing the buttons of his dress shirt. His own shoes were already gone. She was about to complain that by undressing himself, he was depriving her of the chance to do it, and it was something she’d been looking forward to. But then he spoke and his words erased the thoughts in her head.

‘I want to taste you,’ said James, kneeling on the floor in front of her, his hands rubbed up her calves, opening her legs. A throb of arousal went through her body. Hands were spidering up her thighs. She moved closer to the edge of the bed, opening herself willingly, eagerly even. She moaned as a hot kiss was pressed into each thigh. Her underwear was pulled down and her skirt shoved upwards. She was utterly exposed to him and he grinned up at her as he moved her legs over his shoulders, positioning himself. Then very deliberately one of the hands on her thigh moved between her legs and started moving up and down. The fingers pushed and then circled, pulling her apart. She felt his fingers enter her and she contracted around them. Relishing what she had been given, but craving more.... But almost immediately his hand was gone. Withdrawn from her body and she gave a cry of distress. He lifted his fingers to his mouth and she watched in a haze of desire. He glanced at her around his own fingers, something mischievous in his eyes.

‘Want a taste?’ he asked

‘No. I want to fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before,’ said Jenna sweetly. She enjoyed the impact of her words. James made an involuntary movements with his hips, that looked like a thrust and a lustful look passed over his face. Then he moved forward and before she had time to think his mouth had replaced his fingers.

                                                                  ~*~

Her lover sat back down, looking expectantly at her. She felt a pang looking at him, but she could also feel the echo of James moving over her body. Moving inside her body. She thought of the pleasure she’d taken in James and the pleasures he’d taken in her. Her guilt came from her lack of regret. She couldn’t decide what made her feel worse, the pain she was about to inflict on her lover or the fact that between meeting James and waking up with him, their naked bodies entwined, this morning...she’d forgotten that she’d even had a boyfriend of two and a half years at all.

Trust was such a fragile thing. Now she’d shattered it and walked remorselessly over the pieces. She took a breath and the gun took aim at his heart.

‘There’s something I need to tell you…’

Bang.

“Tell me about yourself,” I heard my boss’s dulcet British accent wafting between the dividing wall between our offices. “What do you charge and what can I expect for that?”

His office door was wide open and I couldn’t help but hear his words. I had heard him many times planning assignations with various women, some who were prostitutes and others whom he had encountered in his business dealings.

“I can’t wait to see you. Can you get away without your husband suspecting?” he purred. To others, “Will your daughter be sleeping if I come by at 8? Does she sleep soundly?”

“I’m going to be in town tomorrow at your office. Can you slip away?” His smooth, sexy entreaties never ended.

Often his wife would come roaring into the office to see if she could catch him in the act. She’d rush into his office, asking, “Where is she? When will you be home? Why were you late last night?” And on and on!

My sweet talking boss had often propositioned me and I thought he was attractive but tainted. Although I was unhappily married at the time, I never fell for his bait. I knew where he had been and I was not interested.

One day, I got a call at home from his wife, “I need your address to catch up my address book so I can send you a Christmas card.”

I knew she probably planned to come by my house to see if her husband was there with me, so I gave her my address, thinking that she would understand I was innocent. Later, I regretted my decision because I had a very jealous husband but it was too late to backtrack.

One week later, she came crashing through the front door into my office and shouted, “Are you sleeping with my husband?”

ˈmav(ə)rik/

noun

noun: maverick; plural noun: mavericks

1. an unorthodox or independent-minded person.

____________________________________________________________

I’ve always felt out of place or out of step. My whole life I felt different.

I was a tall kid and because I stuck out in that way, long before I was overweight, I felt superfluously awkward.

In my nearly 26 years I have met only one person who’s anything like me.

I suppose in some way I should feel better about myself for that, but it always made friendships hard to find and led 95% of the people I grew up around to possess a shallow understanding of me.

All whilst growing up, I felt a lot of shame about being myself.

I’m not normal. Anyone who knows me can tell you.

That would have hurt me to say about 5 years ago. I notice things that other people don’t. I’m a people watcher. I notice people’s jaw lines, cheekbones, the way they look at people, the way they move, how they move, what their movements mean in relation to who they are with, the expressions, whether or not their dimples show, who they’re kind to, who they snub, and I get to know a person in observing them. That freaks people out, I’ve learned. People don’t like to feel watched.

