I wrote this in response to an Emerald Author Challenge that I saw. Although I wasn’t able to post it because I am not an Emerald Author yet, I like the prompt.

Prompt- supPOSEDLY (November play #2) Destroy something you feel is supposed about you… and tell me why you think it is, in the process.

Created by Plexiglassfruit, in the Emerald Lounge.

I sat there trying my best to listen, as my mother-in-law continued to chastise me. I should have never answered this god damn phone.

“Kennley, this isn’t the first time you acted like this. Rachel is offended and there’s no reason for it”, she yelled.

Squeezing the phone, I did my best to not come undone, “She’s always offended. Don’t you think it’s weird that Rachel will wait until the room is empty, to start conversations with me? She’s always done this!”

“You have no compassion. The way you act towards her is cold and I’m not the only one who notices it. You act the same way towards me, too. You’re very cold and to many people”, my mother-in-law claimed.

“Well, maybe these people who think this, should reflect on the moment that led up to my cold behavior. Beside you, Rachel and your friends who you talk to… who else thinks this? When you’re controlling the narrative & complaining to your friends and siblings, that kind of sets a tone. This is so stupid! Rachel started complaining about her bills and money like usual. She then throws her passive aggressive comments into the conversation. Then if I disagree or I become offended, she plays the tone deaf card and says she didn’t mean it negativity and if it came off that way, she’s so sorry… come on. This is why I do not talk to her and when I do, I keep it very surface-level”, I tried my best to explain myself in a calm manner.

“…And what did she say so negatively? She’s overwhelmed with finances and you tell her to just start paying her bills and she wouldn’t be dealing with this. That was insensitive and cold like I said.”

I let out a laugh of aggravation. I tossed my phone onto my dresser and continued straightening up. I can slowly feel my anger building and building, as if it’s going to shoot up through my head like a geyser. Once she finished her sentence, I ran across my bedroom so fast, you would think I was competing in a track meet.

“I did not say that! Rachel slipped a comment in, saying not everyone is lucky to have their parents and Poppy paying their bills like me. She mentioned that all my money is okay mone, which is why my kids have so much. She’s wrong and I have no idea why she keeps saying that! That’s offensive I pay my bills. All I did was telol Rachel to cut out unnecessary expenses like going out to eat or buying lottery tickets. That $40.00-$80.00 here and that $5.00 that is spent every day on lottery tickets, adds up and that money could be put towards her bills”, I explained.

“Oh come on Kennley! It’s your demeanor that’s offensive. She’s venting and you’re being rude”, my mother-in-law spewed.

I’m done. This right here is exactly why I am short and disconnected… or cold as they all have claimed for years, now. Nothing I say is right. When nothing you say or do is right and constantly used as ammunition, this is what causes my emotionless responses. If I don’t react after the constant picking and harassment, then I’m cold. If I do react, I’m unhinged. It’s not fair to me!

“Dawn, if you cannot see why I act the way I do around you and Rachel, then you both need to open your eyes. How I carry myself around you people, is for my own sanity. The way you describe me is so far from the truth and your son, my friends and everyone else who knows me, will tell you that. I am so emotional, but I‘ve learned to water myself down because If I didn’t, I’d be sick to my stomach everyday because of you people“, I yelled!

The phone went silent. Dawn didn’t say a word, so I continued.

“You‘ve told people that I’m scorned by my childhood, in the past. All because I didn’t agree. I’ve been talked about by you, ever since I stuck up for your son when you caused problems between he and his brother. I am not the cold one. It‘s you who is cold. It’s a problem to you all, since I am who I am. You’re embarrassed that I don’t act the way you want me to act, as you frolic within your wealthy friend group. I’m over this shit! I didn’t do anything wrong. This is why I try not to speak with you guys!”

Before I can finish my statement, I heard nothing. I looked at my phone and of course, my mother-in-law hung up. I launched my phone onto my bed and watched it bounce onto the floor.

“This seriously cannot be my real life”, I said to myself.

I continued my cleaning, so I can calm my nerves. This is the last time I allow either of them to do this to me. I’m nothing they say I am.

If human is to being

As eyeball is to seeing

Then how do we ever know

What we truly are?

In heartbeats and in dreaming,

In silence and in screaming,

We find ourselves at a distance

Existing both near and far.

Our essence isn't living,

But in loving, and in giving,

In questions that take us to new places,

In the darkness and the light.

