When I told you I loved you with all my heart,

perhaps you never understood.

My heart is like a magnificent skyscraper and every story was lit like a fancy casino,

glamorously shimmering from its hundreds of windows.

I made sure it was always lit from your view.

Though, I have a confession to make:

It was very rarely that my light was strong enough to hold by itself.

In fact, the lights would shut down more often than I’d have liked to admit to you, or anyone else.

No, the lights were nearly broken and not even a backup generator could hold such a behemoth of a building, and so I would panic.

I panicked and did my best to light it for you because you deserved the prettiest view.

I brought candles.

Thousands upon thousands would illuminate the rooms just bright enough for you to look up at the windows and smile because they were shining and you imagined a place as beautiful as it once was.

Though it wasn’t any longer.

The candles on the first floors would melt and burn out while I’d sprint up the stairs to carry more to the middle floors. My flames were burning faster than I could run, my lungs wanted to give out trying, bursting and frazzling like my lighter (which, it too, needed replacing). I was so carried away, caught in the motions of burning and burnouts that I would trip up the steps and injure myself. I cried as I spilled hot wax down my hands, my arms, and I would peek through my windows with tears, noticing the days you no longer looked up at them. I tried even harder to light the place; I brought bigger candles, maybe they’d hold longer, maybe I could have had more time. You looked up now and again and I felt like maybe you’d finally understood. Then you left and, well, I realized you never knew how hard it is to keep the lights on.

I let them burn out for good.

I keep hesitating, hovering my match over a few candles, wondering if it’s worth pretending my love is still easy. I’ve tossed my old light bulbs out the windows just to see them shatter. I thought maybe if you’d walk by and see the broken glass, you’d want to know for yourself and see what I put myself through.

Yet, all you did was ignore the sounds of the glass smashing against the concrete, the sounds of my shoes rubbing the shards into the pavement, and me.

I still light a few candles here and there, but after a few hours, I have the urge to put them out again so I drown it all in buckets of water.

My heart is a mess, and I wish now that instead of just looking up at the illumination, you would have wanted to be involved, and that you would have taken the time to gander inside the building for a change. Why did you never do that for me?

A long, long journey of life

Has just begun

The newborn baby

Slept soundly in her crib

Unaware of the world around her

She knew nothing

Of the difficulties and challenges

This world will bring.

In the future,

many will break her heart

Many will betray her trust

Many will insult her intellect,

She will spend many nights crying

She will spend many nights angry

And many nights laughing

But she will always be loved

Of course, she knew none of this

She just slept peacefully in her crib

Blissfully ignorant of the world

And all its troubles

Innocence in its purest form

I must now prepare her

For the long, long journey ahead

Good night, little one

You will always be loved

#longjourney

How dare you

Crawl back into her life

Like a feral cat

On a stoop

Broken and dirty

Yet irresistible.

The thought has turned to ash in my mouth

I spit these words

Tears and ash make ink

Upon which I write words

you will never see.

How dare you

Have more of a hold on her heart

Than my hands did around her body

I'm grasping at air now

Fighting to breathe.

How dare you

Make me worry about her

When thoughts meet fears

The semblance of understanding

Stifles the desire

The feeling more fleeting

Than our short affair

I dare you

To treat her with respect

To love her like I would have

If given the chance.

And when you break her

I will accept her

Crawling back into my life

Like a feral cat

Broken and dirty

Yet irresistible.

everyone wants to build walls around the little girl that dreams big

she dreamt of a million chances and oppurtunities

she fantasized about who she would become and the places she would go

she dreamt of her parents who broke past the wall and put their own 

dreams on hold in order for her to flourish 

and how much she just wanted to make them proud 

But as a little girl nobody ever told her that coming from behind the wall 

would limit her dreams and disparage her hopes

nobody told her that she would need permission to live

this little girl just wants to thrive off of this nations fruit and bounty

but being from behind the wall makes her an outcast 

it makes the nation scared of her scared of the little girl that dreams of a better future

scared that she'll take away when all she wants to do is give so they build walls around her walls 300 feet high so not even her spirit can get in and 300 feet deep so her corpse cant crawl in

"GIVE HER FREEDOM!" her people yell but the voices behind the wall are never heard

