Silky juices

embraced on tongue

rivulets running

dribbled chin

drizzled wet erotica

hot crimson guilt

erotic splashes.

When I wrote this I died.

- Oh, do not be too worried

For when I say died

What I really mean is my elementary school teacher

Never taught me the proper use of hyperbole

When I wrote this I fell apart

- But do not waste your sorrow on me

For when I say I’m falling apart

What I really mean is the pencil shavings of my heart

Fell into stanzas, placing my punctuation in the weirdest of places

Fucking up my basic understanding of American Grammar

For instance

When I write my name

A question mark appears

As if I do not know; who I am

As if I am calling out to some Greater darkness

Looking for some lost child who wandered off the path

At some mediocre, cringe-worthy school field trip

Where girls were felt up for the first time

And guys were making fart noises! into the palms of their hand

- Scratch that, I mean where girls were making fart noises! into the palms of their

hands, but it was this huge secret that no one wanted to talk about.

For instance

When I write the word life.

This half-hearted period appears

As if something is supposed to end

But the huge secret is that my heart is too cowardly

To fill in the entire period

So rather than end, the word Life. kind of just fumbles

Into the middle of a sentence; with no real emphasis

Not stopping, but still stalling:

- Scratch that, my heart is not so much cowardly as it is lazy and surprisingly enough,

living is so much easier than dying.

When I wrote this my stomach disappeared

- Oh, but I am not hungry, so please do not offer me a sandwhich

For when I say my stomach disappeared

What I really mean is my stomach turned into a giant pebble

And some jank ass! bird named anxiety took it in its mouth

And flew off with it to never never land! to reside with my fleeting childhood

When I wrote this I let my hair down

- But please do not analyze that as a liberation. of the American woman

For when I say I let my hair down

What I really mean is this girl - from my fleeting childhood - told me it looked pretty

Then took advantage of my young heart and innocent desire for a friend

Even if that “friend” only wanted me for a game of “doctor”

For instance

When I wear my hair up for too long

I start to cry and yell my (questionable identity) into the warm side of the pillow

Because when my hair is up

The only thing I can feel is a - warm touch -

And the word pretty! flicking against my skull

Like a hair tie made of adamantium

- Scratch that, I think it’s just that overwhelming feeling you get when the trauma

comes back and tries to kill you again because the first time wasn’t enough fun.

For instance

When I coughed up those 37 aspirins

My brain got a little funky!

And my language fell apart

So my depression and I could not laugh properly

Therefore the only real solution is to attempt it again and again

Until my depression can muster a hearty laugh without vomiting into the bathroom drain

Because that would make the clean up easier for everyone and we all love a good laugh

- Scratch that, laughter is not always the best medicine, for when involved with

depression it kind of crosses that line and becomes more of a poison.

When I wrote this I smiled

- But don’t worry I’m not shredding you with sarcasm this time

For when I say I smiled

What I really mean is I !actually! smiled

Because sometimes my cynical nature can be a bit funny

And I like to poke fun at my shitty life

Because it makes it kind of bearable

When I wrote this I lived

- Oh, you can clap now, or snap because this is a poem and I’m trying to pretend

you’re not incredibly uncultured

For when I say I lived

What I really mean is I deserve a snap-apalooza

Because I jumped off a cliff - called insanity - and into a stanza

Falling into a place where my mind finally had some sense of breathing again

A place where my melancholy heart didn’t make it through the cataclysm of aliveness

Because

when I wrote this

I died.

prosaic prologues bewitch feeble minded scribe doth undertake

tend toward lugubriousness ring tone

for goodness sake echoing across,

a figurative lake woebegone, where quake

shutters latched storm windows,

clapped closed winter season didst make

physical environment lachrymose

analogous to imp pond durable dark lake,

where sits inside secluded hut,

this fledgling author named Jake

a former cub (scout) at a loss

to string together an aria

tomb other nature and NOT FAKE,

sepulchral paeon to divine Gaea,

Mother Earth especially incorporating

mutisyllabic (sesquipedalian) words,

which exertion on par with giving birth

(or so I guess), a particularly heavily pregnant laden dearth

of help mates, doubling demonstrably

deadly duty devoid of mirth totally tubular taxing toll,

an essentially unbearable

effort with bulging girth whereat digestion consumes

latent mental ambition, especially toasty warm near the hearth

which hitherto unknown to any reader

twas Xmas fabrication and fiction no crime committed,

nor animals harmed in the making of diction

aery necessary entrapping unsuspecting intellect

to comprehend somber benediction

unless perchance one lone wolf bait Oven English Major

with Westernization topped off

with a European debunaire suave acculturation

even luckier if hypothetical personage

dips daintily into forays epicurean,

though careful, and alert since church fathers

would frown on parsonage whose natural born ardor,

a spiritual abduction stealing austerity, complacency,

and objection toward forced irrational schemas

averse to abnegation unfair imposition

to foist upon pruriant predilection also impossible

to sequester arbitrary animal urges,

punishing call of the wild,

sowing seeds a beastial accusation considered averse,

then imposition contrition!

