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I am blessed
I go back and read my words a lot
and think about the reflection they might make
it's hard to say just what I think of myself
but I know that I am more than heartache
I write about confusion
about decision making
about the pain that comes when doors are closed for you
I write about my life
and about others that I know
and still others that do not exist,
but that you might relate to
I am not miserable
I am grateful for my life
I believe that God has saved me from the evil of mankind
I am by no means perfect
and I still have (real) bad days
but despite the pain in my words
my life is pretty great.
I am blessed with a family who knows me and is true
in their affection and so I honor them
the best I can
I am blessed with a job that I find fulfilling
despite being incredibly frustrating
I am blessed with the ability to think abstractly and write.
I am blessed with youth and strength
even though I feel myself aging
I am blessed with pain and heartache
that I might recognize when I'm happy
I want to be healthy
kind, understanding
funny, smart, wealthy and wise
I want to raise a family
and work on my whole being
to develop the part of the world that I walk on
and treat it as though it were mine.
Misunderstandings
Sometimes I feel like I’m speaking a different language. Something rhythmically obscure off a planet, around the corner from the milky way.
To be misunderstood, misinterpreted
and misplaced
can feel so lonely.
Still I move forward with over explanations, and overextending my hand to whoever wants to grasp it.
My soul moves to a ballad of linear percussionists, steady on beat.
My voice is more of a cliche metaphor in the middle of a beautiful book that throws you back to reality. Beating that dead horse repeatedly until It breaks.
That sound
There's something about it. That sound, that medley of word and tune. All of a sudden, my fingers tap, my blood rushes and my body begs to be allowed to dance. Within me, some skilled weaver of movement gives spirited twists and turns and sways in utter awe as they are taken over. I sit as still as I can if I am surrounded but when alone, safe, you will never see a freer being. It holds me tight, embraces me with its familiarity, with its passion, with its beauty and lets me know once again that it will be okay. There's nothing more I've wanted, and forever will I be grateful to the gods who allow such divinity to be expressed by the mortals too. Even they, in their ivory towers, can't help but nod along in resignation. Too much power is given to the creators of this art, a blessed gift to help so many breathe anew.
This Bliss
The world warms me as it welcomes me this morning, even as the frost forms from my exhaled breath as I glide to my familiar seat on the outside patio.
The radiance in my smile electrifies the frigid air that envelopes me; the hum of civilization buzzes fresh and distinct, engines purring, songbirds squawking, the frazzled housewife in her familiar herding of offspring even finds a fondness in my heart.
Tonight we will meet again, and you will brave me into another tomorrow then, and there is nothing I can't win, and I promise you this, I won't diss this bliss.
Where
It is calming, looking at the bamboo swaying along with the wind, sound of nothing but the nature speaking to the soul, overshadowing the tension gnawing at the back of head. Here, under the gray sky, despite of the storm brewing ahead, there is a sense of ease and completeness in being with no one but myself. Let the hidden world be my company.
...brokenness...
You know that state of feeling broken?
Breathing and living but something seems wrong and you're not exactly sure what?
Thinking you should probably ask for help but you're not sure there's a person on Earth who can understand or know how to assist?
Not wanting to worry others...?
or bother them...?
or burden them...?
You're too empathetic, perhaps.
Feeling feelings when you'd rather not?
Too weak to ignore the voices?
The pulling?
The heart aching?
Muttering 'Help me' to God every other second of the day?
You want to be okay...
You just want to be okay...
So you smile.
You stay kind.
You keep worries in the back of your mind.
But they try to escape.
And, eventually, they do get out, don't they?
They hack their way straight through your heart, leaving you
...broken...
But you don't want to be broken, do you?
You're thankful for God's blessings big and small, right?
You know that, in the end, it will all work out.
It'll all be good.
So you keep going?
Keep pushing?
Keep helping?
Keep loving?
Keep growing?
Keep floating?
Keep holding together on the outside though, on the inside, you're broken?
No?
Oh.
...maybe it's just me.
:)