My heart is my own, and because of that I can pretend I don't have one. Now here's the thing, I don't have a sad story to tell. My heart is still in one piece. I don't have a broken heart, because I haven't given it away yet. I have not met the person to whom which I want to give my heart. This is a blessing because I know that it is bliss to be free, and an accursed free-ness it is. I look at happy couples and think to myself: They are happy. I wish I could sit in companionable silence with my arm around the shoulders of the girl I love. But I am too cowardly to put myself out there. I am too shy to admit that I might like a girl, let alone ask her on a date. At the very same time I am terribly afraid of the day when I do find love, the day I have heard horror stories about because it inevitably leads to a heart break. Or so I've been told. And this terrifies the sensitive, shy, and slightly timid me that hides behind the wall of humor, puns and general tough facade that makes up a greater part of me.

C.G.

Dear Reality,

I'm tired of living this way. Living through all this pain and suffering. You've offered me nothing but endless suffering, endless drama, endless loss, endless stress, endless fears, endless tears, and endless heart break. You've given me nothing but misery. So much misery that I don't want to live this life anymore!

I guess my question to you is why? Why allow me to suffer? Why give me people who only bully and discourage me? Why do you introduce me to love ones just to take them away later on? Why welcome stress into my life? Why fill this world with fear at every corner? Why do you allow my heart to easily fall in love with another just so it could be shattered over and over again? And why do you allow me to be alone, suffering from severe depression and producing endless tears instead of sending someone to comfort me? Someone to save me?

Save your words! Your words are nothing but lies. Lies that give me false hope. Lies that constantly bring me down. Lies that always feel like a dagger being jammed into my back. And lies that always leave my heart shattered because I made the huge mistake of believing and trusting you.

I'm done with you. And I'm done with your false benefits. I hope we never cross paths in the later future.

Sincerely

S.W Blossom

I don't need to be told when it's raining

I feel it on my skin

I hear the drops hit the ground

I see the world washed clean

But when I am told it's raining

It makes me smile

I don't need to be told when it's spring

I feel the sweet warm air

I hear the birds chirping

I see the flowers blossom

But when I'm told it's spring

I get excited

I don't need to be told when you love me

I feel it when you hold me close 

I hear it in your voice

I see it in how you care for me

But when I'm told you love me

My heart breaks

I want to be that girl that every guy dreams about.

The one that puts all guys senses to doubt.

I wanna be the heart breaker no guy can get over

I'm lost in the cracks. No one can love me.

Good friend, good lover, good person

I help all the people but myself.

I just want to be someones dream girl.

I wanna make at least one guy's world.

I don't know how they do it

I'm told i'm just too perfect.

Perfect advice, perfect friend

Perfect one night stand.

I can tell you how to get her back,

Push my feelings aside and give damn good advice

But when it comes to my life its a wreck

You'll always remember me.

Not as the girl of your dreams.

But as a good friend it will seem.

I'll never be remembered as one man's true love.

I'm just a message in a bottle.

A dove in the wind.

Shooting cupid's arrow.

Just to be called a good friend

Have you ever spent months crying over someone, only to have them come back to you out of the blue? I have. I've spent the past several months crying over someone who became a ghost to me. He haunted me in my dreams, in my walking life. I never thought I'd see him again, only to be proved wrong.

I realized he never really gave a damn about me. Maybe somewhat he cared, but it wasn't good for me. To love him. To wait for him. To say it's ok, come back whenever you want.

So I saw him after four months of silence, and then I gave him a pretty little letter. I left it in the middle of the night for him to find. And then I walked away.

The funny thing is that I have no energy to even cry. I just wave my hand and let him go. I can't make him stay or make him love me. So I wave. Bye now. I'm relieved. The feeling coming over me, I know that better days are ahead.

I'm so relieved that it's finally over.

Phew.

I was the disease that you never wanted,

I played games with your heart,

Whenever you looked into my eyes,

You couldn't handle the rush of emotions,

The feeling of falling,

Not knowing if I would be there to pick you up,

You played the role of gun and bullet,

Out to kill the disease that was aching at your heart,

Knowing that the disease is what you wanted,

But the pride is the bigger enemy to love,

Love would mean letting go,

Twirling out of control,

The shivers and shakes,

The withdrawals,

The heart breaking when you weren't with me,

Was all but the disease eating at you

And you turned your back,

Walked away and killed the disease

With the bullet with words of lies,

Because I was the disease you wanted all along.

(C) 2015 Echoic JAnn