Is it too much to ask

That you come to see me just because

Instead of me having to ask you to come over?

Is it too much to ask

That you make plans

Instead of always relying on me to make the final say?

Is it too much to ask

That you take a picture with me

Instead of me forcing you into one?

Is it too much to ask

That you grab for my hand

Instead of me making the first move?

Is it too much to ask

That you talk about your feelings

Instead of insisting I talk about mine?

Is it too much to ask

That you show me that you love me

Instead of constantly giving me empty words with no action?

...Well?

Is it?

I didn't ask you to call me -

but you did. Every night. At any hour - 1 am. 2 am. 3 am. You had no boundaries.

When I was with friends - at sleepovers - on trips - doing homework - sound asleep - you expected that I was available.

And, foolishly, I made myself available.

We learned to drive. Your car was parked in front of my house more and more. No matter who was over, you were there too, with your kidding insults, eager to make me doubt myself. And our phone calls lengthened. Your closing line became "I love you."

Did you notice that I didn't say it back?

I didn't know what you meant. You confused me, daily. "I can't risk losing you by dating you." You said it more than once, as you dug into more and more depth of who I was, asking for more and more of my trust, making yourself continually present (whether audibly or visually) in my world. These words were the most incomprehensible paradox. You were dating me, but without a label! Without that label, you were free to date date others, but my heart was yours.

Your mom saw it. She warned, "don't trust" - I didn't listen. Instead, I longed.

Idiotically, I ignored the wisdom of friends and family and clung to your words as a promise for the future - "I love you."

I shrugged off the pursuits of new men who liked me, who wanted to know me, as I waited for you. And waited, even when I knew I shouldn't wait. I was a simpleton. A ninny. A chump.

I tried to escape you. I asked someone else to prom, only to find you buried under a heap of red and black balloons, asking me to be your date. Like a dunce, I uninvited him and went with you . . . unsurprised when you left that night with another girl's number. But I was still yours.

I put over 1600 miles between us with my college choice. You still called - I couldn't escape your audible presence. I ran further, trying to quiet you, so I could hear my own thoughts and discover my own dreams. This time, nearly 6,000 miles and a seven hour time difference. And you still called, for three years. While I had the wisdom to flee, I didn't have the desire to click decline. So, just as i'd opened the door to my house, and my heart, I clicked "accept." I had so much hope; you fed that hope, and I believed you. I'm a dope.

Ten years later, you told me you'd met her, that you were proposing. I listened, feeling the tsunami-like tides of emotions, frustrations, confusions. Fueled by passion, I did it:

"Do not call me, ever again." "Will you tell me when I'm ready?" "I won't be." Click.

I meant those words. Other than a wedding invitation, I never heard from you again.

Did you notice that in the end, you lost me?

Almost ten years later, trust has regrown. I changed my name. I'm having his child. It took all that time to heal.

When i close my eyes i see an eye,

Drifting above me in the midnight sky,

“Why is it watching me,” i think,

“Does it ever even blink?”

i really want it to go away,

Maybe i should sit and pray,

Maybe it’s the eye of a god,

Watching to see if i make mistakes,

Is it the eye of a protector?

Making sure i don't get hurt?

Whatever it is, i want it gone,

Good intentions or not,

There is no place for a third eye in a world of pairs,

I want to be simple and unafraid,

I really hope it goes away.

what do you gain from whispering in my ear and tugging at the back of my mind?

i want to be free of you. i want to break up.

we're breaking up.

i'm saying it now before summer ends and you come chasing after me when i go to college. i'm sure we'll meet again, although our reunion won't be filled with laughter but of tears and phone calls home.

please let me be the first one to speak and not to listen, for if i hear your words, i'm not sure if i'll be able to speak a sound.

you laughed and pointed at me when i presented, you whispered whenever i sat alone at lunch, you mimicked anytime i stuttered.

we've been together all our lives, but now it is time to part ways.

goodbye social anxiety

I do not want to be a year older,

candles flickering out

one by one,

365 days further from you,

further from the truth.

I do not want to forgive,

do not want to forget

as much as glue could fix

or hands could mend,

I never was the same

after you.

And they say it's easier

when there's someone new

or bolder hearts or

fiercer love that will

brandish out his and make

it seem so weak-

I haven't found

a way to numb

him yet.

my bones keep trying to j u m p

out of my skin

i reign them in

and they start again

can you hear the rattling?

should i let them go

will they walk or fly

an ivory kite

i watch float by

can you hear the knocking?

they’re trying to escape

begging to be free

if i let them go

will there be no more me?

i give my all.

every inch

of my tell-tale heart,

served

on a silver platter.

an offering

of true devotion,

a willing sacrifice.

i lift my king high,

words of love

and encouragement

meant only for him.

i see no other

for he is

my one,

my only.

i care for him,

nurture

and

feed his body,

his soul.

spoonfuls

of my pure devotion,

a delicacy to savor.

nectar of the gods.

my body craves his,

turning to liquid

at his touch,

his sigh,

his growl.

with cosmic desire,

want becomes

need.

a physical ailment

only he

can cure.

Only.

He.

Can.

water my soul

with love,

attention,

desire.

lift me to his side

and care for me,

his mate.

his love.

his partner.

his

Queen.

pour

pure

molten

love

into

me.

held,

safe.

protected.

supported.

seen.

in our kingdom

together,

hearts

and

hands

entwined,

we will travel

and journey

along this

thing

called

life.

Dear Heart,

There have been so many times in my life since the first time ever I saw your face, my soul danced with absolute joy at the essence of your unchained melody that flowed from you.

I can’t help falling in love with you every day as if it is always the first time with no end in sight. I know of no other way to tell you my way of feeling for you goes beyond all worldly boundaries.

Today, tomorrow, yesterday—are all moments that cannot simply be thought randomly of but rather with a purpose to profess a need far greater than imagined.

Can a person say they have no purpose in life? I did and believed that. But then—then you came into my life and the darkness lifted from me and knew then, I would do anything for love.

As you belong to me, I too, belong to you. To walk by your side, hold your hand, to love and make love with you without limitation within our own universe of never-ending time.

My precious one, I know that I ramble with my words, but I know of no other way to explain how truly, madly, deeply I am in love with you.

Always in All Ways,

Vincent

*** The picture has nothing to do with the piece but can you pick the correct answer? The artists did 1,560 words in six minutes, an average of 4.28 words per second.