Walked in the park,

Do exercise, no less.

Saw the old guy,

His Xiangqi* board set up,

But no one to play with.

Haven’t played for a long time ,

But was best in school , from us five.

The guy thinks he has a tumor,

The way he’s surprised to see me,

The foreign ape,

But I challenge him.

Quickly we are surrounded by others,

Who want to see how badly I fail;

You don’t see a fat laowai**,

Playing xiangqi in the park everyday.

The guys hiss and jibber.

They prod, and explain, and smirk.

But I don’t listen, I’m in the game,

I’m focused,

I’m going to do it!

This is it.

Move my catapult to the forward line,

Mate in three?

Actually mate in one,

The guy laid a trap and I didn’t even see.

Can’t blame anyone, but myself.

Wasn’t much of a challenge.

He crushed me three more times.

At least when I was leaving,

He had a pick of whom to play with next.

*xiangqi- a Chinese boardgame, not very different from chess.

**laowai- semi- derogatory word for foreigner. Mostly of Caucasian appearance.

startled, a past memory

stampeded my present

into a falling trajectory

to an already doubted future

02/12/2019

When I was young, I was dumb.

When I got old, I got slow.

When I was at my peak physique, no one would have me.

When I was as low as I could go, everyone was so friendly.

Youth is not wasted on the naive adolescent; nor wisdom on the grizzled vet.

Life is wasted on people who can’t imagine today could be their best day yet.

Last night as I lay in bed drifting off to sleep, I decided to make a wish.

I asked a tiny point of light, if she might come and visit me tonight,

And if she did, could she please take me for a ride?

At a quarter past the hour of three, I awoke to a creak at my window sill.

I clutched my blanket tight, imagining some frightful thing with claws and fangs,

I was releaved instead to find it was my friend.

I said with excitement, “I’m so glad you came!”

She said in voice as warm as a candle’s glow:

“I had no where else to be tonight, except at home alone.”

“Can I come with you?” I asked her fervently, but to my dismay she declined.

“I’m sorry, but you should rest your weary head. Tommorrow is a very big day.”

Then she smiled, bent and kissed my forehead, twinkled my nose and flew away.

For if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be me.

Openly I admit, I wouldn't have made it without you.

Universally we are insignificant, but you make me feel like the center of yours.

Routinely I forget to tell you that you are the center of mine.

Tangentially, I just wanted to say that I am sorry.

Earnestly, I did not mean to make you feel that way.

Emotions are like waves, they can carry you safetly to shore or pull you under.

No one ever taught me how to navigate this sea.

Together we are more than the sum of our parts.

How did we make something so precious from nothing?

I think I got very lucky,

Never have I ever felt so complete.

Good things sometimes do come to those who wait,

Suddenly, you were there for me forever. ♡∞

I used to see different versions of you almost every time I left my house. Sometimes you were in the supermarket buying squash. Sometimes you were in the park walking your little dog. Sometimes you had red hair, sometimes you had tattoos, sometimes you were short and wore glasses, other times you were tall and had on a lovely yellow sundress.

Everytime I left my house, even if it was just to buy a gallon of milk, I always saw some version of you. I saw you and you pretended to not see me and in my mind’s eye we met, fell in love and grew old together. Sometimes I fell in love and grew old several times in one outing. Running errands was exhausting.

I’m writing you now to let you know, I’m glad we never met. There’s someone else now and she’s nothing like you and everything I ever needed. We met, fell in love and are growing old together.

I am the greatest villain the world has ever known. I‘ve never done anything to anyone; at least nothing that can be pinned on me. I get others to do terrible things on my behalf.

I make promises that I will not keep and then tell the people I’ve lied to that it’s their fault that I didn’t keep my word.

I sit on mountains of gold, quote archaic words from long dead strangers and convince as many people as I can that I’m the only one who knows the truth.

Four fifths of the world loves me and the rest just wish I didn’t exist.

By now you’ve probably guessed one of my many names. If you haven’t, I pray you don’t because I want prey on you.

Butterfly wings are fragile.

If touched, they lose scales and may never fly again.

Human hearts are fragiler still.

If not touched, they may never fly.

If touched, however, a piece of you will forever be a part of it.