Anyone who is my friend, however, knows to expect that I will watch them. I like to see someone’s joy spread from one crease to all the others. How someone processes their emotions and what that looks like can be beautiful. I find joy in finding people’s beautiful things that they do, say, and are.

Today I was at Tropical Smoothie Cafe and there’s a guy who works there who has this deep gravel-y voice and every time he speaks it makes me smile. So just before I left I ran over to where he was making sandwiches, peered over the low wall, and I told him. I told him that his voice makes me happy and it always makes me smile. He smiled so big. He felt seen and that in itself spread joy from crease to crease. Next I tell him that I love his smile. It’s such a kind, warm, comforting smile.

I’m a photographer, so this love for crease-inducing expression comes in handy.

When I worked at a Tallahassee church in student ministry, all the interns I worked with knew that there would be photos of them. My students too. One of the interns about a year ago, told me that he had never wanted a multitude of pictures of him on Facebook and the like. It hurt my feelings because I think of my work as a labor of love. If I photograph you, it’s because I see something/someone beautiful in some intricate way. He didn’t know that. It’s okay. I recently told him I wasn’t sorry for the photos.

I think a lot of the interns endured my photography of them as an act of love.

It’s one of the ways I communicate. Along with writing of course.

So in recent years as a student ministry intern, working with the high school I noticed that my thought patterns were of interest to a few of my students. My transparency in loving them, pursuing my future, and growing wasn’t scary, in fact it inspired some of them.

I’m a transparent person. I feel things often quite obviously. That’s been another of my hurdles in life.

I hit those hurdles at full speed. I always do.

It’s okay. It’s not a bad thing to have a full understanding of pain.

Pain is prevalent and yet misunderstood.

Society tells us that to be happy is the end all be all.

But to live is to experience emotion on a full spectrum.

That pendulum swings both ways.

On, “Criminal Minds” there’s a character called Penelope Garcia. She is DIFFERENT.

I love it.

Her hair changes colors constantly. Her clothes are loud. She loves color. She is bold, sassy, sexy, hilarious, amazing, kind, curvy, and strong. She lost her parents at a young age, fell off the face of the planet, and somewhere along the way she turned off the road of darkness and slowly but surely began to rebuild.

The actress who plays Garcia, Kirsten Vangsness, is an amazing human, for those of you rolling your eyes at my reference. I love how Kirsten fights for America and fights to empower its citizens.

So I’m different. It’s obvious these days as I have blue hair now.

Most kids think I’m a magical creature, people feel comfortable with me quickly, and it opens me up to meeting more people than I would have.

I’ve been told that I laugh at unusual moments. My strange humor gives many of my friends and family members a lot of joy because it and I are so off-kilter.

I’m a strange bird and I always wanted to be normal. But if I was normal then I wouldn’t have told that guy in tropical smoothie that his voice makes me happy , told the chipotle manager that his cheekbones could slice butter, or danced on the sidewalk during five o’clock traffic.

I’ve learned that if people are confident in being themselves, often others are drawn in by their confidence and think of their idiosyncrasies as lovable personality quirks. But when someone is apologetic for their idiosyncrasies and draws negative attention to them, others are more likely to respond to them the way they fear others will.

Aaaaaaand strut.

Yours Sincerely,

The Undefeated

"So, how have you been?"

Beth's query to me was barely heard over the pounding of my heart. After all of this time living very separate lives, engaging in separate loves, she has me stirred up as if things never ended poorly. It was as if she swooped back into my life, blew on the remaining embers left of us, and set me aflame once more. I hated feeling this way. I loved feeling this way. She looked almost the same, she smelled the same, sans that she gave up smoking somewhere along the way. 

"Life has been a whirlwind of ups and downs, honestly. Ginny's cancer and death the lowest point. How about you? How have things been for you?"

"Same as you I suppose, a few loves, one marriage. All lost. But, not all of it bad," She smiled at that, the same soft warm smile that hooked me way back when. It had a bit more wisdom behind it now, replacing the bit of carefree whimsy of yesteryear. It was beautiful, all the same.

"So, honestly, why..."

"...contact you, after all of this time? Do I have to answer honestly?" Beth laughed, her honey rich laugh. It actually sounded a bit cleaner than back when when she was still smoking, "Because, beyond everything else, I never fully stopped missing you. I never fully escaped how the memory of you haunted me. I never...stopped comparing others to you on all things..."

