It’s Complicated
It’s Complicated
June 24, 2024
“He called today!”
“Who? Bryan or Walt?”
“Who is Bryan? Samuel called me.”
“Who is Samuel? Is he the banker?
“No, that was Noah. Samuel is the real estate agent.”
“I thought Randolph was the real estate agent.”
“He is. He actually works with Mark.”
“Who is Mark?”
“Mark is the brother of David. I met both of them at the gym. They were doing a podcast on weight lifting.”
“So you like Mark?”
“Eww! No! Mark looks hot, but I think he is gay. He was getting too close spotting for some of the regulars there.”
“So, what about David?”
“David is cute and all, but he is broke. He lives with his mother with no hope of ever changing.”
“So, David is out.”
“Mmmm. He is now.”
“What did you do?”
“I gave David a thrill, he gave me a reason to go to a clinic. The hookup was great, the lab test was awful. In the end, I was OK, David was not OK. Fortunately, that was when I met Dr. Chad?”
“Are you serious? Dr. Chad?”
“Dr. Chad is perfect in every way, except one.”
“Married?”
“Married.”
“So who is next on the list?”
“Aaron.”
“Who is Aaron?
“Aaron is an Mennonite farm boy, actually he is 18, on what he calls rumspringa.”
“When did Aaron turn 18 and what is your part in his rumspringa?”
“Yesterday and deflowering. It was a birthday gift.”
“When did this happen?”
“In our shared cab, on the ride from the clinic to the grocery store. He looked confused before. He no longer looks confused.”
“You are a slut.”
“I didn’t finish my story.”
“Details! I want details.”
“At the grocery store, I ran into, literally with my cart, Bryan. This is another Bryan. You don’t know him. Anyway, I must have had bed hair as he read the room. He is a strange man and likes to have an audience.”
“You performed with Bryan just after Aaron?”
“Actually, the audience was Walt, the one I told you about.”
“So how does this work? Are you taken? Is it just friends with benefits? Or is this something more?
“Obviously something more. Walt asked me out while watching. I don’t think Bryan saw what I saw, but I wouldn’t put it past the two if they set me up for something wild.”
“If you had to make a choice, who would it be?”
“I have to go with Carl.”
“Who is Carl?”
“He is the manager of the grocery store and rich. That trumps the kink of both Bryan and Walt any day of the week.”
“But what if Bryan or Walt or Aaron or any of the others want you back or just want you? What will you say?”
“Most likely, yes.”
Paid in Full
Paid in Full
June 23, 2024
She set the date
She bought the gown
She booked the church
She designed the invitations
She created the Facebook page for the event
She registered at a variety of stores and websites
She reserved the plane tickets and hotel in Maui
She paid the caterer and staff
She made sure to tip the minister in advance
Everyone and everything is bought and paid for
Just one person missing
Forgiveness
I would give you a fistful of roses, no thorns, the kiss of ten thousand fireflies in the dark, a rain cloud that persists but doesn’t shed a drop.
I would ask you what about me was so repulsive, you drove away in the stick shift you don’t know how to drive in. Quickly, like a dust storm was about to hit Oklahoma.
I would crack an egg into the cake of your consciousness, swirl the icing around it like a salsa dance twist. Add cream, cover it in sprinkles. Make like a mixer and destroy the streaks of flour intertwined amongst the batter.
We were once perfect.
I would ask you what about me made you leave so suddenly, a strike of lightning on a golf club’s metal, held up out of spite to our friendship, to our twin-like personalities, in the name of - what, exactly?
I would ask if it was my past, if it bit you like a pit bull without the training to erase its natural violent urges.
I would make my past somehow make sense to you, a face-up penny, make a wish, throw it in a fountain. Even though now there are rules against that.
We were once the splash that follows a wave crashing down, angry and loud. Our voices like one in a vacuum, sucked in by the black hole of togetherness. We were friends - or as they say, we had the same enemies. That’s middle school
for you.
I would make it appropriate to hug someone lost a long time ago. I almost want to apologize for our government, the way things are now. It wasn’t like this, not when we were innocent.
I would make my past add up evenly, a straight flush, a game of cards you can always win at. Not that you deserve it.
You don’t deserve forgiveness, but I’ll grant you that small mercy, as the wasp sees the human, and decides to keep its stinger.
You don’t deserve forgiveness, and it will be like a phone and ring repeatedly, going straight to voicemail, a blocked number you can’t remember ever dialing to begin with.
We were once young, ethereal, a smoke signal you can see for miles.
Now we are ashes, dust, an 80’s theme song, forgotten and bitter for being gone.
waiting words
you ask for my forgiveness
as if it’s yours to take
to pull and drag out from my bones
to peel from underneath my skin
but my forgiveness is a privilege
a choice that’s all my own
you don’t get to take it
asking from your imaginary throne
there may come a time I give it
willingly and free
but right now my forgiveness
is not yet yours to have
I keep it still and silent
sitting underneath my tongue
the words will stay there waiting
until their time has come
Not Today, Maybe Someday.
If you're asking me to forgive you today, it's not going to happen. What you did was too big, too hurtful, and too reckless to just move past. But you mean something to me. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say that your apology is not just out of guilt and shame; that you've come to me looking for forgiveness because I mean something to you too. I can't say for certain that I'll ever forgive what you did. All I can say is, maybe someday. That'll have to be enough.