I fall asleep with the thought that I'll never see you

My head begins to stab the inside of my heart

Tearing each part of you away from me

You weren't the one to tell me where you were

She had to tell me

Why?

I thought you and I were good. . .

Great. . .

Okay. . .

My thoughts bounce around

The rocks in my head feel like boulders when I cry

When I'm done, I can't see, feel, or hear

I know that if I fall, it won't be a soft landing.

Why?

Because you're not here

Return. . .

"Hey? Are you okay?" My sister asks me, touching my shoulder. Sure, she's not my actual sister, but it's like she is.

"Yeah. . .I just. . .I'm tired." Sure, that's what I say. But I really just want to kill myself. I want to die. I can't call for help the way that I want to. I hate this. This shit. This hurt. I need them back. Her. please. . .I . . .I love you. I think

~ A real thought from inside of my mind ~

See you in the next one

-A.E.T.

Alright!

Yeah. . Here we are

I. Okay. Um. I am SO HAPPY!!!!

So I watched the video (Thank you Prose :D it was great)

I love how my user name is loved

thank you

thank you

It's mainly my user name because I love corners. For some reason they're comforting places. Yes. I am weird.

ALSO! Chicken. . .I am a wuss and a chicken.

Thank you so much for the support and stuff

It really means a lot.

Today was a. . .crappy birthday at first. It got so much better. I love the channel.

Thank you

really

I mean it

Just hearing a laugh about the user name I created makes my day.

I've been going through a lot recently. I really have been hoping for my partner to meet my parents but we haven't been there. They're gone. I'm scared.

All of the comments, reposts, likes, everything. . .Thank you so much. I will never forget you all. Thank you so much :D

( ˘ ³˘)♥

-A.E.T.

The sound of the light switch clicking on broke the silence as if a gun had been fired into the sky. He stood in the doorway and looked at the room like he was seeing it for the first time. The bed they had shared lay empty before him. Her open suitcase, still perfectly organized, sat on the floor of the open closet door. Her reading glasses lay folded on the bedside table as though she had just been wearing them an hour ago. An hour ago she had been breathing.

Joe walked into the room and sat gingerly on the bed. He reached out and lightly touched her pillow. His hand looked old. He hadn’t noticed that before. Where had the time gone? They had built a life together. They had two daughters who were now motherless. What was he going to do? He wanted to crawl between the sheets and go to sleep. He wanted to stop the thoughts and images that overtook his mind. He wanted to talk to her about all of this. He needed her to help him figure out how to go on.

It took every last bit of energy he had to get up off the bed. His sister had been kind enough to book him a flight home. He had to get to his girls. They would need him now more than they ever had. Julie had raised them. He was their dad, but he was an attorney. He was at the office before they got up and often there until long after they were asleep. They were teenagers. What did he know about raising teenage girls?

He walked to her suitcase and fingered the delicate folded items. He picked up a shirt that lay on top of one of the neat piles and pressed it against his face. His knees started to buckle and he knelt on the floor there in the closet. Her scent overtook him. He didn’t know if it was laundry detergent, her soap, her lotion, or just…her.

Sacrifice

Predicts

the constraint

of an incalculable

equation

the pat

practice

of gene

sharing

Provokes

a less than

democratic

association on

cable news

each cycle

Incapable of

despair

Paragraphs

of distance

tumble along

unable to ban

prosecution

or to

qualify

compassion

to squash

a diversion

that is

really a

war on

humanity

cjtaylor 2023

Unraveled,

Fibers quickly fray.

Darkness dawns,

I look down

Holding my rope tight.

Am I sane?

I look up,

And see lies.

All truth gone,

I'm losing my grip.

My eyes close,

Heart pounding.

Spinning in circles,

Fearfully,

I cry out

"Where is truth!?"

As I twist

The pit below me

Darkly waits.

My strength fails

Feeling it calling.

Screaming "NO!"

I cry out,

And let go

Sanity.

At the beach again

My second home

The sun is rising gently

Yet something feels close

I don’t know what it is

So I look towards the sea

And see something magical

It seems like it’d be

A goddess, or a sign

Like a star that's fallen

So, I walk over to it

It lays there sullen

It opens its mouth

The most beautiful song

The siren calls me over

My conscience tells me to run

I get closer to it

Half fish, half man

Teeth as long and sharp

As razors, and

Its nails are like rusty ones

Bloody from its prey

It issues me over

I walk its way

It tells me to come closer

It has something to say

I’m inches from its face

And it starts to play

A song out of nothing

It grabs my neck

I grab its wrist

Im trying to check

Am i gonna make it

I get dragged into the sea

The sunrise and bubbles

Are the last things I see

It never feels different

everyone says that you're changing but are you really?

Is this day really special?

It's just the day I was born

I'm nothing special

Right?

-A.E.T.

I'm every bit the nutrient-rich, slightly fatty, humble, suet-like cake of my native American ancestors. I am not for everyone and definitely not designed for every day consumption. I'm a little too substantial for that.

While I can admittedly be somewhat dense and boring (especially to more refined palates), I can also save your life when things go wrong. I have the ability to encourage, sustain, and bridge you over to better times. I am dependable that way.

Unfortunately, I'm not something you'd probably ever look forward to having. Not when there is an entire world of fancy, laboratory-derived, “power” bar type snacks in shiny packages available. However, will you ever be glad to find simple me at the bottom of your daypack in a survival situation.

Take me along. I make a decent companion for life's journey.

my friend, such a sweet soul. Burdened by the man, again. His followers dismissing her feelings for the sakes of themselves.

my little souls hardened by hurt, and I feel unable to help. I am in pain, cursed with a voice inside so loud that squeaks with the lack of the talent the brave carry.

my friend, such a sweet song we sang together. I miss you and it's hardly been long. Do breathe and live well, until I see you again.

this is angst signing off, for now.

one day you wrote your name upon the strand

a while there was the imprint of your face

little sneakers denting the brackish sand

the sea touching your brow, a diadem of lace

the sweetest boy that ever reached the shore

so beautiful, so wonderful, so dead

you were alive, full-coloured, hours before

the wind roughly but softly made your bed

I swore, we swore, never to forget

Alan, you’ll be the difference, yes, you will

we loved so deep, the moment that we met

then we unmet, as you lay there, so still

then came the waves and washed you away

then came the waves and washed you away