To be human is to wonder,

What makes the sound of thunder,

To seek the truths within our core,

Always learning, always more.

What if the answer to every human problem we ever face is this?

Do your very best.

Could it really be that simple?

I believe so.

I’ve seen it happen time and time again.

In my own life and in others.

Success isn’t a rocket science.

And being successful at rocket science is the same as anything else.

Focus on the task at hand.

Do your very best.

Don’t give up.

If you just do those 3 things you’ll be amazed and the business results.

Some will believe, and applaud, a miracle, on receiving what was wanted, exactly. Especially, if without unintended consequence.

Others, feel it's a miracle to summarily recognize what is happened or had, with gratitude and sense of blessing; like the growth of weed as well as flower; or the very existence of triumph, and whatever its obstacle. The miracle of Life and Death, in all its shades. With or without God.

If I had to narrow down, my experience to one, my belief is that the miracle of miracles in Life, is our awareness of the miracle-- meaning Conscious Thought.

If you've ever felt understood, or sensed that you, yourself for a moment, could begin or finish another's unspoken thoughts, then you know the powerful connection of the mind and our potential awareness. It's happened to me more than once, verifiable face to face, so I've no doubt about the existence of a Universal Consciousness that we sometimes tap.

“Move, get out of the way, we’ll take over CPR now” The paramedic commanded as I was pulled away by a police officer. He brought me over near one of the trash cans in the rec center where I worked. He was asking me questions though I couldn’t hear what he said, so instinctively I took off my gloves the way we had practiced in the lifeguarding course. I looked over to my two bosses and I watched Luke punch Jason and storm away, that seemed odd but I can barely even remember it long enough to focus on it. Jason walked over to me and guided me to his office, I felt like a sheep being herded through the crowds of people that gathered as the paramedics continued CPR.

His office was loud, inside were three more police officers, the fire chief, and a paramedic. I did not notice what they were discussing as I sat down in the corner. No one was speaking to me, I was just there, reflecting on what had happened.

I remember being tugged from the lifeguard shack by a lady who works at the front desk. She had told me someone was unconscious and rushed me to the chair where the man lay. It was Jesse, a regular. His usually smiling face was now lifeless. A man in an obnoxiously striped shirt was yanking him from the chair and letting him fall on the floor, looking back it’s funny what your mind remembers during trauma. I sprinted back to grab the OSB which contained many life saving tools when I remembered what OSB stood for. It was our ‘Oh shit bag’ and I thought to myself Oh shit. I returned, slid on my gloves and started CPR. For 15 minutes I continued doing rounds of 30 compressions and 2 breaths. I believe someone had said the ambulance was stuck behind a train and that’s why I had been doing this for so long. I remember screaming at the air for someone to call 911 again, too much crucial time has passed.

Jason’s office went quiet, they were all staring at me as if I was crazy. Not one of them had a single ounce of empathy on their faces. It was then I realized I was projecting my thoughts for them all to hear. I could not bear the way they were looking at me so I focused on the calendar hanging on the bulletin board and went back to my thoughts. I felt more alone than ever. I wondered what was happening to Jesse right now. I did not know if I could or should get up, so I sat there and waited for someone to open the door. Eventually a woman walked in and I gazed outside to see the paramedics were still there. They seemed to be getting some sort of suction device ready. Meanwhile another device that looked like two plastic boards connected with thick bungee cords was actively compressing his chest in rounds of 3. The door closed, and once again I went back to my thoughts, surrounded by people but feeling very deserted.

You could've kept your cold breeze. It ruins the sight of the beautiful color on the leaves. The haunted houses that I hate to the core. Where fiends with masks try to make my soul ascend. Though the lights and decorations on houses are quite outstanding. And I love the bright smile on a child's face as they run with their candy, soon to stuff their face. Pumpkin spice latte's drunk by women named Brandy. I took a sip or two and the taste also tickles my fancy. No more shirts and shorts, I have to throw on my sweater, But the comfortable feeling it gives maybe this is better. You ruined my weekends, with all of your sports. From every bar I pass I hear a cheer, I join in of course, pass me a beer. But please hold the snow it's not yet part of the show. And while I hate you October, maybe I love you just a bit more

Someone I had known for a very long time used to lie to me all the time. Repeatedly, she would tell me things she thought I longed – or needed - to hear instead of things I knew in the heart of me to be true.

