When I hear summer, I think, home.

When I think summer, I relate to being in the truck, windows down, hair in the wind.

When I see summer, I see winking against the sun through my sunglasses in a tank top.

When I feel summer, I feel the blistering sun, bright and energetic, urging me to get up and run free.

When I remember summer, I remember lazy days on the porch, playing at the lake, getting thrown in the water, reading or drawing in my hammock.

When I want summer, I ache for the seasons to change, to feel free again and remember how much summer means to me.

When I need summer, I look through my best memories to remind myself summer will be here again, soon.

Summer, when life erupts into a glorious sky.

Peter Pan, where's your shadow?

You're drifting through the sky

Flying dreams and faded beings

It's lonely without you tonight

Tinkering with pixie dust

"Just believe" they say

It's not enough for you

"I'm just too old to play"

Silent adventures, then break to facts

Neverland's not a home

Finding family in Wendy, Darling

The realms aren't ours to roam

Stay with them for now til end

Bleeding that childhood of mine

Lost boys like us exist no more

Grow up and leave your fear behind

I touch you

                    Like I did

                               When you were 5

    And your parents ignored you

And I was the only thing

   That was permanent 

      To you

Like I did when you were 3

      And couldn't stop crying

Because your dog died

      And you thought it was your fault

But you-

               You don't believe in me anymore

And you ignore me

When I tried to talk to you

                                 Yesterday                                    

              You screamed

"Shut up!"

   And asked

           If you were going insane

But you're wrong

                It's me who's going insane

Because I thought you needed me

                                                                                                           And now you don't

But I still need you

                                                                                                             Since without you

I wouldn't have existed

Take responsibility

              Play with me forever

                                                        Please

                                                  I don't want you to grow up

And forget me

                                                                                                              Like all the others

Come back to me

You

        You're

                 The only one

Who'd play with me

                                And once 

                                               I was the only one you'd play with

But now

                                                                                                            You don't need me

You

                                                                                                               Leave me behind

You've

                                                                                                               Thrown me away

And

       I fade-

Come-

          Back...

No...

I sit in class listening to the nonsense I am being taught. I'm wasting my precious life here in a classroom learning about something that I'll easily forget.

Then it hits me. My life. I'm wasting it. I'm breathing for no reason. There's no point. It's all useless. Everything that I do is pointless. Just like my existence. I can't breathe. I'm on the floor curled up in the fetal position trying to return to my original state. I'm choking on the air that once helped me breathe.

I hate everything. I don't want to be here. I don't want to live in this world. It's pointless. I'm pointless. I don't deserve to matter. I don't deserve the attention I'm getting. I want to die.

Black.

I'm breathing again in a hospital room. I look at everyone in the room. The mirror was the only one that caught my eye. I looked healthy, but I was sick.

I was still alive and yet I constantly felt like dying. My heart melted along with my happiness. Nothing tied me here except my human body. My existence tied me here.

I want to believe I matter.

But do I actually matter?

No.

Can you please turn off the television?

Why are those radios so loud?

The buzzing in my head never stops.

In the hallways of my high school,

People's faces are staring at me. Cruel and judging. Laughter and jeering.

The teacher's voices just stirred into the mix. I try to listen. Sometimes I can, and sometimes I just drift away.

Lights are loud and glaring. Colors too bright. Stationary objects move.

I can see the atomic structure of things! All is energy and movement. Angels and demons are hidden only to those who can not see. I see them!

I retreat into myself.

Hours lost in the chaos of my mind.

In my room are crucifixes, pictures of Jesus and scriptures written out large. Protection from the edge. Shields against the onslaught of the enemy.

Whispers and crawling things tell me to hurt myself, and I do. They tell me to kill myself, and I want to. But God Himself tells me I must stay, so I do.

Let go! Let me breathe! 

My terror and my anger seethe

Beneath the surface, no reprieve

To look at me, you wouldn't believe

    That I'm broken

        Destined to grieve.

Please relax! Unclench your fist!

Every muscle inside me twists

I'll never reach the end of my list

Of things to do, you get the gist

    I beg forgiveness

        For all I've missed.

No, don't start! Please don't cry!

Why can't I learn to say goodbye?

Should I fall to pieces or live a lie?

Tempted to give up and get high

    I'll never make it

        As hard as I try.

Calm yourself! Get a grip!

Hands shaking with my bottom lip

Breathe in deep and screw on the tip

Let it out while into ink I dip

    My art, my life

        My reality slip.

Completely overwhelmed

Drowning in sound

Every conversation

Stands out too loud

Voices fighting voices

Can't quiet the crowd

Heart beats too fast

And I keep my head down

Try to make my way

To the check out

The people in line

All wear a frown

Their faces are mocking

I want to shutdown

The girl says next

And it's my turn now

My palms are so sweaty

As time melts around

The counter and things

In the background

She's got my bags

But I can't find ground

Have a nice day

And I'm breaking down

Bolt for the door

And I'm finally out

The air hits my lungs

And I'm finally found

It’s Friday, a day when there is definitely nothing else of importance happening in the world. Not today. It’s all about Prose today. So let’s roll out the fabulous Feature Friday thang and get our noses into someone else’s business. We head for beautiful Scotland this week to meet and drink whisky with a bonnie wee lassie (and other lazy stereotypical imagery). Ladies, Gentlemen and those in between, meet @JayChimera

P: What, prey tell, is your name, Proser?

J: My name is Jackie but I do prefer Jay. My real full name has always bothered me. My Proser name is JayChimera. Not like the Greek mythical fire breathing beast. More like an illusion or a fabrication of the mind.

P: Where do you live?