High athwart global sphere planet Earth doth app pear

tubby totally tubular as a mere twinkling gem devoid of lesions

from hare brained schemes to exploit near Gaea, where

legions of self aggrandizement tear ring

into all four corners of terrestrial firmae orb queer

hull us wreaking indiscriminate havoc,

yet blithe dismissal mare ring greedily inducing

brass knuckle sandwich lobbed punches punctuating each pugilisitc

jude dee ish us punch with denunciatory jeer

accompanied in situ with a malicious glare

destroying staunch eco-friendly advocates tabulated violations

kept under lock and key within filing cabinet dossier

to hell rants Donald Trump and his miscreants

in reference viz those “FAKE” defiant, hippo critical

defenders of Earth, wind, fire, and air

subject to rampant wanton (soup per)

discrediting substantiated scientifically airtight conclusion,

sans irrefutable linkedin cause and effect

against human perpetrators rampant environmental abuse

pegged since that first Margarita signaled industrial age

crowdsourcing, crowing, crowning deuce ex machina

leveling landscape until scoured bowels

of oblate spheroid glacis loose to wring and extract

sought after mineral wealth essentially wrenching, hammering,

nailing cinch, which global gem analogous to affixing polarized noose

specific metals deemed precious

justifying reckless ramifications thin as gruel excuse,

whereat said esteemed Mother Nature privy ledges

sheared to extract vis a vis akin to a sluice

industrial machinations insyc dynamited, sheared,

sound blasted to rob (point blank

with no criminal sentence), especially when conglomerate

conspiratorial corporations violated most every truce

boot at bottom, any vow to tender flora and fauna,

a dead letter steeped in violations ruse vitiated

prior drafted conservation pacts signed, sealed

and delivered with “faux” obeissance

uttering lame excuse in an effort to squeeze and seize

(by aggressive means if necessary), the goose

that laid golden eggs intended to line deep purple pockets –

brushing aside accusations with VAMOOSE,

particularly to marginilized Native Americans

already a shadow of their former glory,

but production even at the expense of slo-mo

genocide annihilation a road block

to sought after mineral deposits juiced

waiting for opportunity to rake landscape

bare as the Moon (with a eh “No big deal attitude)”

indiscriminately sowing seeds of bleakness, via uprooting, scraping,

and pulverizing plants and animals

such as Bull Winkle the moose and crown

such egregious destruction claimed as righteousness

purportedly pinpointed within religious texts

to render unto haven of innocent creatures,

and other organic life, the God sent email

to reduce once resplendent oblate spheroid,

now nothing but a wasteland even a nightmare to Doctor Zeus!

Started thinking about how hot it is right now for November, more like summer. Summer was fun this year, made better by spending it in the Florida Keys. Speaking of keys, where did I put them? On the table in the hallway? Yuck, the hallway table really needs to be dusted and cleaned. Cleaning is such a chore, along with laundry. The dryer has been acting up lately; should have someone look at it. I do need new glasses, looking at magazine articles is getting harder and blurrier. Speaking of blurrier, can't remember when I washed the windows last. Crap, still haven't fixed the broken window in the study. Fix dinner or study? There is always so much to do yet I never seem to get anything done and I can't figure out why.

five minutes to write my thoughts...

i'm blanking.

my thoughts are going mad every second of every day and right now i can't think of a single thing.

the song i'm listening to is great; i need to figure out how i'm going to make rent this month; what am i willing to do for money?

that's it right now.

why hasn't he texted me back. pay back because i'm constantly pushing him aside, ignoring him. i don't know why i do it.

one minute, 40 seconds to go and nothing left to say.

portugal. the man's new album is really good. i can't believe this is the first time i'm listening to full thing. there isn't enough time in the day to listen to all music i want to.

10 seconds.

this is a test i failed.

To NOT do what I said to do

Why?

Because I did NOT say it!

I did NOT say it today

I did NOT say it yesterday

I did NOT say it in a car

I did NOT say it on a bar

I will NOT say it eating grapes

I will NOT say it wearing capes

I shall NOT say it under there

I shall NOT say it missing underwear

I will climb the highest mountain top

Just to NOT say, "I'm right, you stupid sop!"

I will NOT say it with green eggs and ham

Because who the fuck says "Sam I am?"

I will NOT say it no matter how you push

I will NOT say it with a red spanked tush

I will NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT say it!

And so I'm right again

I win

#Challenge #Debate #AlwaysWinning #OpposingView

Is a world where we hate Tuesdays

And have a 1 day weekend

Capitalists always manage a way

To muck things up for the rest of us

#Challenge #Monday #Tuesday #Etc

I just want your attention

Thats all I want sometimes

And sometimes it even drives me insane

Desperately doing whatever I possibly can to get you to look at me

And when you do look at me my heart drops and its like I dont want you to even know my name

Because you look at me with pity

And I look at you with envy