
Inside My Shrunken Head
I fall asleep with the thought that I'll never see you
My head begins to stab the inside of my heart
Tearing each part of you away from me
You weren't the one to tell me where you were
She had to tell me
Why?
I thought you and I were good. . .
Great. . .
Okay. . .
My thoughts bounce around
The rocks in my head feel like boulders when I cry
When I'm done, I can't see, feel, or hear
I know that if I fall, it won't be a soft landing.
Why?
Because you're not here
Return. . .
"Hey? Are you okay?" My sister asks me, touching my shoulder. Sure, she's not my actual sister, but it's like she is.
"Yeah. . .I just. . .I'm tired." Sure, that's what I say. But I really just want to kill myself. I want to die. I can't call for help the way that I want to. I hate this. This shit. This hurt. I need them back. Her. please. . .I . . .I love you. I think
~ A real thought from inside of my mind ~
See you in the next one
-A.E.T.
A Way That I have Looked
Alright!
Yeah. . Here we are
I. Okay. Um. I am SO HAPPY!!!!
So I watched the video (Thank you Prose :D it was great)
I love how my user name is loved
thank you
thank you
It's mainly my user name because I love corners. For some reason they're comforting places. Yes. I am weird.
ALSO! Chicken. . .I am a wuss and a chicken.
Thank you so much for the support and stuff
It really means a lot.
Today was a. . .crappy birthday at first. It got so much better. I love the channel.
Thank you
really
I mean it
Just hearing a laugh about the user name I created makes my day.
I've been going through a lot recently. I really have been hoping for my partner to meet my parents but we haven't been there. They're gone. I'm scared.
All of the comments, reposts, likes, everything. . .Thank you so much. I will never forget you all. Thank you so much :D
( ˘ ³˘)♥
-A.E.T.
An Empty Seat
The sound of the light switch clicking on broke the silence as if a gun had been fired into the sky. He stood in the doorway and looked at the room like he was seeing it for the first time. The bed they had shared lay empty before him. Her open suitcase, still perfectly organized, sat on the floor of the open closet door. Her reading glasses lay folded on the bedside table as though she had just been wearing them an hour ago. An hour ago she had been breathing.
Joe walked into the room and sat gingerly on the bed. He reached out and lightly touched her pillow. His hand looked old. He hadn’t noticed that before. Where had the time gone? They had built a life together. They had two daughters who were now motherless. What was he going to do? He wanted to crawl between the sheets and go to sleep. He wanted to stop the thoughts and images that overtook his mind. He wanted to talk to her about all of this. He needed her to help him figure out how to go on.
It took every last bit of energy he had to get up off the bed. His sister had been kind enough to book him a flight home. He had to get to his girls. They would need him now more than they ever had. Julie had raised them. He was their dad, but he was an attorney. He was at the office before they got up and often there until long after they were asleep. They were teenagers. What did he know about raising teenage girls?
He walked to her suitcase and fingered the delicate folded items. He picked up a shirt that lay on top of one of the neat piles and pressed it against his face. His knees started to buckle and he knelt on the floor there in the closet. Her scent overtook him. He didn’t know if it was laundry detergent, her soap, her lotion, or just…her.
Battles
Sacrifice
Predicts
the constraint
of an incalculable
equation
the pat
practice
of gene
sharing
Provokes
a less than
democratic
association on
cable news
each cycle
Incapable of
despair
Paragraphs
of distance
tumble along
unable to ban
prosecution
or to
qualify
compassion
to squash
a diversion
that is
really a
war on
humanity
cjtaylor 2023
Insanity
Unraveled,
Fibers quickly fray.
Darkness dawns,
I look down
Holding my rope tight.
Am I sane?
I look up,
And see lies.
All truth gone,
I'm losing my grip.
My eyes close,
Heart pounding.
Spinning in circles,
Fearfully,
I cry out
"Where is truth!?"
As I twist
The pit below me
Darkly waits.
My strength fails
Feeling it calling.
Screaming "NO!"
I cry out,
And let go
Sanity.
siren songs
At the beach again
My second home
The sun is rising gently
Yet something feels close
I don’t know what it is
So I look towards the sea
And see something magical
It seems like it’d be
A goddess, or a sign
Like a star that's fallen
So, I walk over to it
It lays there sullen
It opens its mouth
The most beautiful song
The siren calls me over
My conscience tells me to run
I get closer to it
Half fish, half man
Teeth as long and sharp
As razors, and
Its nails are like rusty ones
Bloody from its prey
It issues me over
I walk its way
It tells me to come closer
It has something to say
I’m inches from its face
And it starts to play
A song out of nothing
It grabs my neck
I grab its wrist
Im trying to check
Am i gonna make it
I get dragged into the sea
The sunrise and bubbles
Are the last things I see
Birthday
It never feels different
everyone says that you're changing but are you really?
Is this day really special?
It's just the day I was born
I'm nothing special
Right?
-A.E.T.
Pemmican
I'm every bit the nutrient-rich, slightly fatty, humble, suet-like cake of my native American ancestors. I am not for everyone and definitely not designed for every day consumption. I'm a little too substantial for that.
While I can admittedly be somewhat dense and boring (especially to more refined palates), I can also save your life when things go wrong. I have the ability to encourage, sustain, and bridge you over to better times. I am dependable that way.
Unfortunately, I'm not something you'd probably ever look forward to having. Not when there is an entire world of fancy, laboratory-derived, “power” bar type snacks in shiny packages available. However, will you ever be glad to find simple me at the bottom of your daypack in a survival situation.
Take me along. I make a decent companion for life's journey.
my friend
my friend, such a sweet soul. Burdened by the man, again. His followers dismissing her feelings for the sakes of themselves.
my little souls hardened by hurt, and I feel unable to help. I am in pain, cursed with a voice inside so loud that squeaks with the lack of the talent the brave carry.
my friend, such a sweet song we sang together. I miss you and it's hardly been long. Do breathe and live well, until I see you again.
this is angst signing off, for now.
A sonnet for Alan Kurdi
one day you wrote your name upon the strand
a while there was the imprint of your face
little sneakers denting the brackish sand
the sea touching your brow, a diadem of lace
the sweetest boy that ever reached the shore
so beautiful, so wonderful, so dead
you were alive, full-coloured, hours before
the wind roughly but softly made your bed
I swore, we swore, never to forget
Alan, you’ll be the difference, yes, you will
we loved so deep, the moment that we met
then we unmet, as you lay there, so still
then came the waves and washed you away
then came the waves and washed you away