Is it laughable, how I’m still clinging on, still hanging on to what’s already fallen?Pathetically and desperately clinging on air.

Is it laughable?

Do you mock me?

(I do. Every single time.)

the posts i saw were terrifying

rushing cold blood through warm skin

referencing your lonely intentions

i didn’t know where to begin

you brought up thoughts to hurt yourself

something that i, no one, takes lightly

i stared at my phone in disbelief

the dark room had it shine out brightly

and i began to type some broken words

of broken sentences that made no sense

but the same “i love you’s” rolled around

you are one of my best friends

and i sat there waiting for a response

ten minutes at that screen, i just stared

and you sent smiling faces back

cause you just wanted to see who cared

you just felt bored and curious

you never would think those things

you never knew how much stress it would cause

for everyone, especially me

but now i can’t shake that thought

it’s just not a thing stable people say

but if it’s true, and you did it for attention,

that’s something awful i can’t think away

just talk to me normally, not on instagram

where people can mess with your mind

it feels as if i need a lie detector now

when i ask you if you’re fine

***

I avoid churches like the plague.

It’s not that I think

I’d combust upon entry;

it’s more that,

with every step,

I’d hear the echo of my presence

ring hollow down the aisles—

***

#poetry

#atheism

#agnosticism

#religion

#church

#excatholic

Sadness is a vine.

It sprouts from the seed

in my lips, dives off the

edge of my cheeks, lands

like a cat outside the bar

stumbles down the street

through a dolorous rain;

a poet in dress alone, off

to look for a light.

Momma told me I wanted to save the whole world, so I did.

I put my whole existence to the side for some time just to help the ones who didnt even want it.

After all that time I gave to the world, it spit right back in my face.

Why should caring even matter when nobody cares at all?

Its a world gone cold, its a world gone dark.

We can make it til we're 80 but we'll never be happy.

My future self is watching me right now through a memory.

I wonder if she's laughing her heads off

Or

Still crying for my stupidity.

I hope it's the former.

Um, while I've got your attention,

there's something I forgot to mention.

When I was gone on vacation –

and this is not an accusation –

someone altered the bathroom scale.

I weigh one-thirty-three, without fail.

But since I've been home, it's one-forty-three.

I don't know how that could possibly be!

What? Gravity got stronger? It's adding weight?

That explains it. Thank you for setting me straight.