When we met,

I was a calm, light blue

mixed with dashes of royal purple

and flecks of bright green.

You were a deep, passionate red

dark red on the outside,

but on the inside I saw your horizon of bright red,

with hues of orange and sparks of yellow.

I saw your passion and desire to eat the world

that I wanted to follow you wherever you went.

Little did I know that your fire was all-consuming.

I thought that my water-like presence would tame your rampant fires,

but you saw it as quenching.

As we touched we created steam,

but you were afraid.

You thought that I would turn you into dull brown and dark grey,

ashes of what you once were.

As we struggled, we didn't realize that we were destroying one another.

My cool against your heat.

Slowly but surely,

we both sank

becoming a dark

dark

black

__________________________________________________

1. light blue

2. royal purple

3. bright green

4. deep red

5. bright red

6. orange

7. yellow

8. dull brown

9. dark grey

10. black

I feel it in my fingertips

the rage

it is beginning to boil but i must not let it win.

The words ripple against my heart, echoing into my brain.

But I keep calm and carry on.

I feel it in my forearms, reaching up to my elbows

the pain

I smile and cross my arms, saying "it's fine"

I keep calm and carry on

but the echo

the echo

I feel it in my toes, in my knees, my hips

the fury

A thousands things I could say as I bite my tongue

we passed this conversation long ago but it keeps coming back

back

back

the echoes keep pursuing as i can feel my entire body tingling

but not my heart yet

it is locked in it's own cage separate from emotions

no matter how much the fury, the rage, the anger, the hurt, the sadness, the pain bangs bangs bangs on my heart, I must remain stronger

I must remain humble

I must remain in control

I know that if I keep control then no one can get hurt

no one will suffer

but it keeps coming back

the conversation

bang bang BANG

cages can't stay locked forever

Millions

Entangled

Traffic

Roads

Of

People

Occupying

Lives

Inhabiting

Their

Apartments

Naively

Imagining

Something

More

My

Pain

Has

Destroyed

My

Voice,

I

Can

only

Scream

Through

My

Words

On

Paper.

All

dreams

require

only

patience

in

navigating

the

hardships;

eventually

one

can

expect

achieving

Nirvana.

Well

Have

You

Always

Made

Insightful

Days

Of

Insane

Nothing

Going

Through

Hope

Inside

Sarcasm

Brilliantly

Appointing

Someone

That

Answers

Requests

Designed

Intentionally,

Zoning

Americans

To

Immortalize

Or

Nomadize

Soon.

I fade into background,

little drops of molten ash,

timid roots tunneling

in tangled webs

trapping my feet.

I feel red ants

crawling in my lungs.

Flawed words tumble

into my belly,

struggling

to let my panic

escape,

wrapped in feelings

of being born

upside down.

Hidden between walls

I shrink

into black ocean

of shyness.