J: I live in the centre of Edinburgh in Scotland in the U.K. (The Athens of the North) It's a very pretty city, there's so much history, a big castle and home to the Fringe festival which is the largest arts festival in the world.

P: What is your occupation?

J: I am an assistant manager/supervisor in a hotel/restaurant in the centre of Edinburgh. I look after guests as they arrive for breakfast and supply them with lots of tea and coffee. I have been in the hospitality industry for the best part of ten years now. I'm a qualified chef too.

P: What is your relationship with writing and how has it evolved?

J: Well, the first time I ever put pen to paper was when I was 14 years old. It was a dark time in my life and I spent a lot of it on my own. I had to express myself, to let go of all my anger. So I would write. There's always been a dark emotional element to my writing, really deep and personal. I found that words can be an escape and can be used as a good therapy tool. Growing up, I knew I always wanted to write and to this day I'm still working on the relationship between me and words. I'm still improving myself as a writer.

P: What value does reading add to both your personal and professional life?

J: For me, reading was never really my strong point. But over the past few years I've gained an understanding that reading is essential for a writer. Reading other works by similar authors and especially other Prosers has gave me so much inspiration and also motivation too. As a hobby I read about the Buddhist culture and mindfulness which I have read about for many years now. This helps me gain a healthy perspective on life and think about how writing is my path to a happy and healthy future.

P: Can you describe your current and future literary ventures?

J: So, right now I am trying to write every day. A hectic work schedule can mentally drain me so writing some days can be a struggle. Currently writing some poetry for an open mic competition I could be competing in at the end of the month and starting to get the ball rolling on my homemade project and self-publish my own poetry. An idea for a novel is brewing but idle in my mind and I'm keeping an eye out for those prose challenges.

P: What do you love about Prose?

J: The Prosers are an incredible bunch of people. I've never felt more accepted and honoured to be part of a writing community that doesn't judge or hate. It's a beautiful place to be and for that I am truly grateful for the creators and the work they've put into making this a wonderful place.

P: Is there one book that you would recommend everybody should read before they die?

J: This is quite tough. It's either Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig or Love is Not Enough by Tom Weaver. Matt's book is about the struggles with depression and anxiety but it's light-hearted and can help a person understand what it's like for another person to deal with these kind of situations. As dealing with these situations myself it's a very important book in my life. Tom's book is one that isn't sitting on a shelf in Waterstones but rather a small book of song lyrics and spoken word full of heartbreak and anger. He is the lead singer of a band called Casey and has been a big inspiration to me. His first song Hell was astoundingly beautiful. At the time of it's release I found myself heartbroken and stumped for words to express the way I felt. As soon as I heard that song I was floored. The way he writes is emotionally moving and still he continues to impress and inspire me.

P: Do you have an unsung hero who got you into reading and/or writing?

J: Not particularly. I'm the writer of the family and hadn't ever looked up to any type of writer or idol when I was younger. My words were mine and I had always been proud of that. My muses are the people in and out of my life, my heart and my own mind.

P: Describe yourself in three words!

J: Reserved, mindful, lonely.

P: Is there one quote, from a writer or otherwise, that sums you up?

J: This doesn't necessarily sum me up but it's my favourite quote by the Buddha himself.

"We are shaped by our thoughts, we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves."

P: Favourite music to write and/or read to?

J: I have a few artists that are so inspiring.

Ludovico Einaudi - A pianist. A modern twist on classical music.

Slow Meadow - Incredible instrumental music, orchestra, violin, piano. I recommend you just sit back and listen.

I listen to a lot of meditation/ambient/chillout music which can help your mind, body and soul relax which leads to a better outcome when writing.

Music is a massive part of my life. I'm a bit of a hardcore emo kid if you will. Heavy rock and metal is my go to for when I feel the need to let go. Most people don't know it but when those men jump around on a stage and scream into a microphone they are exposing their deepest self. Their souls are laid bare within their words and their minds are just like any other writers. Their art is music and when they write it is as much as a part of the listener as it is them. A lot of my inspiration comes from lyrics and emotional guitars.

P: You climb out of a time machine into a dystopian future with no books. What do you tell them?

J: Take this pen and this piece of paper.

How do you feel? Write it down. Write from the heart. Write about what's real.

P: Do you have a local Indie Bookstore we could approach for our ongoing feature?

J: I live five minutes from the Scottish Poetry Library in the centre of Edinburgh. It's such a niche little place and is full of wonderful poetry books by old and new authors. They have event nights which can see published writers and non-published writers come together to listen to spoken word or poetry. They hold evenings where you can speak to published authors about their work, classes on writing your own poetry. They sometimes have live music, free wine and local poets mic nights. At the moment they are getting ready to celebrate burns night where writers will come together to celebrate the works of Robert Burns.

P: Is there anything else you’d like us to know about you/your work/social media accounts?

J: I promote my work on twitter. @JayChimeraWrite

Peace and love. X

Awesome stuff, once again. Thanks to JayChimera for her answers. You know what happens now. Follow her, interact, like and all that business. Do YOU want to be featured? Do you want to find out about another Proser and wish to volunteer them? Then send us a message on info@theprose.com

duckling

suckling

honeysuckle

tubular

creamer

webbed

duckwalk

waddle

duckweed

feed

quack

cracker

wafer

spoon-feed

sunflower seed

gerbera daisy

gerber baby

learning how-to fly;

learning how-to comply;

tadpole pool

bluegill

duckbill

coy

coquettish

flourish

milky

snowy

doughy

coloring

pure

sure

feather

weather

rain showers

rainbow downers

umbrage umbrellas

imperfection

reflection

buoyancy

beauty

aqueduct

duck

sluice

reminisce

summer

solstice

swan song

swan lake

remake

(K.M.M.)