Over the long span of years, I chose to listen to her tall tales, believing each word or story she wove verbatim. It seemed much easier to do so. I mean, I didn’t gravitate to confrontation, and I knew that confronting my lifelong friend would result in a major, divisive argument that could potentially damage our relationship – and my sanity. Facing reality, or the truth in this case, was a difficult road upon which I did not wish to tread.

Then, one day, things changed and my desires for something more lasting and worthwhile took root. Through the years, my friend and I had not only grown close, we’d also grown much older, going through many trials and tribulations. A climatic, life changing event occurred and took precedence in my existence, giving a new borne determination to right the wrongs and pursue an unblemished future. Becoming a parent meant that I must be more earnest, truthful, and motivated in steering the life that had been gifted to me in the form of a beautiful baby girl. It also meant that I must confront my closest and oldest friend about her lies. It meant I must confront myself and learn to love myself in order to be the best parent – and person – I could be for this little life entrusted to me.

Yes, it was me that I chose to love despite the lies I’d told myself for so long, and in doing so, I became free of the revolving lies that filled my life. My lies were mostly about myself, but they also hid truths about my spouse, friends, and other components of my life. We lie to ourselves for a multitude of reasons, but for me, it had become a cringe worthy habit of not facing the truth. I’d made a habit of painting brightly colored pictures, including self-portraits, in lieu of seeking the muted colors that lay hidden beneath the colorful palettes. In doing so, I learned that the truths derived in the muted colors could be just as beautiful and rewarding as the brightly hued lies I'd told myself for so many years.

So, in the year following the birth of my first child, I made a promise to myself: I would no longer hide behind the lies. Instead, I would learn to love myself and appreciate the qualities with which I’d been gifted and work hard to improve upon the faults that lay within my depths. I would also strive to accept the fact that people were not perfect, but I could still love them, shortcomings and all. This I would do, not only for my child, but more importantly for myself.

It’s been more than thirty years since that enlightening epiphany. No longer lying to myself has brought a depth of growth, change, expansion, and fulfillment to my life. The world is now much more welcoming, challenging, and rewarding.

Yes, it was me: I was the liar I chose to love. Learning to love myself has brought a wealth of knowledge and contentment, opening doors that I never dreamt existed. It is the catalyst of a well driven, purposeful life and breathes existence into an otherwise dismal world. It is a replenishing gift that I gave myself, and I am thankful for it each and every day.

Dear Sexy Minds That Rule Our World:

By request, here's a, hmmm, well...a warm and special story about a stroll to the lake under moonlight; contemplation, introspection on a certain level, and quite possibly something else...

Here's the link.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vnThXeTVNo

And.

As always...

Thank you for being here.

-The Prose. team

As a filament of imagination

I would like best to

be laid to rest

among the great texts

like the Dead Sea Scrolls

and all the lost Gospels

yes, bury me on p. 411

of the one millionth Ed.

as a comma , between

paragraphs six and seven

directly before term eight

a word which i am sure,

somewhere in the Vedas

is undoubtedly a verb...

a wholly man of action

might fear it glum fate,

but for myself there's

no better nor nobler

enlightenment than

to fall upon the page!

Buried with someone

else's nose and furrowed

brow with eyes that have

grown (for concentration)

blood-shot while parsing

the significance of this

quite miniscule mark,

which on a far future

died on that very spot.

10.13.2023

The END challenge @LilEngima

I have never been nor will I ever be a stalker but I have craved a partner that sent vibes through me in just the sound of her voice. Did I sync with the rhythm of words as they flowed out her lips, or did I float with the meaning of what she tried to say? Guess what? Neither. You see, I noticed a body rhythm that talked for her as she expressed how she enjoyed her day with me. I focused on this strong vibe of hers that was searching for my satisfaction in our experience. I was floored but she couldn't tell it. I could've stepped into her skin, like I step into a jacuzzi seeking the warmth in my bones. When she kissed me and walked away, I felt lost like someone blew out my candle. I wasn't going to be satisfied until I saw her shut the door of her car and drive away. But because she pulls energy from a far, she was stopped by a guy before she entered her car. I stood there and stared at her to see if she was giving him the same body rhythm she gave to me. I shared moments with her that could go down in history books. I made love to her with my eyes, I didn't just look. So it was important for me to see if what we shared was her introduction to everyone. They talked, I stared. They talked longer, I stared. Then she kissed him on the cheek and got into her car and drove off. My conclusion is phenomenal, the body rhythm she gave me was all mine.