She left the rest unsaid. She didn't have to answer. A small part of me wanted to ask why she ended it before, but it seemed a pointless question now. I ended up loving after Beth. Getting married to the love of my live, Ginny. We were content and happy and passionate. I did love hard again after Beth. The only thing that ended it was a battle with cancer. It devastated me. If Beth reached out to me a year sooner, I would have probably ignored the call. She always had an amazing insight into me though, when to give me space and when to break down the door, even without knowing directly what was going on in life.

"And Danny, I know it is long overdue, but I am sorry for hurting you. I am sorry for leaving. I do not regret much of that decision, but I always regretted the hurt it was to cause."

"It is so far removed, it doesn't matter anymore. I had many wonderful moments since, that would have never happened. So perhaps I should thank you for letting me go."

She smiled at that, reached over to caress my cheek as she use to a thousand times before. I got the same jolt I always had from her. I hated that it came back so easily, but I loved it as well. "Oh, my sage, I see your old soul is still getting older."

I smiled at that. She always made me feel warm when she referred to me in such a way. 

She looked at me a bit more seriously and then asked, "Can we get out of here, and take a walk?"

"Sure."

~~~

Beth broke protocol and pretense and took my hand in hers five minutes into out walk, as if the last fifteen years of life never happened. It was both a reflex and a need for the comfort.

"Danny, this has been nice, but. Well, I want a chance to start over. I have been wanting to call you forever, but it never felt like the right time. Now, I don't want any more time to slip away, or at least, without giving us a chance again."

She was fumbling at her words. All of the normal confidence she displayed in the bistro was now gone. She was vulnerable and unsure. It made my heart lurch.

"Of course we can start over. We never completely stopped being friends, so it would be more like continuing, but I know what you mean. We can take it slow, give us time to get reacquainted."

She smiled her honeyed smile and I watched a tear begin to form. Without thinking, I reached up and wiped it away. It was a reflex and a need to comfort her.

~~~

I woke with a start, as if from a wonderful dream, yet Beth was curled up into me, both of us as naked as the first time we made love. So much for taking it slow. The walk built up the tension between us. All of the resistances slowly melted away to leave us with the needs we use to always have.

The love-making was a desperate thing. It was new, yet we were already familiar with each other and how we danced. The passion was the same but the experience was deeper. We loved, we fucked, and we did damn near everything in between.

I watched her sleep on my chest. I studied how effortlessly her form pressed into mine. I hoped this was not a fleeting thing but truly a restart into our lives.

For now, I was content and perhaps was the first time since losing Ginny that I tasted happiness unblemished again.

I could hear her ghost whisper to me, when we were newly engaged, "You know, she was a fool to let you go. I almost feel I need to thank her."

I thought to myself, "But, I would have never had the chance to love you, and I was meant to understand what that love was to be."

I am surprised I didn't feel any guilt. The moment just was. A new chapter of life reintroducing old characters, with no harm toward those we've left behind.

Four good friends, shared many a wonderful moments. Some moments contained laughter, some contained love. But, there was one particular time, that the moment that was shared was so profoundly special, that they each tried to capture it.

Amy pulled out her camera and tried to capture it in black and white. She loved seeing the contrasts in that particular moment and all of the shades of gray in between. That was how she would always remember it, many years from now, looking at that photo, framed and always kept on the main wall of all of her future dwellings.

Brenda always carried her pencils and charcoals on hand for moments just like this. She put the moment to paper. A moment like this deserved the paper of the finest sort. She wept when she was finished, she not only captured the moment perfectly, she captured perhaps the most perfect moment of her life.

Carly's form of choice was to distill the moment down to its purest poetic form. As the feelings of the moment translated into verse, she found that she captured the moment into a sonnet. A sonnet had never come together so quickly and beautifully before. She knew down to the core of her being, she would never compose a sonnet so effortlessly again.

Doug took in the moment in his mind, and took in his very best friends as they went to capture the moment before it fled. He took in how Amy studied the moment to get the perfect shot; she was so beautiful when she held that seriousness. He took in Brenda as she whirled her pencils over the paper; her wilds were always set free when she was drawing anything. He took in Carly penning her sonnet; she always seemed more alluring when she was lost in capturing verse. Doug wanted to capture it in a different way, but for him, the moment contained his friends trying to capture it perfectly as much as the part of the moment being captured by them. So he instead tucked it into his heart, the entirety of the moment and what followed after.

Four friends captured a special moment shared, each in their own way. Four friends marveled as to each other's technique of capturing the moment. Four friends continued to live and laugh and love, another special moment cementing their friendship further.